Fascinating..what I learned about myself last night
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Fascinating..what I learned about myself last night
Hello ((SR)))
So last night's date was successul in a different way than my expectation, after really thinking about this I realized I was being really negative. I made a friend now. Granted he isnt the one but guess what, he was a gentleman, I had nice conversation, he invited me out again and I have a new friend. I wanted to write this because I feel last night I got wrapped up in the poor me attitude and that shouldnt be the case. Gratitude for what I have.
But more importantly, he is a very type of individual than I am..He is very adventurous and I am not. LOL. I play it safe but that is just me. So when he was saying stuff like his boat, his bike etc. I flatly told him, I have no interest in those things so you wont be finding me on your bike but maybe the boat. LOL. And it seemed like he was pushing me to become more adventuresome and teasing me but I stuck to my guns and said, "I appreciate your lifestyle and respect it but I dont have to try those things and dont care to and I am fine with my lifestyle although I appreciate your invites." Yes, little me said this without batting an eyelash and all of a sudden he started packpedaling like we can take the car etc. But for me it was a red flag..I dont need him to change his lifestyle to accommodate me as I know the resentments that can cause and I dont need someone to expect me to change mine because they think so. Yes ladies and gents, I have evolved enough to see the insight inside my gut. So I told him, we can be friends and hang out but we are too very different people and I dont care to get into a situation that would definitely get messy down the road because of conflicting personalities.
I have changed and I am so proud of myself for getting to a point of self care, looking out for what is best for myself no matter what the other person says and treating myself with the respect I deserve. Alanon is truly a wonderful tool. So I learned a lot about my recovery last night. It was a gift to see how far I have truly come. Woohoo
And as dear Alice pointed out, how nice to be focusing on a date and myself and my future than my stxah. What a change in direction I made. Woohoo
Hugs
Lulu
So last night's date was successul in a different way than my expectation, after really thinking about this I realized I was being really negative. I made a friend now. Granted he isnt the one but guess what, he was a gentleman, I had nice conversation, he invited me out again and I have a new friend. I wanted to write this because I feel last night I got wrapped up in the poor me attitude and that shouldnt be the case. Gratitude for what I have.
But more importantly, he is a very type of individual than I am..He is very adventurous and I am not. LOL. I play it safe but that is just me. So when he was saying stuff like his boat, his bike etc. I flatly told him, I have no interest in those things so you wont be finding me on your bike but maybe the boat. LOL. And it seemed like he was pushing me to become more adventuresome and teasing me but I stuck to my guns and said, "I appreciate your lifestyle and respect it but I dont have to try those things and dont care to and I am fine with my lifestyle although I appreciate your invites." Yes, little me said this without batting an eyelash and all of a sudden he started packpedaling like we can take the car etc. But for me it was a red flag..I dont need him to change his lifestyle to accommodate me as I know the resentments that can cause and I dont need someone to expect me to change mine because they think so. Yes ladies and gents, I have evolved enough to see the insight inside my gut. So I told him, we can be friends and hang out but we are too very different people and I dont care to get into a situation that would definitely get messy down the road because of conflicting personalities.
I have changed and I am so proud of myself for getting to a point of self care, looking out for what is best for myself no matter what the other person says and treating myself with the respect I deserve. Alanon is truly a wonderful tool. So I learned a lot about my recovery last night. It was a gift to see how far I have truly come. Woohoo
And as dear Alice pointed out, how nice to be focusing on a date and myself and my future than my stxah. What a change in direction I made. Woohoo
Hugs
Lulu
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Originally Posted by Jazzman 
He's got a boat?!?!?
What kind?
How big?
Where does he keep it?
He invited you out on his boat and you said no thanks?
*facepalm*
What kind?
How big?
Where does he keep it?
He invited you out on his boat and you said no thanks?
*facepalm*
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by lulu1974
I said maybe to the boat! I didnt want to committ to anything and have no clue about the specs of his boat. I imagine its a speedboat but since I have no interest I wasnt going there..lol
Boats are fun but I'm partial. I'm a fan of anything to do with the water, on it, in it, under it, I'm in! Get a couple of your friends to go and you guys will have a blast. I'm sure if you ask him if you can have a couple of your friends come along he will be just fine with that! LOL!!!
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Join Date: May 2010
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Originally Posted by lulu1974
But for me it was a red flag..I dont need him to change his lifestyle to accommodate me as I know the resentments that can cause and I dont need someone to expect me to change mine because they think so. Yes ladies and gents, I have evolved enough to see the insight inside my gut.
Lulu, I think this is huge and I say GOOD FOR YOU! You stayed true to yourself! No accommodating or compromising who you are to get the guy to like you! No attempting to fit his mold to avoid rejection! It was about you being yourself! Yay, yay, and yay! And when you saw that he was backpedaling, you saw it as a red flag and didn't read it as a compliment.
Honesty and honoring self are worth more than a bike or boat ride for the wrong reasons. Now, if you do go boating, you can do it because you want to--for fun!
Congrats, and thanks for sharing your awesome big step. This helped me today, too.
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I get motion sickness. Hahaha. I didnt tell him that because its none of his business. I only have to say yes or no. I chose maybe. Seems like it would be fun if I can find a way around the motion sickness.
If he would just back off a little I would be more comfortable. He already called this morning. He asked me to a barbecue on Sunday, I said no and then he offered to take me on his boat Sunday. Said no for Sunday but maybe for the future. Looks like I am getting ready to set up some boundries or walking away. Isnt the rule 3 days for calling for guys?
I am just getting ready to go back to work on Monday after being out for a month so I want to concentrate on being ready. I want to relax on Sunday and actually, he is being pushy. I will give it a few days but if he pushes once more..then I will kindly tell him I am not interested. I can do that. I can put big girl pants on...
hugs
Lulu
If he would just back off a little I would be more comfortable. He already called this morning. He asked me to a barbecue on Sunday, I said no and then he offered to take me on his boat Sunday. Said no for Sunday but maybe for the future. Looks like I am getting ready to set up some boundries or walking away. Isnt the rule 3 days for calling for guys?
I am just getting ready to go back to work on Monday after being out for a month so I want to concentrate on being ready. I want to relax on Sunday and actually, he is being pushy. I will give it a few days but if he pushes once more..then I will kindly tell him I am not interested. I can do that. I can put big girl pants on...
hugs
Lulu
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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I agree! Bravo to you!!!!
Its okay to take a pass on something or someone, really it is. I know just how you feel when it comes to accomodating and changing yourself to suit someone else's interests.
I can't begin to count the number of events I've gone to, movies I didn't want to see, concerts I had no interest in etc, etc, all to please my mate or potential suitor. Sure, I'm all for doing something to please someone when it's mutual. I'll go to that tractor pull, dear, if you go to the meditation retreat with me. That's what mates do, but to give up the things you would like to and fein interest in what they like to get their attention is a thing of the past for me, too!
Be true to yourself. There is someone out there with the same likes and dislikes and interests and hobbies as you. You'll find each other when you're meant to
Good for you for going on that date and just enjoying the conversation with someone new. I could think of far worse ways to spend a Friday night, for sure
Alice
Its okay to take a pass on something or someone, really it is. I know just how you feel when it comes to accomodating and changing yourself to suit someone else's interests.
I can't begin to count the number of events I've gone to, movies I didn't want to see, concerts I had no interest in etc, etc, all to please my mate or potential suitor. Sure, I'm all for doing something to please someone when it's mutual. I'll go to that tractor pull, dear, if you go to the meditation retreat with me. That's what mates do, but to give up the things you would like to and fein interest in what they like to get their attention is a thing of the past for me, too!
Be true to yourself. There is someone out there with the same likes and dislikes and interests and hobbies as you. You'll find each other when you're meant to
Good for you for going on that date and just enjoying the conversation with someone new. I could think of far worse ways to spend a Friday night, for sure
Alice
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Your outlook was really helpful to me. You're absolutely right that it's OK to not be interested in certain things. It's funny, my parents and brothers are total boat people, and I get seasick. My family would go for weekends away on the boat and I'd stay at home with friends. I tried the patch, and many other things, but it didn't work. But more importantly, I just don't like being on boats. I never really gave myself permission to just not like it. I felt like it made me not fun. So the seasick thing was a convenient excuse for me.
My head is kind of spinning about how this seemingly trivial thing has translated into adulthood. It did make me feel like not part of the family. We didn't really do things I was interested in. It was like 4 people liked boats, 1 didn't, so I was the odd man out. I do sort of feel like I've gone through my life trying to accommodate others' interests, and got lost somewhere on what my own interests are.
Thanks for your post Lulu! Sorry to make it all about me, but your post really spoke to me!
My head is kind of spinning about how this seemingly trivial thing has translated into adulthood. It did make me feel like not part of the family. We didn't really do things I was interested in. It was like 4 people liked boats, 1 didn't, so I was the odd man out. I do sort of feel like I've gone through my life trying to accommodate others' interests, and got lost somewhere on what my own interests are.
Thanks for your post Lulu! Sorry to make it all about me, but your post really spoke to me!
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Originally Posted by wanting
Your outlook was really helpful to me. You're absolutely right that it's OK to not be interested in certain things. It's funny, my parents and brothers are total boat people, and I get seasick. My family would go for weekends away on the boat and I'd stay at home with friends. I tried the patch, and many other things, but it didn't work. But more importantly, I just don't like being on boats. I never really gave myself permission to just not like it. I felt like it made me not fun. So the seasick thing was a convenient excuse for me.
My head is kind of spinning about how this seemingly trivial thing has translated into adulthood. It did make me feel like not part of the family. We didn't really do things I was interested in. It was like 4 people liked boats, 1 didn't, so I was the odd man out. I do sort of feel like I've gone through my life trying to accommodate others' interests, and got lost somewhere on what my own interests are.
Thanks for your post Lulu! Sorry to make it all about me, but your post really spoke to me!
My head is kind of spinning about how this seemingly trivial thing has translated into adulthood. It did make me feel like not part of the family. We didn't really do things I was interested in. It was like 4 people liked boats, 1 didn't, so I was the odd man out. I do sort of feel like I've gone through my life trying to accommodate others' interests, and got lost somewhere on what my own interests are.
Thanks for your post Lulu! Sorry to make it all about me, but your post really spoke to me!
Hugs
Lulu
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Lulu - you rock.
It's great when you realize that you are the one doing the choosing, rather than just saying yes to almost whatever guy is interested?
ETA - I didn't mean to imply that you were of easy virtue! I mean, so often it's a "yes" from the options that present themselves to us i.e. passively, rather than anything active.
It's great when you realize that you are the one doing the choosing, rather than just saying yes to almost whatever guy is interested?
ETA - I didn't mean to imply that you were of easy virtue! I mean, so often it's a "yes" from the options that present themselves to us i.e. passively, rather than anything active.
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