Freedom1990

The only way to get past it is to walk through it.

I can't concentrate on my classes, and I've got a ton of stuff to do.

I work hard at staying out of Amber's stuff, especially when it comes to her ABF.

I'm polite to him when I see him. She now brings him to any family get-togethers like birthdays and holidays.

We're all polite to him because we all love her.

He's originally from Syracuse NY, and has brought up the subject several times to her of moving back there.

That's always fizzled out in the past.

He's emotionally abusive. He knows I know he's emotionally abusive because she and I have talked about it when she came to me hurting.

She's changing. I know he's pushing about the move to NY because she's become extremely irritable and short with me when she brings her dogs over and picks them up.

She's mentioned the possible move to NY, and I try hard to remain calm and really not say anything because it's like she's trying to read me, and if I say anything, she snaps at me.

I keep breathing and turning it over.

She is a member of the Pretty Prairie Drill Team now, which is something she has wanted ever since she got her first horse.

They participate at rodeos (bring the flags in at the rodeo's beginning and do a routine at intermission). They are invited to participate in parades all over the state.

This has been her home since she was born, and I know she's scared and torn.

He's started isolating her from friends, but he hasn't been able to get in between her and her horse activities....yet. Sunny, her quarter horse, is her heart.

I think she will find herself standing at a fork in the road soon, and I'm scared for her.

I know fear is absence of faith. Yet I still have fear today. My chest feels tight.

Still Waters

It's so hard, when it's our children.

Hang in there.

Chino

Fear she'll make a bad choice, fear she'll get hurt, fear she'll become damaged... all sorts of fears and every one of them is legitimate.

Besides praying, I started telling my loved ones "I love you" every time I feel fear. Sometimes it's a text, email or voice mail. Or I say the words and hug them in person, if I'm feeling fear right then.

I'm turning moments of fear into acts of love.

I hope you find serenity again and I'm sending you hugs, too

spinwc

Freedom-I will be praying for you and your daughter.

theuncertainty

Hugs, Freedom. It is so hard watching those we love in relationships that suck. (I finally see what my family saw about my marriage to STBXAH. ) My mom is getting ready to leave the state to go back to her ABF. HP, I do not want her to go and it. is. so. hard. to. let. go.

I've got no words of advice. I'm trying to find a way to make my peace with Mom's choices while at the same time...

Hugs, hugs, wishing you peace and strength.

Freedom1990

After I read that, I decided that's what I'm going to do when she comes to pick up the dogs.

I didn't get a chance because she snapped in the middle of what I thought was a calm conversation and stormed out.

I sat here and cried a little.

I think I need to cry a lot and it just won't come out. I feel stuck.

catlovermi

Not to make light of your fears, but maybe you can stare at my cartoon and give yourself a micro, or even nano break. One breath worth.

It's hard, feeling the weight of so many fears and anxieties: school, job (lack thereof), daughter(s).

Hugs to you; let the puppies slurp on you a bit.

CLMI

dollydo

You gave her the wings she needed to fly, now, opening those wings and trying to fly is a worrisome thing for both of you. She is as scared as you are. I can feel her agitation, her uneasiness, her fear.

I really don't have any advise, I'll just say, as difficult as it is, it is her time to fly, all you can do is hope that she lands on her feet.

You are a good mom, allow yourself a good cry, you will feel better, at least for the moment.

Hugs,
Dolly

keepinon

These kids! Mine is with a horrible abuser..despite my having been educator for our local womens shelter! What can you do? I think all the ol alanon stuff applies..they are gonna see it when they are ready and not one second before .. nomatter how smart we are! If it makes you feel any better, her loser actually got a huge tatoo on his chest that says "NOT GUILTY"....seriously!

sesh

Freedom, sorry to hear you're going through this. how old is your D?
I think you're doing a right thing by not saying anything. I see something hopeful in what you wrote:"it's like she's trying to read me, and if I say anything, she snaps at me."
To me it says she knows it too, not only what you're thinking, but that what you're thinking is true. It sounds like she is not ready to admit it to herself just yet, so she needs others who say it to start defending it. If you don't give her that chance, she has more room to come to terms with it herself, as she is not busy proving you wrong.
I know I get most defensive and I snap at my mum the most with things I know are true but don't want to admit.
I also think the more faith you show in her she is more likely to make a right decision.
I hope everything works out well
Hugs

Freedom1990

Sesh, she just turned 22 on the 9th of this month. She's been with him almost a year, has lived with him since last September. He served over in Iraq, so in her mind, that's a good enough qualifier for a partner. Ugh.

I haven't said anything about the possible move for awhile now, and I won't say anything about it in the future either.

I called my sponsor and the floodgates opened up. So now I've got the pounding post-cry headache, but I took some Excedrin, and I'm back in the moment.

I think I'll fix a nice big tossed salad with lots of grape tomatoes in it, eat, and get back to the books.

Freedom1990

I've got to admit, I've seen a lot of tattoos, but that's a new one to me. Great googledy-moogledy!

coyote21

This is brilliant. I hope you don't mind, I will be stealing this now.



Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote