I got asked out on a date

Old 06-25-2010, 04:20 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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When I thought I was ready to date again I went on a couple dozen first dates, each time I drove home depressed. It was just a sign that I needed more time.
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Old 06-25-2010, 05:28 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Oh Lulu, good for you Honey!!!

Wow. I'm so impressed with how you're working through your process and following your gut, being true to yourself.

You'll know when the time/fella is right, you're an inspiration. Thanks for what you also said, Jazzman & DMC & Alice, this is a helpful discussion for me, with less than 4 months of singlehood under my belt at this point.

Hugs to you, Lulu,
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Old 07-05-2010, 03:14 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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At least you did it!! Good for you! It's all about trying, taking the step.

So you didn't like him. It's ok. We all have attractions. It might not necessarily mean you need an A. You're allowed to not be attracted to a nice guy you had coffee with!

My friend's friend's husband's cousin is a "nice guy". But when I interrogated my friend further (she met him once a month ago and gave me a shallow description, not wanting to commit to an endorsement), I realized that it's ok to not want to go out with him. I'm not attracted to him from his description. It doesn't mean I need an A. It means just what it means. I probably won't like him. She didn't find him attractive at all. :-(

Lulu, good for you!

R.
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Old 07-06-2010, 10:18 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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After my ex boyfriend passed away, I joined Match.com for a while. I received a lot more interest than I expected, and for a while, it was a good ego boost. But the majority of men who responded to my posting seemed to ignore what I said I desired in a partner. They wanted a partner who would attend sporting events, go paddling, camping, rock climbing, and so forth. They were looking for an outdoor-sie type. My post said I was a homebody who enjoys cooking, gardening, reading, browsing antique stores, and spending quality time with friends and family, so they didn't get past the e-mail stage.

The few who made it past the e-mail stage and to the phone call stage were a bit disappointing as well. One man immediately asked me if I had long finger nails. Finger nails? I responded, that's important to you? He said yes. I said, in the whole grand scheme of life, finger nails are important to you? He said yes, I find that sexy. I said goodbye.

The next caller immediately asked me how much I weighed. Then followed that up with a comment that if my weight didn't fall within a certain range, then he wasn't interested. Well, since everyone's weight is subject to change over a lifetime, and it also seemed like a shallow item to focus on, I said goodbye to him, too.

One man did make it past the phone call stage. His e-mails were engaging, amusing, intellectual--a real interesting mix. The phone call seemed like a good two-way street as well. He told me what his likes and dislikes were and asked me what my likes and dislikes were. We met for coffee and the first thing I caught him doing was trying to look down my blouse when I bent over to pick up my purse. He followed up that little trick with a very obvious glimpse at my back side and a "yum" type of response. I assumed he was thinking that I was going to be dessert. Well, that proved correct when we sat down at the table with our coffee and the first question he asked me was, so how many dates do you typically go on before you have sex with a man?

At that point, I realized that the collection of men who were responding to my post on Match.com was a reflection of my current state of mind (though I read and re-read my post and didn't see anything unhealthy about it--damn that magical thinking). They were just responding to the message I sent into cyperspace. That experience made me realize that I was in no way ready or emotionally healthy enough to even begin dating. So I went back to the drawing board and continued to focus on myself. And that's where I find myself today. Happily single and not looking. Life couldn't be more simple, sweet, and serene. I like the woman I am today and I won't settle for men who don't respect me or treat me like an equal partner. Sex is only a very small part of a relationship. If that's all they want from me, I'm bowing out.
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Old 07-06-2010, 05:13 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by FormerDoormat View Post
At that point, I realized that the collection of men who were responding to my post on Match.com was a reflection of my current state of mind (though I read and re-read my post and didn't see anything unhealthy about it--damn that magical thinking). They were just responding to the message I sent into cyperspace. That experience made me realize that I was in no way ready or emotionally healthy enough to even begin dating.
I don't know if it's that metaphysical. I think at least half the people on Match.com are people looking to use others. Married men, addicts, golddiggers, 'playas' who think they've hit the sex jackpot, general losers in life, and men who don't mesh well with women. Those hunting, camping, sports guys don't find a lot of women who like the same. Yes, there are some women who like roughing it, etc... but not many. They might be nice guys but have trouble leaving the 'guy' culture to interact with women.

I myself have NO interest in sports or hunting/camping/hiking/fishing/roughing it. However, I don't care if you watch a lot of sports or go camping with your buddies. I love the thought of spending a day on a boat reading while you fish, and I'll accompany you to a resort where you spend the day hiking or hunting, while I amuse myself. I had too much roughing it in the Army and just don't get what's fun about it.

There are women who are the same, who can spend days shopping for clothes and fussing over their cats and gossiping. Not many men relate to that. However, flexible tolerance and other mutual interests can overcome that.

One thing I noticed was how many men made a big deal about how much they worked out or went to the gym. And their pictures would show a man with the typical middle age spread--clearly someone who wasn't working out a lot. Not a problem because middle aged people have middle aged bodies. Just funny so many make a point of working out.

IMO, a large portion of the people on their just are not healthy relationship material, and a good minority are predators. However, I know a surprising number of people who have made happy, enduring marriages from Match, so who's to say.

I don't know if you aren't healthy enough to date yet, or just not ready, you would know best about that. But it seems very healthy to me that you had the ability to say no, walk away, and not give the benefit of doubt. You can pat yourself on the back most heartily for that.
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Old 07-07-2010, 04:55 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Lulu you ROCK!!!!

I LOVE this story. I love that you are being honest with and true to yourself. Thank you for sharing with us.
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