Jenny1232

I'm still in denial and shock of this whole thing... I'm having a hard time accepting, a hard time letting go.

It's safe to say he now hates me, for whatever reason. In fact, he's moved on to another girl. I just can't fathom how one day he's professing his love to me, and the next he's moved on to SOMEONE ELSE... Why? Why do they do this?

I did a lot of reading here yesterday, and I'm still very thankful he's elsewhere. MrPhillips said something about their personal ad, and it really stuck with me. Poor girl. Yet, he proceeded to tell me how sorry he feels for MY next boyfriend. I let it hurt me... and I cannot stop dwelling on this entire situation.

How? How do you say you love me one minute - and the next dispense me like garbage? Did I ever really matter? I feel rejected, unloved, unworthy, useless... Was it really all a lie?

He doesn't want me anymore. He wants her. Not that it matters, because I'm never going back there.. but ouch. I'm just in so much pain. I can't stop thinking about this.

I am happier lately, than I have been in a long, long time.. but the pain remains. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ALREADY MOVED ON. Ugh.

All that matters is, I'm taking care of me. I'm doing things I LOVE to do... and FINALLY, I get to see that incredibly hot guy with those beautifully scuplted abs rock climbing at my gym, and oh my! Kidding, but it makes me feel better about all of this...

Grr. I'm so frustrated. So upset. So excited. I just needed a vent. I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HE ALREADY MOVED ON. WHY?

Jenny1232

This whole addiction thing is just pissing me off... All I wanted was for him to stop drinking.. NOW ALL HE DOES IS DRINK.

DRINK
DRINK
DRINK
DRINK
DRINK

ARGH! He's a nasty A-hole anyway, SO WHY AM I DWELLING ON THIS? I'm so freaking mad and upset. He wouldn't quit for me. He's going to LIE LIE LIE to this girl. He's making out with girls at the bar. GRRRRR...

Where did my pumpkin go?

PieRat

Jenny,

Think about who you are talking about here? You really surprised he has "moved on" so quickly? The guy is incapable of a commitment, or involving himself in a loving relationship, and you know what? It has nothing to do with you, who he was with before you, and who he will be with afterwards. You know this too! I am not saying it does not sting. For you know that all to well. What I am saying is try and remove yourself. You are letting it affect your self esteem to a point, and it has nothing to do with that. It all has to do with him, and his addiction.

stella27

hon, he moved on because he needs someone to play the game with, and you weren't playing anymore. it does hurt, but you can see how shallow he is when you realize that he has just moved on - without reflection or self-examination.

mrphillipctrs1

Good morning Jenny,

This is the way I look at it. Yes it does hurt, happened to me about a month ago. I have made a help kit folder on my desktop. In this folder I keep posts I like, information I have gathered. my journal and my new life plan. I call it my recover folder.

When I feel myself thinking about her I go to this folder and pick out what I need to remind myself what reality is, and not what my fantasy was with her.

My XAGF left me in one day. She has feelings for him. What she has is nowhere else to go. She has pretty much burned every bridge in her life and this guy a recovering alcoholic himself, will be waking up to what she is doing before the summer is over. She needed to start fresh, with someone who did not know her secrets, her patterns and her motives and in a new town, where no one knows her or her past. I unfortunately got a new consulting contract there a week before she moved there. Fortunately I have not run into her or the new victim.

Your X is no different. I don't refer to her new man as her boyfriend I refer to him as the next victim.

As the airline pilot says, "You are now free to move about the cabin":day1

Jenny1232

I admit.. I'm still living in a fantasy. I keep hoping that one day, we'll be back together. It sucks, because I know he'll never change. I know I'll never be happy with him. I know he will never meet my needs.

I miss him
I love him
I want him

I am stuck.. I am stuck in my fantasy world. Of what I thought we had. What I thought I meant to him. This really, really sucks.

I just keep thinking.. one day. I really thought he'd change - and we'd make it work. I thought we meant enough to each other. Idiot.

coffeedrinker

Feeling rejected is always very painful. It goes to our core.

I gotta say, reading your words felt just a tiny bit like a stab TO ME.

I am dating.

I am very intentionally, trying, to move on.

I know that I needed to feel like there are other men, saner, healthier, mature men, who would possibly be interested in me as a person and as a woman. It might be somewhat sick, but it is part of my process, and I'm glad I'm doing it.



What me meeting other men, and possibly even kissing one of them some day means, is that I'm moving on with my life, romantically speaking.
It in no way means that I didn't love my x with all my heart, don't still consider that I love him, and don't still have my days where it's damn painful to not be with him.

Now, I don't really know what kind of comparison can be made - after all, I'm not a drug addict, I didn't beg him and tell him I couldn't live without him. Also, I'm not WITH someone, and I don't intend to be for quite awhile. I have every intention of doing the next relationship "right".

But, I just wanted to say that I know that I still love mine, just....we broke up.

stella27

go running or try a class in rock-climbing at the gym. Seriously. do something physical to take your mind off HIM.

PieRat

yeah I agree try something physical you lazy bum-ette!

coffeedrinker

Yep. You are. But take heart, Jenny. You really ARE moving forward, it just isn't quick enough for your comfort. That's normal.


I also think what Stella said, is right on the money.

Jenny1232

I am doing everything right. I already rock climb, go hiking, mountain biking, take classes, spend time with my family, work a full-time job. I am DAMN busy lately. I have lots of friends again...

The pain still remains.. I'm getting better though. Thank you for your input...

PieRat

Ever try to rollerskate in a buffalo herd?

FarawayFromCars

Jenny,

Sending you hugs. Please don't blame yourself for this one; he moved on because he has a false perception that he is right, which in his mind means that everyone else is wrong. He moved on because he expects that he can continue the game of drinking and expecting his other half to accept that. And you weren't willing to accept that anymore.

But really, drinking is his first love, and everyone / everything else will come after that. So...when this new person gets tired of playing the game, surely he'll move on to someone else...and someone else...and the pattern will continue.

The important thing is that YOU no longer have to live with his lies, his decisions, and his self-destructive behavior.

It will take time...but you deserve better.

Sending you hugs and good thoughts.

PieRat

qft!!!

Freedom1990

Jenny, give me your definition of love.

FarawayFromCars

Good for you, Jenny...keeping busy can be a lifesaver. Put you first, one foot forward, and then the other, and then the other....

wanting

Jenny, I had days where I couldn't get through it unless I held on to the belief that H and I would be together again one day. I had days where that was my only motivation. I knew that we couldn't be together unless certain things changed, on my end as well. So I just had the attitude of, "F it. I have to push forward in my growth if I ever want to be in a healthy relationship with this guy, and by the time I'm healthy again, if it's not meant to be, I won't care that much." I knew that I wasn't willing to continue the status quo, and that things wouldn't change if I didn't change, so I really had no choice in the matter. All I could do was commit to working on myself. H found someone rather quickly as well (like before there was any talk of separation), and it was the most painful thing I've ever been through. But I tried to just keep trusting my HP, that this was all for my greater good somehow. And it really has been. For the first time in my life, I feel like I know myself, I accept myself, and I will be happy and awesome no matter what.

Jenny1232

I'd like to remind myself for a a minute here.. what a douchebag he really is. Why on earth, would I miss this man?

He met a new girl - and they're very interested in each other. THAT, did not stop him from "making out with the dyke at the bar, who was seeking revenge on her girlfriend".

That makes no sense. It's a constant reminder of what a LOSER he is, how he CANNOT be trusted, and he CANNOT be taken serious, and how he CANNOT give one, what one is deserving of. It's a reminder, that whereever he goes, doucheness will follow in his path.

I despise this man. Despise him.

Yes, I hurt. That is why I'm dwelling. It feels good to let it out.

He's an *******
He pulls me down stairs
He pins me down on the bed, while screaming at me
He punches things
He shreds my clothes up into nothing
He looks in my eyes, and he LIES
He drinks like a fish
He abuses pain pills
He calls me a cu%t, B!tch, Wh0re, S!ut, etc.
He plays Mr. Sweetheart in front of others
He hangs up the phone on me
He constantly tells me how F'ed up I am, or how it's my fault
He turns off his phone to avoid dealing with arguments
He blows me off for the bars
He secretly talks to people and sees ex-girlfriends behind my back
HE JOINS SEX WEBSITES
He snoops through every belonging of mine
He stalks me
He threatens me
He hates my friends
He tells me I'm not strong enough
He's disrespectful

WHY, OH WHY would I like his man?

His words are meaningless.


Wooh, I hate this man... the real one. Love the idea, hate the man.

Falling in love with a sociopath - never again, let's hope.

dollydo

Jenny my dear,

He was really never with you, he was always on the lookout for someone else. He is a user, a cheater, a dive bomber, a must miss.

And on top of that an addict! Now, why in world would you have a fantasy of getting back with him? He has nothing to offer you, but grief and heartache.

You are now allowing him to hurt you through your own stinkin thinkin, put on your big girl panties and move on, you can do it!

PieRat

Make plenty of copies of that...tape them to your fridge door, your bathroom mirror, tape it to your forehead....just keep looking at that everytime you miss Mr. Wonderful....