HP at work
 

For those of you who know my saga, I wanted to post a rather important update regarding my former DSS, who was living full-time with XAH and I here in Montreal since we moved here together from Toronto.

For those of you who don't, here's the gist: XAH has 3 kids from 3 different mothers. DSS (now 13) is #2. His mother supposedly abandoned him as a baby--so says XAH, and came back when he was a toddler. XAH holds this over her head whenever he wants something from her, such as her permission to take her son and move out of province. When I left XAH, I tried my best to keep in touch with DSS, whom I'd parented for 5 years, but XAH forbade me to contact him, threatening me with legal action. My lawyer confirmed that I couldn't do a thing about this, so I let it go, despite repeatedly hearing from various ppl that DSS was doing very poorly after I left).

On Friday, my ex-MIL called while I was putting DD to bed. She spoke with my father for an hour. It was a long, emotional and convoluted conversation but here's the gist of it:

• ex-MIL spoke to DSS who is now in Toronto for the summer vacation.
• DSS and his mother both confirmed that DSS has decided to move back to Toronto to live with his mother.
• DSS also confirmed that he and XAH aren't on speaking terms at the moment (he said they're "mad at each other").
• DSS stated that he hasn't yet announced his decision to his father, but I assume that he chose to wait until he was a province away before doing this. I also assume that, knowing XAH, the repercussions of this will be rather dramatic.
• DSS, his mother, and her twin girls will be moving into a new apartment next week where DSS can have his own room.
• DSS will start school in Toronto in late August.
• DSS has asked that I write to him at his new address.

Can I convey to you my complete and utter relief at hearing this news? I broke down and cried, out of relief, but also sadness at hearing that DSS had in fact been going through hell, living with an abusive alcoholic father, and no doubt feeling neglected all the while. I've been struggling for a while now with my guilt at "leaving DSS behind" when I ran away from XAH, knowing full well that I couldn't save him. Every time I'd get a phone call from someone, or speak directly with someone who told me how DSS was doing, I'd have a crying fit...it's been so hard to let go of him. I'm so glad that somehow, he found the courage to ask his mother to go live with her, away from the toxic influence of his father.

In Toronto, DSS will be close to many family members. What's more, he'll be studying exclusively in English instead of in French, which I know will be a heck of a lot easier for him with the learning disabilities he struggles with. I can only hope and pray that XAH will stay far away from DSS, long enough for DSS to build a healthy social network and not be so vulnerable to his father's manipulations.

Thank you so much HP for taking care of such a kind and caring young man. This was truly a situation of "let go and let god", and this week-end, I was humbled to learn the meaning of it.

(Now if only HP would answer my prayers about making XAH move to the Arctic somewhere, I'd fall flat on my butt and would tattoo "GO HP!" on my body)

((hugs))

Sad story but sounds like some sunshine coming in finally. I really hate parents that do not put their kids first...boils my blood it does.

What a relief! I am so glad!

Thanks for sharing. My heart goes out to the boy.

Praise to your HP and prayers to you and your DSS. I'm delaighted that you may build a new relationship now with him. You can both now heal from the past and move one.

No more guilt. No more worry. Your HP is in charge.

Best wishes!!

Alice

noday,

what a relief for this boy. so glad he found a way out.
i have to admit, i got a little weepy when i read he wants you to write to him.
he knows what is right and good in this world, and he wants some of it.
thank you for sharing this.

beth

I know you felt guilty, but I think your leaving helped pave the way for DSS to leave as well. HP at work indeed. I'm so happy to hear the news. Hugs to you!

Oh, noday, I'm so happy your DSS found his way out too. I have been having such a hard time again handing things over to my HP, thank you for sharing your story.

Oh HP be praised, and now may he work on XAH.......by the way, what have the poor beasts of the arctic done to deserve to have that #%$#*&^ dumped on them?
Come to think of it, no-one and no thing, deserves being lumbered with him.

I sure wish DSS a happy, healthy and healing time out of his tormentor's clutches, and may he keep out of them for good.

What a load lifted from your shoulders, Noday, and such relief after being so worried about him. Now relax and leave it to Him to minister healing and peace to you.

God bless