Babyblue

I have written before about someone in recovery (7 mos) that I have grown very close to. We haven't shared anything physical between us and he is several hours away from. He told me recently that everything is fine between us but he has to take things slowly (i.e. a possible relationship). He reminded me of the 'no relationships for first year' in recovery belief because things between us were headed into most likely a more intense direction. Now It feels like we are going backwards

He's worried that getting any more involved with me would distract him from his recovery (which he takes very seriously). I completely agree and support him on an intellectual level but my feelings aren't in as much agreement.
I feel like a door was closed gently on me and I am left standing outside puzzled. I'm trying not to take it as rejection. But that is what it feels like.

For those who went through recovery, how can I best support him in a healthy way? And will he pick up where he left off when he feels stronger and ready for more? I never doubted that he cares deeply for me. But the regression is hard for me to work through. Have people in recovery set aside something like we have to come back to it later?

I'm scared to let go because he may not come back. Or do I have to let go altogether? I know I need to ask him more about this but I wanted to have more info from others who have been through this type of experience (on either side). And what exactly does slowing down mean for someone in recovery? Does it mean we still go in a direction but at a much slower pace?

Oh and for informational purposes, I have no personal experience with anyone in recovery and I've never been a drinker/user.

transformyself

Hey there, my first instinct is to say you take good care of yourself! Really truly work on focusing on your life and let your friend do his thing.

Anyone else?

mrphillipctrs1

I know about those feelings and having someone in recovery.

From my experience, I would say definitely let him be on his own. This is his decision and I know it's hard not to worry, but you have to let him have it. The only way someone will get through it, is on their own, utimately their own decision.

If you try to stay, he will resent it. This is his addiction, and you did not cause it, you cannot control it, and you can't cure it.

Each person deals with their addiction their way, it is not personal against you, it really is his personal business.

If it is God's will, it will happen. You cannot will it to happen with your support alone.

Babyblue

I do focus on my own life, but I want him to stay in my life which is the great unknown in his healing.