lulu1974

Its something I never had...my love for him was tainted. I could never truly let go and love him. He didnt allow it. And I know he never felt it for me. We were addicted to each other. Prisoners of alcoholism really.
I watched a romantic comedy tonight "When in Rome". Now I know its a movie and not reality. But it gave me hope again!!!! For true love..

Can you imagine one day loving myself and then sharing that love with someone who truly loves me. I have been given a second chance at life by my HP. A few months ago I thought I was being punished but these days I see I have a new lease on life. And this is so important because I was seeing my divorce as a black mark on my life and I would always be labeled divorced. But now I see it as a lesson learned and freedom!!

I swear in recovery and by the blessings of my HP, I learn more and more every day about myself and life. I never had romance with him and never even thought about it. Never thought I deserved it. But when I am ready, I am not settling this time. And drunk romance doesnt count in my book anymore.

I can even wish true love for him. No regrets. I hope he gets well one day and finds it too because it can be beautiful and we all deserve true love and all the bells and whistles that come with it.

Wow. I cant believe all this time I was thinking about my marriage and its status versus love. I dont love him. But one day I will love in the right healthy way.

Thanks for listening
Hugs
Lulu

posiesperson

"But when I am ready, I am not settling this time."

Hooray, Lulu, I just love that!!!!


posie

lulu1974

I even remember his proposal made me feel strange. He said something that I was his angel and his devil. I was like,.,,huh what does that mean but of course i overlooked it but next time, I dont want to be referred to an devil while being asked to be married. lol..lol

Thumper

I can really relate to that Lulu.

I'm not sure how much alcoholism had to do with it (well I'm certain it made it worse or increased it - or at least cemented it) but I feel that my inability to give/receive love was there before I ever met my xah.

I really believe that without counseling (which ended when I moved so now I need to figure out the travel time in my schedule to make it start happening again) I will not ever get a close intimate relationship even if I pick a non-addict next time.

PieRat

I agree and will be a mantra of mine as well.

transformyself

There ya go! Now you're getting it. It takes distance for us to be able to see things more clearly. It's like that old song, I can see clearly now that rain is gone..

I was stunned by how long I held onto old beliefs. Acceptance is our FRIEND. It allows us to move on, to a better place. But I don't think it's just Codie behavior to hold onto to beliefs and behaviors that are outdated and no longer serve us. I think it's human nature.