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Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by Summerpeach 
I also don't think one needs to be mature to understand love and to not cheat. I think one needs to be spiritually grown to understand that cheating is wrong.
Mature people with broken spirits and egos cheat all the time.
Mature people with broken spirits and egos cheat all the time.
Mature = Spritually grown
A Pirate looks at 40
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by anvilhead
and finally, i know at least ONE woman who has bought her share of her porn. and other stuff at the adult store. of course the intent was as a shared experience, i never, i mean SHE never bought it for solo viewing.
<snicker>
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
My xah came to me one day some years ago wishing to have a discussion about our unfulfilling [sexual] relationship. I'll never forget the tone of his voice, and his words, saying "I have needs, but it would be in conflict with my morals to get them met outside the marriage." I know he loved me, I know he wanted to have a satisfying sexual connection, and I know he did not go outside our home to get it.
I too dislike the generalizations that are often made here.
I too dislike the generalizations that are often made here.
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by Summerpeach
I'm going to go against the grain here and many will disagree, but men are sexual beings, whether us women want to accept that or not.
Originally Posted by Summerpeach
Men need sex and when they don't get it from their wives, they go elswhere. Is it right? NO, but to them, it is!
The #1 reason why married men cheat: lack of sex (to them love) at home.
The #1 reason why married men cheat: lack of sex (to them love) at home.
Originally Posted by Summerpeach
Men feel a huge rejection when the women they love doesn't give them sex. They equate sex to love, like women equate emotionalsharing with love.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by anvilhead
Some men have reached the spiritual point and made a choice not to cheat, but the fact that they are wired for sex is never going to change.
i'm calling TOTAL BS here.......your gross misrepresentations of the male gender are insulting, demeaning and completely out of place here. maybe the men YOU'VE picked in YOUR Life have all cheated on you........but not all men cheat. and that has nothing to do with their spiritual development. reading your post it would be easy for someone to say, well that proves it, women are just a bunch of hostile b!tches.........they're just wired that way.
GMC, i'm sorry that your very personal and painful share with us here got so off track. how can WE help YOU today?
i'm calling TOTAL BS here.......your gross misrepresentations of the male gender are insulting, demeaning and completely out of place here. maybe the men YOU'VE picked in YOUR Life have all cheated on you........but not all men cheat. and that has nothing to do with their spiritual development. reading your post it would be easy for someone to say, well that proves it, women are just a bunch of hostile b!tches.........they're just wired that way.
GMC, i'm sorry that your very personal and painful share with us here got so off track. how can WE help YOU today?
Where did I say "all men cheat"
My interpretation of men is not insulting at all. Why all the drama?
Sorry if you feel FACTS are deaming. I'm not making this up, it's fact.
Why is it so hard to accept other people have opinions that differ from yours?
It seems like when one doesn't have the same opinion as yours, you need to attack and shove your opinions down others throats.
Yes, all the men in my life have cheated on me and all the men in the lives of all my female friends have cheated on them. I actually know very few people (notice I said people and not men) who have not cheated. Women normally cheat from emotion and men from lack of sex.
Why did you cheat on your husband?
Again, please show me where I said "all men cheat"
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
A gentle reminder:
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No posts that attack, insult, "flame", defame, or abuse members or non-members. Respect other members of the community and don’t belittle, make fun of, or insult another member or non-member. Decisions about health and recovery are highly personal, individual choices. "Flaming" and insults, however, will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree. This applies to both the forums and chat.
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Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: At the top of my mountain.
Posts: 124
Gotta agree with Jazzman on this one. Not everyone cheats. And personal experiences don't make for FACTS. Perhaps it is true that in your life, Summerpeach, it is a FACT that all your partners have cheated on you. That is not the fact in my life. Therefore, it isn't a FACT for everyone, just you and others who have had the same experience. I think this is what everyone is taking issue with. That, and the unfounded assumption that men are wired for sex, and women are wired for emotion. It just ain't so. Everyone is different. But I do think it is a convienent trope to trot out to excuse bad behaviour. "That's just the way men are!" Yeah, but no. Personally, most of the men I know would be insulted to be thought of as basically just an erect, walking penis.
Cheating is always about entitlement--a person thinks they are entitled to sex, no matter who they hurt. They think they are entitled to it, and care more about that than actually working through the issues with their partner that led to the death of the emotional, and eventually the physical, bond in the first place. God knows the last thing I feel like doing is getting it on with my alcoholic, selfish husband. Too many resentments have built up, and his utter lack of empathy or appreciation of me as a partner has pretty much ensured I don't want him touching me. If he decides to cheat, then that is on him, and a character flaw. It isn't about me not giving him sex.
Cheating is about selfishness, and emotional irresponsibility. It isn't a normal response to an emotional crisis, it is a selfish band-aid solution for a slighted ego. And both men and women can be assh*les, and think that cheating is a perfectly acceptable response.
GMC, hope you have had yourself checked for nasties! Take care of YOU.
Cheating is always about entitlement--a person thinks they are entitled to sex, no matter who they hurt. They think they are entitled to it, and care more about that than actually working through the issues with their partner that led to the death of the emotional, and eventually the physical, bond in the first place. God knows the last thing I feel like doing is getting it on with my alcoholic, selfish husband. Too many resentments have built up, and his utter lack of empathy or appreciation of me as a partner has pretty much ensured I don't want him touching me. If he decides to cheat, then that is on him, and a character flaw. It isn't about me not giving him sex.
Cheating is about selfishness, and emotional irresponsibility. It isn't a normal response to an emotional crisis, it is a selfish band-aid solution for a slighted ego. And both men and women can be assh*les, and think that cheating is a perfectly acceptable response.
GMC, hope you have had yourself checked for nasties! Take care of YOU.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: England
Posts: 741
I was with A, who I loved, in a sexless relationship for over 6 years and I didn't cheat but thought about it because my needs weren't being met. I had the best sex of my life with an on/off "friend" who I wasn't in love with at all, we just hooked up a lot before I met A.
I've known a lot of girlfriends with a huge sex drive and some with none, same goes for male friends. I really think that at time goes on the male/female divide is shortening and so the differences between the two genders aren't all that great any more.
I've known a lot of girlfriends with a huge sex drive and some with none, same goes for male friends. I really think that at time goes on the male/female divide is shortening and so the differences between the two genders aren't all that great any more.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Okay folks, take a break. Go walk around the block, breathe some air. The purpose of SR is to offer support to each other, not fill the net with even more negativity.
I am closing this thread as it has served it's purpose.
Mike
Moderator, SR
I am closing this thread as it has served it's purpose.
Mike
Moderator, SR
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