Day One
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 1,356
I too losing my dad at a young age and my mother turning to alcohol when I was young also grew up feeling I needed someone in my life in order to have a life. Now living on my own after years and years of relationships I am finally happy to be alone. It was very scary in the begining because I was always in a relationship. I am happy to say that I enjoy being alone and on my own. You will feel this too rose. It is scary but such an acomplishment to finally let go of the sick relationships and start to live for your self again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Thanks, he just called me after 4 days, and yes he had been drinking. He says that he can't stay there and wants me to buy him a ticket home so that he can sell his motorcycle and take off for good. I told him I didn't want him to come home yet at all. I also told him that I wasn't going to buy him a ticket, that he could buy one with the money I gave him if he wants to. He said the money is gone. $700 gone in 4 days? When he is staying at his parents house. I don't believe him and don't care. He said he will borrow the money from his parents if he has to. I repeated that I didn't want him to come home and ended the call.
I am not even tempted to buy him the ticket and if he comes home in spite of my request, I will spend a few days at my sister's house. She knows what is going on. I feel so calm I can hardly believe it. I keep praying I can stick to my guns. For today I am ok.
I am not even tempted to buy him the ticket and if he comes home in spite of my request, I will spend a few days at my sister's house. She knows what is going on. I feel so calm I can hardly believe it. I keep praying I can stick to my guns. For today I am ok.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 413
Tell him if he wants to take off for good to do it from there. You already sold his motorcyle to pay back the $700+ he owes you.
Make sure his parents know that if he borrows money, you wont be paying it back.
They just may give him the money to get rid of him if hes really acting up.
And yes they can spend a lot more than $700 in 4 days. Thats only $175 a day. Hes probably being Mr Bigshot and treating everyone. Dinner, you name it. Also, 5 or 6 rounds for the house and poof is gone.
Make sure his parents know that if he borrows money, you wont be paying it back.
They just may give him the money to get rid of him if hes really acting up.
And yes they can spend a lot more than $700 in 4 days. Thats only $175 a day. Hes probably being Mr Bigshot and treating everyone. Dinner, you name it. Also, 5 or 6 rounds for the house and poof is gone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 1,356
Wow Big Red Flag
If seven hundred dollars are gone in four days. He is doing a hell of alot more then drinking or drinking morning noon and night. I would be very careful. He is trying to get back here to weasel himself back into your life. He sounds very unstable right now. You surely don't need this in your life right now. He is just not ready to fight his demons. And you should not try to fight them for him either. Next time he calls tell him you don't want anything to do with him if he is not willing to get help. You can not enable him by doing what he says. You sound strong and I know having this time to your self you will get stronger. Don't give in. Let him stew in his crap for a while. This just be exactly what he needs. He is more then likely wanting to come home because A. His parents are already getting fed up.
b. He already pissed through the money you gave him and wants more.
or c. He is finally seeing how out of control his life is and how much you were there for him. If it is c good he needs to see how much you have been there for him and he needs to take a good long look at his life right now and how out of control it has become.
Stay strong and don't give in Rose. You are doing exactly what you need to for him and especially you.
If seven hundred dollars are gone in four days. He is doing a hell of alot more then drinking or drinking morning noon and night. I would be very careful. He is trying to get back here to weasel himself back into your life. He sounds very unstable right now. You surely don't need this in your life right now. He is just not ready to fight his demons. And you should not try to fight them for him either. Next time he calls tell him you don't want anything to do with him if he is not willing to get help. You can not enable him by doing what he says. You sound strong and I know having this time to your self you will get stronger. Don't give in. Let him stew in his crap for a while. This just be exactly what he needs. He is more then likely wanting to come home because A. His parents are already getting fed up.
b. He already pissed through the money you gave him and wants more.
or c. He is finally seeing how out of control his life is and how much you were there for him. If it is c good he needs to see how much you have been there for him and he needs to take a good long look at his life right now and how out of control it has become.
Stay strong and don't give in Rose. You are doing exactly what you need to for him and especially you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
I don't know what he is doing. He called again this morning and asked me to seel the motorcycle for him so he won't have to come home. He said that his parents have said that he is killing them with the worry from the problems in his life. So he has decided to leave there. I told him that his parents will be worried just as much if he takes off to parts unknown. I told him I will not sell the motorcycle quickly as he wants to because I don't agree with that plan. He said that then he will have to fly home tonight and sell it himself. I told him once again that I did not want him to come home right now, that I want more time alone to get my thoughts together.
So I don't know whether he is coming home tonight or not. If he does arrive I will tell him again that he is not welcome and ask him to leave. That is all I can do right now. That and pray for the courage to stick to my decision to have a more peaceful life.
So I don't know whether he is coming home tonight or not. If he does arrive I will tell him again that he is not welcome and ask him to leave. That is all I can do right now. That and pray for the courage to stick to my decision to have a more peaceful life.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
I am so impressed with what you said Rose....that what you want is a more peaceful life. If your life can be peaceful with him in, great! If not....then not. It is like you know what you want now...you have a goal to work toward.
((((Hugs))))
JT
((((Hugs))))
JT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Good Morning. Your right JT, having a more peaceful life is my goal. I realize that I have not been able to attain a new attitude and keep it, with him in the house drinking etc. I am pretty clear that there is no magical new attitude or approach that will make this life with him manageable or peaceful for me. So he has to go. I am starting to feel excited about starting over with a new life. I feel more hopeful that it is possible to change my life into something I enjoy and feel good about. All this time I have felt stuck like there was no way out.
Hubby is home, he flew in last night at 8:15pm. I got the call from my son at 7:20 that he needed to be picked up at the airport and my son could not do it as he was working. So even though I was angry about it, I picked him up. We didn't speak. So we will see what today brings.
But I feel ok, clear for the first time in many years. I plan to go see a movie after work and enjoy myself. I also plan to start my fourth step in earnest today. Life is good.
Hubby is home, he flew in last night at 8:15pm. I got the call from my son at 7:20 that he needed to be picked up at the airport and my son could not do it as he was working. So even though I was angry about it, I picked him up. We didn't speak. So we will see what today brings.
But I feel ok, clear for the first time in many years. I plan to go see a movie after work and enjoy myself. I also plan to start my fourth step in earnest today. Life is good.
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: mass
Posts: 1,356
ROSE
I thought he was simply coming to pick up the bike. I worry that since you let him stay the night he will not leave now causing you more pain and suffering. I pray that it does not. He says he is killing his parents but I think his parents witness him **** through the money you gave him and they witnessed his behavior and thats what scared them. He was more then likley getting s t faced in front of them. Not the his life being upside down but his life being upside down and him not doing a damn thing about it.
Enjoy the movie but please stay firm with him and don't let him minipulate you as he has done in the past.
I thought he was simply coming to pick up the bike. I worry that since you let him stay the night he will not leave now causing you more pain and suffering. I pray that it does not. He says he is killing his parents but I think his parents witness him **** through the money you gave him and they witnessed his behavior and thats what scared them. He was more then likley getting s t faced in front of them. Not the his life being upside down but his life being upside down and him not doing a damn thing about it.
Enjoy the movie but please stay firm with him and don't let him minipulate you as he has done in the past.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Rose, Good for you....I don't know alot about your story but I do most sincerely hope you are attending meetings and have a sponsor.....that you are working the Steps with...
In the meantime, you know what you need to do to stay in the eye of the storm.
God Bless!
In the meantime, you know what you need to do to stay in the eye of the storm.
God Bless!
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