kitCat

Hi. This is my first time here. I have not attended an Al-Anon meeting yet and not sure if I will. I know I should, but it would be a huge step for me and not one that I'm ready to do. I have a husband who drinks twice a week. Once during the week, the other is Saturday night. His drinking starts at 3 pm and goes until 4 am. Then he flops in bed and either snores all night or pees all over the bed. I'm so tired of this. I am a professional and I know I need to move on. I have thought hard about this and know if I make this move, I'll be losing a lot in my life. But... I am learning that my house and car don't mean anything compared to my happiness. We have kids, the youngest being 16. He's not abusive or anything like that. Its just when he drinks the next day is useless for me. I'm tired of this and feel I deserve more in life. He will tell me that he doesn't want to go out because we don't have the money, but yet he'll spend the evening in his garage drinking. I don't know where to turn. Thanks for listening

heathea

do you feel like he needs help

countrygirl

You can do a lot before going to meetings - read here, get some books, I was here for at least 3 months before I went to a meeting. You don't even have to go at all unless you think it is needful. You might think so later.

My hubby isn't usually mean but I am sitting here watching him kill himself with beer, plus I feel like I do all the work and giving. I get angry too but I am getting better at making choices now, including somewhat, how I will react when these things happen.

There is a lot of info right here on the site. It is all about finding your own way to the best life you can have, with them or without them.

Good luck. Glad you are here. It's a good place.

countrygirl

PS I'm in Iowa, too. Live in the country. Lots of grass for ME to mow. I recently just quit mowing, heck with it, if it looks bad, it isn't the end of the world.

TinyOne

A pee-er? Mine too. Twice. Glad he's gone. Thank you for having the courage to admit it. Gives 'wet spot' a whole new meaning.

JT

Welcome!

If you have meetings in your area I would strongly suggest that you find the time. You can leave the alcoholic, but you will be taking you with you. I know for me, I married and divorced one alcoholic and married another. My son is also an alcoholic.

My own issues followed me until I was forced to surrender. If I has listened when God whispered I wouldn't have had to endure what came later.

Al Anon is all about you!

Hugs,
JT

Cecilia

Mine too. He left his mark in the bed a couple of times too. Is that a common thing?

kitCat

wow, thank you for your comments. I love the quote from Tinyone - I'd rather be alone and lonely than lonely, resentful and angry with another." This is exactly the way I feel. I am going to look into the readings that have been recommended before I attend an Al-anon meeting. I think I need to be prepared and strong when I attend one. I know what I want and I know that I have strength to pursue it but I also love this man and that is what is keeping me to move on. I am learning that leaving him does not mean that I won't love him, I always will. But until he learns that his drinking is destroying his family, then I have to be STRONG one here and start moving forward on my own.

JT

Prepared and strong to attend Al Anon??

I crawled in on my knees and cried my entire first meeting.

I am not sure what you need to prepare for. There are no tests. How, I ask, does one prepare for the unknown?

Hugs,
JT

Rainy

Kitcat,

The material things really don't mean anything--but you do. Please remember that and please consider Alanon too. You don't have to make a decision on what you're going to do right now either, give yourself some time to breathe and think.

((hugs))