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Last night, after watching a movie, I fell asleep. About 1230, my phone goes off (text message) and it was him. "U ok?"
Wow. Really? I mean you told me just Tuesday that you were not in love with me and that I needed to go live my life. And now you want to know if i am ok?
Why the hell would he even care if i am ok first of all. And second, why, on a saturday night at 1230 is the person "you are not in love with" and "just dont feel it for you" even on your frickin mind?
I have been hurt over this...and for what ever reason, this text has straight up pissed me off. I did not reply to it, as much as i wanted to jsut say F U, i didnt.
Its games. i am sick of my life, feelings and heart being a frickin game to him.
I dont know what his intentions were with this text. Feels bad about what he said? Testing the waters? Thought maybe I was out on a date? Drunk off his ass? Who knows.
I guess I just needed to vent.......
Wow. Really? I mean you told me just Tuesday that you were not in love with me and that I needed to go live my life. And now you want to know if i am ok?
Why the hell would he even care if i am ok first of all. And second, why, on a saturday night at 1230 is the person "you are not in love with" and "just dont feel it for you" even on your frickin mind?
I have been hurt over this...and for what ever reason, this text has straight up pissed me off. I did not reply to it, as much as i wanted to jsut say F U, i didnt.
Its games. i am sick of my life, feelings and heart being a frickin game to him.
I dont know what his intentions were with this text. Feels bad about what he said? Testing the waters? Thought maybe I was out on a date? Drunk off his ass? Who knows.
I guess I just needed to vent.......
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
This brings me back to a year ago the night after my XA had told me he still had feelings for his ex, and that he didn't want a relationship with me..... I was so hurt and the next day I laid on the couch all day....
that night I got a text from him at around 1am that just said "How are you?" ...I didn't respond to it, so about 30 minutes later he called.
I answered, and we ended up speaking to each other like the previous conversation from the night before never happened. At the time, that was my denial
Way to stay strong!!!
that night I got a text from him at around 1am that just said "How are you?" ...I didn't respond to it, so about 30 minutes later he called.
I answered, and we ended up speaking to each other like the previous conversation from the night before never happened. At the time, that was my denial
Way to stay strong!!!
I've come to believe that the only person whose intentions I should be trying to decipher is me.
Last night, after watching a movie, I fell asleep. About 1230, my phone goes off (text message) and it was him. "U ok?"
Wow. Really? I mean you told me just Tuesday that you were not in love with me and that I needed to go live my life. And now you want to know if i am ok?
Why the hell would he even care if i am ok first of all. And second, why, on a saturday night at 1230 is the person "you are not in love with" and "just dont feel it for you" even on your frickin mind?
I have been hurt over this...and for what ever reason, this text has straight up pissed me off. I did not reply to it, as much as i wanted to jsut say F U, i didnt.
Its games. i am sick of my life, feelings and heart being a frickin game to him.
I dont know what his intentions were with this text. Feels bad about what he said? Testing the waters? Thought maybe I was out on a date? Drunk off his ass? Who knows.
I guess I just needed to vent.......
Wow. Really? I mean you told me just Tuesday that you were not in love with me and that I needed to go live my life. And now you want to know if i am ok?
Why the hell would he even care if i am ok first of all. And second, why, on a saturday night at 1230 is the person "you are not in love with" and "just dont feel it for you" even on your frickin mind?
I have been hurt over this...and for what ever reason, this text has straight up pissed me off. I did not reply to it, as much as i wanted to jsut say F U, i didnt.
Its games. i am sick of my life, feelings and heart being a frickin game to him.
I dont know what his intentions were with this text. Feels bad about what he said? Testing the waters? Thought maybe I was out on a date? Drunk off his ass? Who knows.
I guess I just needed to vent.......
You did the right thing.
His intentions?... to draw you back into the drama...the dance.
The last conversation I had with my ExAH... he threatened to sue me and he's the one that owes me money.... :rotfxko
So now he calls about every other day... doesn't bother to leave a message... evidently has nothing to say and even if he did... I don't want to hear it. I have removed myself from the front row of his life and am concentrating on me.
It sucks to realize that we mean nothing to them... but it's wonderful to realize that we NOW control what we let in and don't let in... and that is quite peaceful.
Take care.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Hammerhead...so well said. I needed to hear this today. Thank you..
Last edited by DesertEyes; 06-13-2010 at 01:25 PM. Reason: fixed broken quote
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 132
Here is what I just can not get. If you are done, be done. I keep hearing over and over from him "i dont know what I want" or "i am not ready for this". Ok. I hear you. I leave him alone. its not as if I am contacting him, stalking him, lurking at him from afar. I have walked away. Go on and drink, play around, what ever it is you are wanting to do.
I guess I just cant understand the thinking behind this. I would never, ever say the things he said to me and then, 4 days later, text "u ok". I just cant wrap my mind around that.
I guess I just cant understand the thinking behind this. I would never, ever say the things he said to me and then, 4 days later, text "u ok". I just cant wrap my mind around that.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Spin, of COURSE he called you and asked if you are OK after telling you such hurtful things. It is just typical. First, they say or do something to HURT you, to make you emotionally vulnerable. Then they go away for a little bit, to make you miss them and/or panic. Let you stew in your pain for a while. Then, they "check in" or put forth some small effort to make you think they care. They CREATE the "damsel in distress," and we just play the role. Until we STOP playing the role.
Of course doing this makes no sense, but it is the way I understand it from my experiences with alcoholics, addicts, and otherwise abusive people. So do yourself a favor and stop answering his texts and stop answering his calls. You will NEVER be having the same conversation as he.
Of course doing this makes no sense, but it is the way I understand it from my experiences with alcoholics, addicts, and otherwise abusive people. So do yourself a favor and stop answering his texts and stop answering his calls. You will NEVER be having the same conversation as he.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 132
I cant help but think that maybe, as usual, its about him again.
He is feeling bad about saying what he said and needs to clear his own soul. That sounds like him.
But, I am talking about an alcoholic who i believe is also bipolar. so who knows what was behind it.
I have a feeling this isnt the last of him. But, what he doesnt realize is I am super pissed and bitter right now. I am not in this "i will do anything to make this work" mood i have always been in when this has happened before. I am over it.
Its amazing what one text and 4 days will do for you. Hope it stays!
He is feeling bad about saying what he said and needs to clear his own soul. That sounds like him.
But, I am talking about an alcoholic who i believe is also bipolar. so who knows what was behind it.
I have a feeling this isnt the last of him. But, what he doesnt realize is I am super pissed and bitter right now. I am not in this "i will do anything to make this work" mood i have always been in when this has happened before. I am over it.
Its amazing what one text and 4 days will do for you. Hope it stays!
I guess one of the things I really hated about my ex was all the childish games. he always wanted to have a fall back position, if the current gig didn't work out, he wanted to shamooze me so I would take him back. He would use all the tricks in his bag, he never gave a thought to how all his cr*p was affecting me. It was all about him.
Four years later as my ex, he is still attempting to contact me. Nah,Nah, not going to happen, letters are tossed unread, my cell number has been changed , my land line is new and unlisted, and, all my family have changed their numbers.
Game, set, match...I win.
Dolly
Four years later as my ex, he is still attempting to contact me. Nah,Nah, not going to happen, letters are tossed unread, my cell number has been changed , my land line is new and unlisted, and, all my family have changed their numbers.
Game, set, match...I win.
Dolly
"U ok? " means "I don't like my independence as much I thought I would. The other ladies aren't jumping to replace you, as I had hoped. Will you take care of me again? I need things to be easy for me again....at least until I decide I'm bored with you and your wounded spirit that I caused, and have another bout of selfishness and entitlement and go running off again, which you can bet the farm will happen, oh yes"
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 132
Paintbaby...that is funny! And hopefully true!
My friend put it into perspective for me:
"if he really wants you and loves you, he will come to you and he will be a changed man. until then, dont shrink to fit".
My friend put it into perspective for me:
"if he really wants you and loves you, he will come to you and he will be a changed man. until then, dont shrink to fit".
Here's a quote from "Just for Today"...
As using addicts, the demands of our disease determined our personality. We could be whoever or whatever we needed to be in order to get our "fix." We were survival machines, adapting easily to every circumstance of the using life.
For example:
As a codie, the demands of our disease determined our personality. We could/would rescue whoever or whatever we needed in order to "feel loved/wanted/good-enough". We perceive love/loving as being able to adapt to every circumstance... no matter the consequence.
Hope this makes sense to you .... it's really helped me.
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So, lets say on the slim chance (I know, but to make my point) that he does "change". How do you know its real change and not another smoke screen?
I guess my issue is I dont trust now. I will compare everything to him. I will be expecting "hey i need space" or "i am not in love with you" from men from now on.
He once told me this: "my issue with you is that you dont need me. all the other women i have dated need me for something, pay rent, car payments, etc. you dont. this bothers me".
Does that mean he has some codie issues as well?
The A I grew up with is completely different than the A i dated. So its confusing to me. My father was violent, drank all day and night, could not work, completely not able to function.
The A I dated is opposite. Not violent in any way, very affectionate when drinking (more than when he was sober), only drinks at night, very successful at work (was salesman of the month 4 months in a row), maintains a clean house. He is a functional A. Its weird.
I guess part of me was waiting to see the A I grew up with to come out in order to officially accept that fact that A i was dating was in fact an A. Up until 3 weeks ago, I just simply thought he has a drinkiing problem thats getting out of control.
I hate constantly trying to figure this out. But I guess in order to heal and learn from my mistakes, I need to try to make sense of some of it.
I guess my issue is I dont trust now. I will compare everything to him. I will be expecting "hey i need space" or "i am not in love with you" from men from now on.
He once told me this: "my issue with you is that you dont need me. all the other women i have dated need me for something, pay rent, car payments, etc. you dont. this bothers me".
Does that mean he has some codie issues as well?
The A I grew up with is completely different than the A i dated. So its confusing to me. My father was violent, drank all day and night, could not work, completely not able to function.
The A I dated is opposite. Not violent in any way, very affectionate when drinking (more than when he was sober), only drinks at night, very successful at work (was salesman of the month 4 months in a row), maintains a clean house. He is a functional A. Its weird.
I guess part of me was waiting to see the A I grew up with to come out in order to officially accept that fact that A i was dating was in fact an A. Up until 3 weeks ago, I just simply thought he has a drinkiing problem thats getting out of control.
I hate constantly trying to figure this out. But I guess in order to heal and learn from my mistakes, I need to try to make sense of some of it.
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