Reminders brought me back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Reminders brought me back
Hi everyone...
I needed to share because I thought I was doing a good thing last night but then it brought up old feelings. I decided to move all out his past emails to another folder last night without reading them to get them out of my way. I may need them for the divorce so I cant delete them as he promised some things in them. But in email you can sometimes see the first few lines.
Well this triggered me to be sad. I have been doing really well for a while now and got sad last night and today. I guess I need to tell myself it doesnt matter how sweet his emails were..The man is sick and has no clue. I mean when I weigh his sweet words to all his has actually done, there is no question to the horrible, cruel abusive person he was to me. But just for today I am mourning and hate it. I dont want to feel these feelings of sadness.
Plus I am recovering from surgery and am homebound so not much I can do.
I noticed when I focus on Alanon literature and books it also brings me back. I would like for this to not happen but it does.
I was hoping someone can share their experience or any suggestions you may have.
Hugs
Lulu
I needed to share because I thought I was doing a good thing last night but then it brought up old feelings. I decided to move all out his past emails to another folder last night without reading them to get them out of my way. I may need them for the divorce so I cant delete them as he promised some things in them. But in email you can sometimes see the first few lines.
Well this triggered me to be sad. I have been doing really well for a while now and got sad last night and today. I guess I need to tell myself it doesnt matter how sweet his emails were..The man is sick and has no clue. I mean when I weigh his sweet words to all his has actually done, there is no question to the horrible, cruel abusive person he was to me. But just for today I am mourning and hate it. I dont want to feel these feelings of sadness.
Plus I am recovering from surgery and am homebound so not much I can do.
I noticed when I focus on Alanon literature and books it also brings me back. I would like for this to not happen but it does.
I was hoping someone can share their experience or any suggestions you may have.
Hugs
Lulu
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry you were saddened by the emails.
((((Lulu))))
Your body is healing and using precious energy for recovery.
This takes time. Can you do something pampering for yourself today? Give yourself a hand massage?
I gave myself a body scrub last night. I used Kosher Salt, massage oil and liquid soap. Nothing fancy, but my skin is super soft today!
You are showing signs of recovery in your post. Good on you! You recognized that his actions are not matching his smooth words. Way to Go!
((((Lulu))))
Your body is healing and using precious energy for recovery.
This takes time. Can you do something pampering for yourself today? Give yourself a hand massage?
I gave myself a body scrub last night. I used Kosher Salt, massage oil and liquid soap. Nothing fancy, but my skin is super soft today!
You are showing signs of recovery in your post. Good on you! You recognized that his actions are not matching his smooth words. Way to Go!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Being stuck at home can be a hard one! I had surgery in Dec and was stuck at home, all alone, while feelings were still raw.
It's completely natural, what you are feeling. And like Pelican said, you are showing signs of recovery. Look at you, doing what you need to do to start to heal! Filing those emails away. That's a start. And yes, certainly catching a few lines can trigger some memories.
I would say, when you feel sad, let yourself completely feel it. I remember when I would feel so sad, I would literally say to myself, ok, i'm going to sit here and feel this ...all of it. I'm not going to push it down or ignore it. And I CRIIIEEED. And then, the day would go on, or the next morning would come, and I didn't feel as sad. And the emotional roller coaster of feelings became less and less.
You are doing so well!!! I would honestly be worried if you didn't have those moments of sadness right now. You are dealing with them, and that is healthy.
You have SO much to look forward to!! Let me ask you, where do you see yourself in a year? What do you want to do that is just for you? Me for example, i'm back in school, studying, and looking forward to creating my career...maybe a little later in life than many.... but I love that I am doing it! What about you?
It's completely natural, what you are feeling. And like Pelican said, you are showing signs of recovery. Look at you, doing what you need to do to start to heal! Filing those emails away. That's a start. And yes, certainly catching a few lines can trigger some memories.
I would say, when you feel sad, let yourself completely feel it. I remember when I would feel so sad, I would literally say to myself, ok, i'm going to sit here and feel this ...all of it. I'm not going to push it down or ignore it. And I CRIIIEEED. And then, the day would go on, or the next morning would come, and I didn't feel as sad. And the emotional roller coaster of feelings became less and less.
You are doing so well!!! I would honestly be worried if you didn't have those moments of sadness right now. You are dealing with them, and that is healthy.
You have SO much to look forward to!! Let me ask you, where do you see yourself in a year? What do you want to do that is just for you? Me for example, i'm back in school, studying, and looking forward to creating my career...maybe a little later in life than many.... but I love that I am doing it! What about you?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
I would like to go to more alanon meetings/therapy and in a year be healthier. I would also like to be in better shape and not as tired all the time.
No goals right now except to get out of this mess. I was in school but everything was too much at once so I deferred to the fall semester.
And yes...I am proud for filing them away.
I am glad I talked about it here. I am starting to feel better.
And I did notice the medication and steroids I am taking have had a definite toll on my body and mental state. So I have to admit I have done so well with all this considering I have been facing many obstacles.
Love (((SR))))
Hugs
Lulu
No goals right now except to get out of this mess. I was in school but everything was too much at once so I deferred to the fall semester.
And yes...I am proud for filing them away.
I am glad I talked about it here. I am starting to feel better.
And I did notice the medication and steroids I am taking have had a definite toll on my body and mental state. So I have to admit I have done so well with all this considering I have been facing many obstacles.
Love (((SR))))
Hugs
Lulu
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
You are doing just fine. I know that when I do not feel good, I tend to be more sensitive to everything. Plus if I am hanging around the house, I have more time on my hands to rehash old issues.
Keep your resolve, brighter days are coming!
Keep your resolve, brighter days are coming!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Reminders brought me back......
Hi Lulu, 
Mine is a little different situation being that it is memories of my Son & Grandson that made me feel sad with tears behind my eyes & that lump in my throat.
We went to our fourth grandchild's Highschool Graduation yesterday. We have two more to go & will be done & going to college graduations for some.This Grandson is the perfect image of his Dad in build, features, & personality. He was in the top of his class with being on the honor role all four years of highschool plus track & cross country running for four years. He took part in a lot of school activities offered like the Choir & the Knowledge Bowl.
Our Son, his Dad, went into the Navy right from highschool & didn't take part in a graduation ceremony...he came home when he was Honorably Discharged after four years of service. He brought along with him a very involved alcohol problem which got worse as time went on. He did get married and had two sons but still kept drinking & losing jobs due to his alcohol problem.
I had been sober several years by then & tried to help him when he asked. He went to in-patient treatment several times & also in-patient treatment & counseling for his Major Depression.
He went to Mental Health here locally but I suggested he get an appointment with the VA Hospital in Seattle to get in the system for his depression & alcohol problem since he was diagnosed with both in the Navy. Luckily he did what I had suggested so when he attempted suicide he was covered for all of his medical needs.
He is a quadriplegic now & forty years old. During the graduation all these memories flooded back in my mind of our son & his baby son and all that has happened through the years. It has been eight years since our son was hurt but still seems like it isn't really true.
His sons are an example of what every grandparent would be proud of. Their Mom has been an excellant Mother & mentor. She & my son were divorced due to his drinking escapades but have good communication regarding their boys.
It must be hard for you with the way your husband is behaving. I had that happen to me with my second husband & I didn't have a computer yet & just unplugged the phone when I got home from work.
He broke every rule in the book that had been set by the judge but the cops couldn't do anything about it unless they saw him do what he was doing...so why have restraining orders...they are worthless.
Need to go cook supper....sausage gravy & bisquits. I hope each day will get better for you....I am the alcoholic in recovery now for 21 years...very proud of that.
kelsh
Mine is a little different situation being that it is memories of my Son & Grandson that made me feel sad with tears behind my eyes & that lump in my throat.
We went to our fourth grandchild's Highschool Graduation yesterday. We have two more to go & will be done & going to college graduations for some.This Grandson is the perfect image of his Dad in build, features, & personality. He was in the top of his class with being on the honor role all four years of highschool plus track & cross country running for four years. He took part in a lot of school activities offered like the Choir & the Knowledge Bowl.
Our Son, his Dad, went into the Navy right from highschool & didn't take part in a graduation ceremony...he came home when he was Honorably Discharged after four years of service. He brought along with him a very involved alcohol problem which got worse as time went on. He did get married and had two sons but still kept drinking & losing jobs due to his alcohol problem.
I had been sober several years by then & tried to help him when he asked. He went to in-patient treatment several times & also in-patient treatment & counseling for his Major Depression.
He went to Mental Health here locally but I suggested he get an appointment with the VA Hospital in Seattle to get in the system for his depression & alcohol problem since he was diagnosed with both in the Navy. Luckily he did what I had suggested so when he attempted suicide he was covered for all of his medical needs.
He is a quadriplegic now & forty years old. During the graduation all these memories flooded back in my mind of our son & his baby son and all that has happened through the years. It has been eight years since our son was hurt but still seems like it isn't really true.
His sons are an example of what every grandparent would be proud of. Their Mom has been an excellant Mother & mentor. She & my son were divorced due to his drinking escapades but have good communication regarding their boys.
It must be hard for you with the way your husband is behaving. I had that happen to me with my second husband & I didn't have a computer yet & just unplugged the phone when I got home from work.
He broke every rule in the book that had been set by the judge but the cops couldn't do anything about it unless they saw him do what he was doing...so why have restraining orders...they are worthless.
Need to go cook supper....sausage gravy & bisquits. I hope each day will get better for you....I am the alcoholic in recovery now for 21 years...very proud of that.
kelsh
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