pear123

Monday I filed our final paperwork. He never bothered to answer the original paperwork. Probably have about 2 months until I have to get a Sheriff to legally get him to leave. I don't necessarily want that on my hands...even though I know it is because he is an alcoholic. Plus, I can't wait until August.

Or do I leave now and stay at my parents? I don't want to do that, but I can't support our mortgage and another place for myself.

Should I just wait for the paperwork to come so he can see we are divorced or should I say something? If I say something, he will flip out and probably take one of the cars.

Taking5

Stay if you have long terms plans of living there. If not it really doesn't matter.

naive

hi pear-

i don't think i'd leave the home and him in it. i would tough it out until he leaves or is removed.

regarding the truck, can you lower your price and sell it and put that towards your joint cc debt?

have you considered driving it to a dealer and just taking what they offer you? i know that's drastic but it's better than him taking it, getting a third dui or hurting someone. that way, the truck is away and you don't have to worry about it anymore. might be worth taking a loss on...

or, when i needed to disable our car from my drunk, i could pull a few fuses which were next to the battery and that disabled the whole car. it was handy because when i needed to drive it again, i could just pop the fuses back in and go.

pear123

We will be leaving here, my kids and I and I will be paying the mortgage. When he is around, it is so stiffling. It literally is beer, beer, beer. Ride bikes with the kids, hide and beer. Go to AA meeting, hide and drink beer. Walk the dogs, hide and drink beer. And he just sleeps or mopes around.

Last night, I got the kids to bed and he had left to meet his sponsor. Was home within a hour. I didn't get any peace. He didn't feel well so he came home. Then flipped out on me and gets all angry over nothing and walks away.

I just want him gone.

pear123

I'm not sure where the sense of entitlement comes from, but he thinks he gets a vehicle after duis. I suppose if I disabled it, and he goes crazy, I could call the cops, and probably no cop would agree with someone who has no license and 2 duis and the car is in my name.

gerryP

Sounds good Pear.

Keep reminding yourself that things will not always be like this. In fact, it won't be long now that you and your children will be living a good and happy life. Take everything one day at a time. (Get a calender and put a line through each day that passes)

Jazzman

I had to simply wait it out, uncomfortable and ugly evenings for several months, had no choice. I spent a lot of evenings out of the house with the kids. We went to a lot of movies. But when she finally left it was... wonderful. All the stress was gone, the thick atmosphere, the ugliness, the foul moods and screaming fits. I had finally made it to the other side! You can make it, it will be worth it.

Do you know if you have to formally evict him and give him something like 90 days notice? I would wait until the legal paper work is finalized then tell him he has to leave. If he doesn't leave call the cops. Remember if he takes your car you can always call the cops and get it back.

transformyself

I know this feeling-that you can't possibly take another minute of the madness.

I would NOT however, leave him the house. Hell no.

I guess you have a few options:
Stay at your parents house
Call the cops when he's flipping out and trying to take the car, then file a restraining order
Is there anyone at all that will help you put him out?
If not, I would bide my time -leaving with the kids-until the paperwork is back and you can have him put out. That'll give you time to prepare; find childcare for the kids, get them into therapy to deal with all of this madness.

I know this is a nightmare, it will end! You're on the right path, it's just still rocky, dark and uphill.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Make yourself peaceful and happy?

DesertEyes

The best place to get advice would be an attorney or one of the local womens' shelters.

The reason is that laws are different everywhere. In some place you have to stay in the home in order to legally keep it after the divorce, in others you don't. Laws about vehicles and property are different, some places it matters who owned them before the marriage, some places it doesn't. Some place you can't sell a vehicle without his signature if it's considered "community property", some places you can.

The above experts can help you make a list of what things are important that you do, and which are not. They can also help you take the apropriate, and legal, steps to protect your property and your safety.

Oh yes, the best place to get a referal to a good, local lawyer is at a meeting of al-anon. Half the people there have a divorce lawyer, and the other half _are_ one

Mike