Bottom is different for every one. I know those who only needed a short time and a tap on the shoulder, and others who couldn't hit bottom if they leapt into the Grand Canyon.

Concentrate your energy on someone who deserves your attention most...YOU and let him go wander off in a boozy haze.

God bless

L told me he was an alcoholic. He told my family he was an alcoholic. He hid his drinking from me and my family, but openly did it in front of some of his friends. Now he does it in front of all his friends. Does it make sense? No. Is it consistent? No. Will I/we ever understand it? No. Will it make sense if we analyze it? No. This is where the accepting things I cannot change comes into play.

It all goes back to the Stages of Change. This can be helpful in understanding addiction and other behaviors. People can acknowledge they have a problem, but not be in the place to change that behavior.

The Stages of Change

* Precontemplation (Not yet acknowledging that there is a problem behavior that needs to be changed)
* Contemplation (Acknowledging that there is a problem but not yet ready or sure of wanting to make a change)
* Preparation/Determination (Getting ready to change)
* Action (Changing behavior)
* Maintenance (Maintaining the behavior change)
* Relapse (Returning to older behaviors and abandoning the new changes)

Peace, I love the way you bring it back to us. In my whirlwind of "what if I did this", at some point I would say - "This is who he is. This is what he has presented to you as a man, a partner, and a future husband. Is this what you want?"

There are no options on how he can be changed. The option is - "Do you want this or not?"

I love that moment of realization.

Ready.