So what's your take on this one?
Climbing hills, flying down...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 565
So what's your take on this one?
I'm currently planning a get together for a family friend at my house; it's a celebration and there will be alcohol. I let AS and the family know that there will be alcohol there, and if AS is uncomfortable, perhaps she could celebrate with us at a different time. The parents flipped out and say I'm not being mindful of AS and her problems. My thoughts are that this is a party I'm planning for a friend at our house--it's not for AS--so....... 
I can have celebrations for other people with alcohol....right?
I can have celebrations for other people with alcohol....right?
Climbing hills, flying down...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 565
Ha! Thanks, Bolina. Short and sweet. I fully understand if it was a party for AS and she did not want alcohol there. No problem. But this is for a friend...different situation, right?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 545
Yes.
The site wouldn't let me post that again on its own, but it stands.
It just comes down to the belief I have about doing whatever I want, as long as I am not breaking the law or harming anyone else (in a very broad sense of the word harm).
Does AS always get such a big payoff for her problems in terms of attention?
The site wouldn't let me post that again on its own, but it stands.
It just comes down to the belief I have about doing whatever I want, as long as I am not breaking the law or harming anyone else (in a very broad sense of the word harm).
Does AS always get such a big payoff for her problems in terms of attention?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Yup.
I know you are just at the beginning of coming to terms with the depth of your parents' denial and desire for control over your AS's problems, but you're doing a great job!! Hang in there and remember the goal is to keep yourself sane and healthy not to change their minds!
Have a wonderful party!
peace-
b
I know you are just at the beginning of coming to terms with the depth of your parents' denial and desire for control over your AS's problems, but you're doing a great job!! Hang in there and remember the goal is to keep yourself sane and healthy not to change their minds!
Have a wonderful party!
peace-
b
Climbing hills, flying down...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: By the Sea
Posts: 565
Thanks everyone...Bernadette--so true. I've felt stronger this past month (in terms of coming to terms of my sister's disease and setting boundaries that I can live with) than I ever have. It is in part thanks to everyone here!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Here's a story from my recent experience:
My brother has been alcoholic since he was 13, and he's 53 now. He's been really outside of the family for a long time doing his own thing. A couple of years ago I think he got "sick and tired of being sick and tired" so he's really had some good stretches of sobriety--so much so that my second brother took him in to live in his own home.
There was a family reunion planned by my aunt because my third brother was coming to visit and it had been ages since he had seen the extended family. Of course RAB was invited, as were we all. I mentioned to my aunt that he was coming. At some point she mentioned that there would be no alcohol at this party, but I never really thought much about it.
Well, I think my poor AB got stressed out about being with the extended family and relapsed the day before the party. So we all get there, and my second brother tells me AB won't be there. That's when my aunt mentioned how she had decided not to do alcohol because she didn't want it to be too hard on AB! But, now there was a whole roomful of people who would have probably enjoyed a glass of wine! Plus the party was held in CT, which is a dry state on Sundays--you can't buy alcohol. Of course we had a good time regardless but it was a case of 25 people accommodating one--and that one wasn't even there, and so that reason didn't even exist anymore.
Point being: You are definitely doing the right thing. Not that your RAS will relapse as my AB did, but as others have pointed out, you can't construct your lives around her.
My brother has been alcoholic since he was 13, and he's 53 now. He's been really outside of the family for a long time doing his own thing. A couple of years ago I think he got "sick and tired of being sick and tired" so he's really had some good stretches of sobriety--so much so that my second brother took him in to live in his own home.
There was a family reunion planned by my aunt because my third brother was coming to visit and it had been ages since he had seen the extended family. Of course RAB was invited, as were we all. I mentioned to my aunt that he was coming. At some point she mentioned that there would be no alcohol at this party, but I never really thought much about it.
Well, I think my poor AB got stressed out about being with the extended family and relapsed the day before the party. So we all get there, and my second brother tells me AB won't be there. That's when my aunt mentioned how she had decided not to do alcohol because she didn't want it to be too hard on AB! But, now there was a whole roomful of people who would have probably enjoyed a glass of wine! Plus the party was held in CT, which is a dry state on Sundays--you can't buy alcohol. Of course we had a good time regardless but it was a case of 25 people accommodating one--and that one wasn't even there, and so that reason didn't even exist anymore.
Point being: You are definitely doing the right thing. Not that your RAS will relapse as my AB did, but as others have pointed out, you can't construct your lives around her.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Jeez, is there anything your parents don't want to control. How did this family dynamic get so out of wack?
To me, you are on the right track. If you parents are so distraught over alcohol being served at Your party, they should just stay home and hold your sisters hand.
Have fun and enjoy yourself!
To me, you are on the right track. If you parents are so distraught over alcohol being served at Your party, they should just stay home and hold your sisters hand.
Have fun and enjoy yourself!
Recovering Nicely
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 935
I enjoy a nice Saturday BBQ once in a while with some friends, and my adult kids. For the past two years, my RAH was either in rehab at the time, or just out of rehab. We did not have any alcohol (usually, whoever drank, drank beer, so never any hard liquor) at any of them because we all agreed it wasn't fair to RAH, putting the "tempation" right in front of him. Needless to say, he wouldn't even really be around, he'd stay inside and watch tv, and even tho we did not drink, he relapsed anyway ....
Now he is sober 7 mos. and I have discussed this at length with my counselors. They both feel that alcohol is all around, on tv commercials, as you walk into a local convenience store, etc. We have spent so many years adapting our lives around the alcoholic, it is now time for the alcoholic to adapt his/her life around us.
Now he is sober 7 mos. and I have discussed this at length with my counselors. They both feel that alcohol is all around, on tv commercials, as you walk into a local convenience store, etc. We have spent so many years adapting our lives around the alcoholic, it is now time for the alcoholic to adapt his/her life around us.
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