Serenity prayer...I really really need it now.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
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Serenity prayer...I really really need it now.
Just a bit of background: I haven't been in contact with my former DSS for several months now. Subsequent to our separation, XAH encouraged me to have contact with DSS and even asked me to take him to my parents' place a few nights a week, conceivably so he could go out late at night and drink.
It didn't last very long because it is a long commute for DSS and because, during our custody-related arguments, XAH forbade me to speak with DSS, saying that I was going to poison his mind against him, and use him as amunition in a custody case. Apparently, DSS' mother agreed with this, and though it broke my heart, I stepped away from DSS. A few weeks later, XAH texted me to beg me to get back in touch with DSS, saying that he'd broken into his son's email and facebook page, and found various things that lead him to believe that DSS is gay. It freaked him out and he begged for my help in "keeping an eye on DSS". I squarely refused to do this because I know that no sooner would I have re-established contact with DSS that XAH would yank him back out of my life, threatening a law suit once again. I just didn't want to deal with the madness.
I still feel terribly guilty for "leaving DSS behind", because when I left, I promised him I wouldn't abandon him. But my relationship with XAH got so bad during the custody and divorce stuff that I just couldn't keep my promise.
Lately--on top of being told by my former superintendant that DSS looks ill and depressed, I've been receiving calls from DSS' school, since they've got me on their emergency list if DSS is absent or ill. I've repeatedly told them that I'm not in DSS' life any longer due to having divorced his father, but they can NEVER reach XAH so they call me. The first two calls were due to DSS being absent when XAH moved; I guess he needed some manual labour to help with the move so he yanked his teenage son out of school. The last two calls this afternoon were due to DSS feeling very ill while writing his finals; the office tried to call XAH on his call, which has been disconnected and XAH isn't picking up at work. Last I heard, XAH might have lost his job, but I can't confirm that. So, the calls keep coming to me...and DSS is sitting in the office, ill, with no one to take him home.
Ugh. I dunno. I keep trying to step away from this, and life or whatever keeps yanking me back in. I wish there was something I could do for DSS but I feel as though my hands are tied. He probably hates my guts right now due to being told all kinds of things about me.
This sucks.
It didn't last very long because it is a long commute for DSS and because, during our custody-related arguments, XAH forbade me to speak with DSS, saying that I was going to poison his mind against him, and use him as amunition in a custody case. Apparently, DSS' mother agreed with this, and though it broke my heart, I stepped away from DSS. A few weeks later, XAH texted me to beg me to get back in touch with DSS, saying that he'd broken into his son's email and facebook page, and found various things that lead him to believe that DSS is gay. It freaked him out and he begged for my help in "keeping an eye on DSS". I squarely refused to do this because I know that no sooner would I have re-established contact with DSS that XAH would yank him back out of my life, threatening a law suit once again. I just didn't want to deal with the madness.
I still feel terribly guilty for "leaving DSS behind", because when I left, I promised him I wouldn't abandon him. But my relationship with XAH got so bad during the custody and divorce stuff that I just couldn't keep my promise.
Lately--on top of being told by my former superintendant that DSS looks ill and depressed, I've been receiving calls from DSS' school, since they've got me on their emergency list if DSS is absent or ill. I've repeatedly told them that I'm not in DSS' life any longer due to having divorced his father, but they can NEVER reach XAH so they call me. The first two calls were due to DSS being absent when XAH moved; I guess he needed some manual labour to help with the move so he yanked his teenage son out of school. The last two calls this afternoon were due to DSS feeling very ill while writing his finals; the office tried to call XAH on his call, which has been disconnected and XAH isn't picking up at work. Last I heard, XAH might have lost his job, but I can't confirm that. So, the calls keep coming to me...and DSS is sitting in the office, ill, with no one to take him home.
Ugh. I dunno. I keep trying to step away from this, and life or whatever keeps yanking me back in. I wish there was something I could do for DSS but I feel as though my hands are tied. He probably hates my guts right now due to being told all kinds of things about me.
This sucks.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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If they cannot contact AH, why are they not then trying to contact DSS's mother? And, if neither parent can be contacted, I'd suggest to the school the next contact is CPS (child protective services; I don't know your equivalent in Canada). Sounds harsh, but you have no legal tie to this minor, and they have no business continuing to call you once they have been informed of this.
This is truly a tough, and hard situation, especially if you care for DSS. I'm sorry for how painful this must be for you, caring for him.
CLMI
This is truly a tough, and hard situation, especially if you care for DSS. I'm sorry for how painful this must be for you, caring for him.
CLMI
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Oh, I guess I should have been more specific.
DSS' mother lives in Ontario, so she's rather far away. And considering the fact that XAH's cell phone has been disconnected, I don't see what she could do were she to be informed of the situation. Furthermore, XAH's cell is the only phone in the house (as in, they have no house phone)...The only thing I have of hers is her email addy.
DSS' mother lives in Ontario, so she's rather far away. And considering the fact that XAH's cell phone has been disconnected, I don't see what she could do were she to be informed of the situation. Furthermore, XAH's cell is the only phone in the house (as in, they have no house phone)...The only thing I have of hers is her email addy.
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Join Date: May 2006
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Gosh this is a horrible situation for him, for you, the school has to ring child protection/social services. YOU can't legally do anything. I imagine, you have no legal right to pick up the child as his father has specifically forbade you from having contact, and you are no longer married.
I think you may have to write to the school to get yourself taken off of his contact list, you can explain that it isn't your wish to abandon him, but that you can't get involved anymore.
getting child services involved may start your daughter's brother down a path that leads him to get the care he deserves.
It is heartbreaking to hear about, I cannot imagine what it must be like for you, loving him and having to stand by. Hold strong
I think you may have to write to the school to get yourself taken off of his contact list, you can explain that it isn't your wish to abandon him, but that you can't get involved anymore.
getting child services involved may start your daughter's brother down a path that leads him to get the care he deserves.
It is heartbreaking to hear about, I cannot imagine what it must be like for you, loving him and having to stand by. Hold strong
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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I was initially tempted to email DSS' mother and tell her what's going on, but after a while, I realized that nothing I do will actually change anything. It's really not my job to make DSS' mother care or take action. This is just so much harder to let go of because I love DSS a lot and I feel that he's a "victim" of the situation.
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