This was the right thing to do....right?
I'm growing
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
This was the right thing to do....right?
wow! I can't believe I am even typing this, but my stomach is just in knots.
***Quick back story AH and I have been seperated for 17-18 months. Kids see him 2 nights a week (supervised by me). We are in the middle of a divorce and nothing is legalized/finalized ****
Okay, I just really need to talk about this. Monday night was the night AH sees the kids. Older dd had a ball game so I told him I would pick him up and take him to the game for his "time" with the kids. I said that I would not take him if he wasn't sober. He agreed. So, I went to pick him up and it was taking him a while to get out the door. I ran in to hurry him up and there was a large water bottle sitting on the counter. I smelled it and i was alcohol. I didn't say a word I just dumped it out and said "let's go". (stupid I know).
So we get to the game, I drop DD off and go to park, by this time I have realized that AH is not sober. I tell him that I am going to drop him back off at home, since he did not keep his end of the agreement. He started protesting, telling me to take him back to the game. I kept my cool b/c the 2younger kids were in the car and somply said, You had your chance already.
As we drive on his behavior starts escalating, he starts pounding his fist on the dash board, yelling crumpling things up. Every time I would stop at a stop sign he would try and take the keys out of the ignition and I would have to hold on to them to keep them in. At one point he grabbed my arms tight and then the back of my neck. My finger got cut from the key fob breaking. Meantime, I am trying to stay as calm as I can for the kids and they are crying.
While we are still in the car he tries to open the door and get out (the car was still in motion). He started threatening suiside if I didn't take him back to the game. The last thing he did was told me to pull over and that he would walk home. I though well it has to be better than just jumping out going 40. When I pulled over he once again made a attempt for the keys.
I finally got him home and out of the car. I parked in the middle of the street in front of his house......not in his drive way, that way he had more motivation to get out (neighbors watching and all).
And the scary thing he said to me in the car infront of his house was, When I made a comment about my finger bleeding (it is a small cut on the pinky)
...He said, "you cut yourself".....I replied then how come you have blood on your hand?
Once he was out I called a friend crying and went over to her place. I called the police and pressed charges. She took care of the kids for me so I could go down to the police station to fill out the paperwork.
I am in the middle of getting an emergency order of protection. The police picked him up that night and again he was threatening suiside. So they had to take him to the hospital over night for an eval. I guess he released from the hospital and the police arrested him today.
Everything feels really crazy and scary right now. I keep questioning whether or not I should have pressed charges. I know it sounds crazy.....I mean his actions warrented it right....I am not blowing things out of proportion am I? I know this is wrong. It is so over whelming with getting the Order of protection and the DV investigator and CPS checking me out to make sure the kids are safe.
I need some encouragement please
***Quick back story AH and I have been seperated for 17-18 months. Kids see him 2 nights a week (supervised by me). We are in the middle of a divorce and nothing is legalized/finalized ****
Okay, I just really need to talk about this. Monday night was the night AH sees the kids. Older dd had a ball game so I told him I would pick him up and take him to the game for his "time" with the kids. I said that I would not take him if he wasn't sober. He agreed. So, I went to pick him up and it was taking him a while to get out the door. I ran in to hurry him up and there was a large water bottle sitting on the counter. I smelled it and i was alcohol. I didn't say a word I just dumped it out and said "let's go". (stupid I know).
So we get to the game, I drop DD off and go to park, by this time I have realized that AH is not sober. I tell him that I am going to drop him back off at home, since he did not keep his end of the agreement. He started protesting, telling me to take him back to the game. I kept my cool b/c the 2younger kids were in the car and somply said, You had your chance already.
As we drive on his behavior starts escalating, he starts pounding his fist on the dash board, yelling crumpling things up. Every time I would stop at a stop sign he would try and take the keys out of the ignition and I would have to hold on to them to keep them in. At one point he grabbed my arms tight and then the back of my neck. My finger got cut from the key fob breaking. Meantime, I am trying to stay as calm as I can for the kids and they are crying.
While we are still in the car he tries to open the door and get out (the car was still in motion). He started threatening suiside if I didn't take him back to the game. The last thing he did was told me to pull over and that he would walk home. I though well it has to be better than just jumping out going 40. When I pulled over he once again made a attempt for the keys.
I finally got him home and out of the car. I parked in the middle of the street in front of his house......not in his drive way, that way he had more motivation to get out (neighbors watching and all).
And the scary thing he said to me in the car infront of his house was, When I made a comment about my finger bleeding (it is a small cut on the pinky)
...He said, "you cut yourself".....I replied then how come you have blood on your hand?
Once he was out I called a friend crying and went over to her place. I called the police and pressed charges. She took care of the kids for me so I could go down to the police station to fill out the paperwork.
I am in the middle of getting an emergency order of protection. The police picked him up that night and again he was threatening suiside. So they had to take him to the hospital over night for an eval. I guess he released from the hospital and the police arrested him today.
Everything feels really crazy and scary right now. I keep questioning whether or not I should have pressed charges. I know it sounds crazy.....I mean his actions warrented it right....I am not blowing things out of proportion am I? I know this is wrong. It is so over whelming with getting the Order of protection and the DV investigator and CPS checking me out to make sure the kids are safe.
I need some encouragement please
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
He was drunk, threatening, abusive, scaring you and the SMALL CHILDREN, physically grabbing you and you think YOU overreacted!!!!
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
I think you have done the right thing and taken the right step to protect yourself, those poor kids, and to put an end to this situation!
peace and good luck--
b
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
I think you have done the right thing and taken the right step to protect yourself, those poor kids, and to put an end to this situation!
peace and good luck--
b
I'm growing
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
It is crazy! WHy do I feel this way. Like I could have prevented it some how? The advocate told me that they have free counceling for DV, I need to check into it.
and you are right B. I need to put an end to this situation.
and you are right B. I need to put an end to this situation.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Originally Posted by Daisy30 
As we drive on his behavior starts escalating, he starts pounding his fist on the dash board, yelling crumpling things up. Every time I would stop at a stop sign he would try and take the keys out of the ignition and I would have to hold on to them to keep them in. At one point he grabbed my arms tight and then the back of my neck. My finger got cut from the key fob breaking. Meantime, I am trying to stay as calm as I can for the kids and they are crying.
His unacceptable behavior has escalated. He is out of control.
You are a good mom. You did the right thing to take care of yourself and your children. I am glad you are following through with the DV counseling.
(((Daisy)))
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Daisy - You abslutely did the right thing. What he did is against the law and that is why he got arrested. It's that simple. You definitely should take advantage of the counseling. I have been through a similar situation and the counseling helped SOOO much. Please call them.
((((HUGS)))))
((((HUGS)))))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Accept the heartfelt replies to your post here, where all commend your actions. These were not just "right", what you did was essential. His actions were not only abusive and dangerous towards you, but had you lost control of the car due to his drunken stupidity, those small children may have been injured or killed.
AND WHY? Because dumbo daddy can't keep his hands off a drink long enough to spend a short time with his son. Having lost it all because of HIS drinking behavior, he still does not understand what you mean by sober , and why you insist he be sober when he has visitation.
Where he mine, I would let him know in no uncertain terms that, until he gets what it means to be sober, he goes nowhere with the children, as he is a danger to them.
I hope you have got over the shock of what must have been a terror filled experience for you, and that your little ones have recovered also.
God bless
AND WHY? Because dumbo daddy can't keep his hands off a drink long enough to spend a short time with his son. Having lost it all because of HIS drinking behavior, he still does not understand what you mean by sober , and why you insist he be sober when he has visitation.
Where he mine, I would let him know in no uncertain terms that, until he gets what it means to be sober, he goes nowhere with the children, as he is a danger to them.
I hope you have got over the shock of what must have been a terror filled experience for you, and that your little ones have recovered also.
God bless
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Holy crap...I would have been petrified in your shoes. As a mother of a young child, I completely understand the feelings your X's actions must have ellicited. Good for you for pressing charges! I'm SOOOOO proud of you!!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
You are a strong woman! You absolutely did the right thing: your experience sounds so terrifying.
I will echo what the others have said: the police considered his behavior a crime. He was arrested. They didn't ask you if you were doing the right thing: they knew you were doing the right thing.
Speaking as a recovering alcoholic, I would have defined that episode as clearly hitting bottom. But, sadly, many will hit bottom and then have to sink even lower and hit an even lower bottom...until they are dead or have lost everything.
You have done all the right things, and it is good to know the police are going to keep an eye on you and your children.
I will echo what the others have said: the police considered his behavior a crime. He was arrested. They didn't ask you if you were doing the right thing: they knew you were doing the right thing.
Speaking as a recovering alcoholic, I would have defined that episode as clearly hitting bottom. But, sadly, many will hit bottom and then have to sink even lower and hit an even lower bottom...until they are dead or have lost everything.
You have done all the right things, and it is good to know the police are going to keep an eye on you and your children.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
I parked in the middle of the street in front of his house......not in his drive way, that way he had more motivation to get out (neighbors watching and all).
I am stunned that you had the wherewithall to think of this in the middle of all this drama and chaos...
It's hard telling what would have happened had you pulled onto his property... it may have gotten much worse.... his property... out of sight...
Take care of you and the kiddo's.
Sorry to hear that you and your children actually had to endure the crap.
I'm growing
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Right where I need to be
Posts: 601
Your encouragement and support means the WORLD to me!! It just feels good to see your posts. Many of you have encouraged me through so many situations!!! Thank you!
I would have never dreamed I would be in this place a few years ago when I joined these forums. If anyone is new ....this TRUELY is a progressive disease and my experiences are living proof!
Thanks, the Kids seem to be doing okay. They really haven't talked about it since that night. But even then hearing my little boy say to me "Why was daddy throwing things and grabbing your neck?" spoke VOLUMES to me. I really tried to reitterate to them that what he did was NOT ok and that is why mommy called the police.
I would have never dreamed I would be in this place a few years ago when I joined these forums. If anyone is new ....this TRUELY is a progressive disease and my experiences are living proof!
Originally Posted by theuncertainty
Hugs, Daisy. I just want to 'second' all the thoughts here: You are amazingly strong and of course you did the right thing!
How are you and your kids doing today?
How are you and your kids doing today?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Thanks, the Kids seem to be doing okay. They really haven't talked about it since that night. But even then hearing my little boy say to me "Why was daddy throwing things and grabbing your neck?" spoke VOLUMES to me. I really tried to reitterate to them that what he did was NOT ok and that is why mommy called the police.
Fantastic Daisy!
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