Standing by watching the losses add up.
 

Found out last week that husband is being demoted for the second time at our place of work. I wanted to call him to see how he was feeling about it but decided against it - thought he might turn it into another reason to blame me for his life.

So, today I had to talk to him about a work issue and he started to tell me about it himself. Then he tells me more - that he will be expected to be on call nights and weekends and work out of several other offices. I just listened and agreed that it was a lot to ask of him. At 60 yrs old he will be doing the job of someone just starting out.

Walking away I realized two things: the first is that I won't have to see him everyday anymore which has been very difficult for me, the second is wondering how this will affect his drinking or how his drinking may interfere further with his job. He will either have to be sober or risk losing his job or worse - harming someone else.

I know my focus is supposed to be on me. I am grateful to know that a way has been worked out so that I can go to work everyday and not be reminded as much of what is lost here. I do worry about his welfare still. I was with him when he was demoted the first time and remember how it felt. It was hard to see everything he worked hard for take a turn for the worse and to watch it continue to go downhill. At least he still has a job but it is sad that he has let go of so much - his family, a loving partner, a secure future, fun, friends and possibly his independence.

Kassie,
Keep the faith. everything is happening for a reason. I know its hard to witness but things will work out for the better...

Sending you good vibes...

Hugs, Lulu

Kassie:
It is a hard thing to witness...all the losses. To a healthy person, these would be "red flags" but for those sick with the addiction, it doesn't seem to sink in. They continue to put blame on others around them, their employer, the authorities, and so on.

Hard to witness too when the losses effect you, as they are your losses as well! For those of us who continue to stand by, well, it's the price we pay. Some of us stay until the ship is going down, and only then save ourselves. (I can say that for myself!).

Here's hoping that your A gets it pretty soon before that happens. If not, I hope you can make it safely to shore.

In my thoughts and prayers, as usual. Dear Lord...just when you think it can't get any worse.....whoopydo, and it does.

God bless

Well, today I realized that our conversation about the changes in his position the other day was the first time in 6 months that we could talk without arguing. It was a fairly easy conversation like we used to have only we haven't been talking in 6 months.

Well it is more like the only talking he has wanted to do is to work on a divorce complaining that we can't talk anymore. What part of "taking a real break to sort things out" did he miss? Oh yeah, the part where I am supposed to be chasing him down or jumping when he called and then apologizing for whatever it is that he thought I said. What part of I don't want contact because you don't know how to treat me or talk to me did he miss?

He is angry with me and the whole world. Me, I am just frustrated and hurt with him and this illness.

We have been going through many changes at work as a whole. The stress level for everyone has been high. At our staff meeting, people complained and our Director commented that she didn't want anyone to quit over any of it and promised to make things easier for us. That was nice except it reminded me that while everyone else in the room had the luxury of quitting I did not. Then today when I met several frustrations, my Director took pity on me and made the suggestion that we should go out and have a drink to calm down and forget about work for awhile. Well, she doesn't know what I am dealing with personally but I walked away feeling so lonely. I know I am jumping all over the place this week with the stress because I don't have anyone to come home to or to call and vent. So sorry for those who may stop and read this but here I am VENTING!

Kassie, keep posting and venting. That's kind of what SR is for, isn't it - as well as getting the support you need? I'm sorry about everything going on. I can completely relate on the job front; our company just recently went through a major round of lay-offs, so those of us who were lucky to be left with a position are now doing our 'old' jobs + added responsibility of filling in for those who were let go... Hang in there.