I have officially become...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Summerpeach,
I have been reading up a lot on socio/psychopaths.. and he fits the description to a T. I just don't want to admit to myself, that I fell in love with someone incapable of loving me. He pretends to show remorse, but.. I can just tell it isn't heartfelt. Something.. isn't right in there. I only know textbook definitions of a sociopath, so I'm sure there are more elements. What I don't understand - if he's so careless, not empathetic, and lack of a heart/conscience ---- why does he ALWAYS come crying back? He always professes his undying love? It seems genuine and sincere. I've seen this guy cry, and cry, and cry over me...
I know many of you think I don't need to know these answers.. it's kind of a curiosity issue.. and it's a way to stop beating myself up at the same time.
I'd rather be angry than sad.. and I'm glad I discovered this too.
When I call myself these names.. I realize I'm doing it.. I am projecting... I say these things, to save my pain, for when one of you, tell me how stupid I am. (irrational, but there nonetheless thinking on my part). It's my protection barrier. If I tell myself I'm stupid.. then I know I am.. and it can't hurt when someone else tells me. These are contradicting thoughts. I think I'm stupid.. but I know I'm not.. ya know?
I have been reading up a lot on socio/psychopaths.. and he fits the description to a T. I just don't want to admit to myself, that I fell in love with someone incapable of loving me. He pretends to show remorse, but.. I can just tell it isn't heartfelt. Something.. isn't right in there. I only know textbook definitions of a sociopath, so I'm sure there are more elements. What I don't understand - if he's so careless, not empathetic, and lack of a heart/conscience ---- why does he ALWAYS come crying back? He always professes his undying love? It seems genuine and sincere. I've seen this guy cry, and cry, and cry over me...
I know many of you think I don't need to know these answers.. it's kind of a curiosity issue.. and it's a way to stop beating myself up at the same time.
I'd rather be angry than sad.. and I'm glad I discovered this too.
When I call myself these names.. I realize I'm doing it.. I am projecting... I say these things, to save my pain, for when one of you, tell me how stupid I am. (irrational, but there nonetheless thinking on my part). It's my protection barrier. If I tell myself I'm stupid.. then I know I am.. and it can't hurt when someone else tells me. These are contradicting thoughts. I think I'm stupid.. but I know I'm not.. ya know?
A Pirate looks at 40
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southeast of Disorder (FL)
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by Jenny1232 
Summerpeach,
I have been reading up a lot on socio/psychopaths.. and he fits the description to a T. I just don't want to admit to myself, that I fell in love with someone incapable of loving me. He pretends to show remorse, but.. I can just tell it isn't heartfelt. Something.. isn't right in there. I only know textbook definitions of a sociopath, so I'm sure there are more elements. What I don't understand - if he's so careless, not empathetic, and lack of a heart/conscience ---- why does he ALWAYS come crying back? He always professes his undying love? It seems genuine and sincere. I've seen this guy cry, and cry, and cry over me...
I know many of you think I don't need to know these answers.. it's kind of a curiosity issue.. and it's a way to stop beating myself up at the same time.
I'd rather be angry than sad.. and I'm glad I discovered this too.
When I call myself these names.. I realize I'm doing it.. I am projecting... I say these things, to save my pain, for when one of you, tell me how stupid I am. (irrational, but there nonetheless thinking on my part). It's my protection barrier. If I tell myself I'm stupid.. then I know I am.. and it can't hurt when someone else tells me. These are contradicting thoughts. I think I'm stupid.. but I know I'm not.. ya know?
I have been reading up a lot on socio/psychopaths.. and he fits the description to a T. I just don't want to admit to myself, that I fell in love with someone incapable of loving me. He pretends to show remorse, but.. I can just tell it isn't heartfelt. Something.. isn't right in there. I only know textbook definitions of a sociopath, so I'm sure there are more elements. What I don't understand - if he's so careless, not empathetic, and lack of a heart/conscience ---- why does he ALWAYS come crying back? He always professes his undying love? It seems genuine and sincere. I've seen this guy cry, and cry, and cry over me...
I know many of you think I don't need to know these answers.. it's kind of a curiosity issue.. and it's a way to stop beating myself up at the same time.
I'd rather be angry than sad.. and I'm glad I discovered this too.
When I call myself these names.. I realize I'm doing it.. I am projecting... I say these things, to save my pain, for when one of you, tell me how stupid I am. (irrational, but there nonetheless thinking on my part). It's my protection barrier. If I tell myself I'm stupid.. then I know I am.. and it can't hurt when someone else tells me. These are contradicting thoughts. I think I'm stupid.. but I know I'm not.. ya know?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas
Posts: 161
Originally Posted by Jenny1232
Summerpeach,
I have been reading up a lot on socio/psychopaths.. and he fits the description to a T. I just don't want to admit to myself, that I fell in love with someone incapable of loving me. He pretends to show remorse, but.. I can just tell it isn't heartfelt. Something.. isn't right in there. I only know textbook definitions of a sociopath, so I'm sure there are more elements. What I don't understand - if he's so careless, not empathetic, and lack of a heart/conscience ---- why does he ALWAYS come crying back? He always professes his undying love? It seems genuine and sincere. I've seen this guy cry, and cry, and cry over me...
I know many of you think I don't need to know these answers.. it's kind of a curiosity issue.. and it's a way to stop beating myself up at the same time.
I'd rather be angry than sad.. and I'm glad I discovered this too.
When I call myself these names.. I realize I'm doing it.. I am projecting... I say these things, to save my pain, for when one of you, tell me how stupid I am. (irrational, but there nonetheless thinking on my part). It's my protection barrier. If I tell myself I'm stupid.. then I know I am.. and it can't hurt when someone else tells me. These are contradicting thoughts. I think I'm stupid.. but I know I'm not.. ya know?
I have been reading up a lot on socio/psychopaths.. and he fits the description to a T. I just don't want to admit to myself, that I fell in love with someone incapable of loving me. He pretends to show remorse, but.. I can just tell it isn't heartfelt. Something.. isn't right in there. I only know textbook definitions of a sociopath, so I'm sure there are more elements. What I don't understand - if he's so careless, not empathetic, and lack of a heart/conscience ---- why does he ALWAYS come crying back? He always professes his undying love? It seems genuine and sincere. I've seen this guy cry, and cry, and cry over me...
I know many of you think I don't need to know these answers.. it's kind of a curiosity issue.. and it's a way to stop beating myself up at the same time.
I'd rather be angry than sad.. and I'm glad I discovered this too.
When I call myself these names.. I realize I'm doing it.. I am projecting... I say these things, to save my pain, for when one of you, tell me how stupid I am. (irrational, but there nonetheless thinking on my part). It's my protection barrier. If I tell myself I'm stupid.. then I know I am.. and it can't hurt when someone else tells me. These are contradicting thoughts. I think I'm stupid.. but I know I'm not.. ya know?
My XAGF swore up and down that her ex was, is a sociopath. I did all kinds of research on it and maybe he is or maybe he isn't. Being the fixer I am (soon to be not, hopefully) I wrote an at length paper of all the instances she told me about and gave them to her lawyer. Guess what happened? Nothing. It was not up to me to write that, it was up to her to get her ownself right. I realize that now. The more I have read on these forums and the more books I read since our departure, there is nothing, nothing, nothing that I could have done, it was all her the whole time. She lost her kids in court that day, went on supervised visitation and still is, and guess who she blames, everyone!
Your "A" may be a sociopath, but it doesn't matter, because he has made his own choices in his life, and he will have to deal with them. You don't have to label him, just take it for what it is, and thank your HP everyday for that knowledge.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
You've gotten two great pieces of advice here:
1) Accept that he is who he is, internet-troller of sleazy relationships and all.
2) Move on (PieRat, I love that song. I'm not a country music fan, but I just might have to get to iTunes and get that one!)
Anything else you do, like check up on him, get upset, expect different behavior, think he should treat you with respect, feel the incredible injustice of it all is just futile and waste of energy.
1) Accept that he is who he is, internet-troller of sleazy relationships and all.
2) Move on (PieRat, I love that song. I'm not a country music fan, but I just might have to get to iTunes and get that one!)
Anything else you do, like check up on him, get upset, expect different behavior, think he should treat you with respect, feel the incredible injustice of it all is just futile and waste of energy.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Jenny,
He is not doing anything that any middle of the road "A" wouldn't do. They all keep coming back and they play all their options. They are cunning, you are trying to fantasize that the reason he is coming back to you is because he just cannot live without you. This is bull duckie, he comes back because if one avenue does not work out, he has a fall back position. The crock tears are part of the game, he is not special, they all do it, and the tears mean nothing.
Now, stop the madness, you are being played, and sucked in due to your own insecurities.
Listen to the others, they are giving you good advice.
He is not doing anything that any middle of the road "A" wouldn't do. They all keep coming back and they play all their options. They are cunning, you are trying to fantasize that the reason he is coming back to you is because he just cannot live without you. This is bull duckie, he comes back because if one avenue does not work out, he has a fall back position. The crock tears are part of the game, he is not special, they all do it, and the tears mean nothing.
Now, stop the madness, you are being played, and sucked in due to your own insecurities.
Listen to the others, they are giving you good advice.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Update:
My tarot card reading, went freakily well. I stayed for three hours, talking to this woman. She summed up my entire life.. without me even saying much. It was scary. She mentioned to be careful, to not go places alone.. which really scared me. She mentioned my fear of abandonment. She mentioned he's going to keep contacting me, telling me lies, and NOT to believe him. From the cards, she sensed he was a self-delusional man, who really believed his lies. It was insane...
---------
I found out more information today, and I'm sickened. I had emailed his most recent ex when I found those sites, (he joined one while they were together), and she was very sweet. She said she'd talk to me. It was unbelievable what she told me.
She said, "Three weeks ago, I got a call at 2am from him." The voicemail said, "I'm outside your house. I'm looking for a "late night" get together, if youre interested".
She told me when she saw my message, she showed her friend, and they both wanted to contact me, to STAY away. She told me that he'd been begging for her back... while we were dating. She told me all about his brain aneurysm... HE told me, he hadn't talked to her since we've even been together.
I'm disgusted that he was begging for her back, throughout our entire relationship. This is the woman, who he told me he never even liked. He didn't understand why they stayed together so long.
She told me about the time he flipped her coffee table, threw candles, and smashed things around her house. She told me about how he was out til 4am getting wasted.. How everynight, he'd polish a bottle of wine, some beer, and half a bottle of liquor and not coming home most nights. She told me how he snooped through her phone. She then, and I quote said, "BUT GOD FORBID I EVER QUESTION HIS WHEREABOUTS" She told me, this is why she broke up with him. She said the day she kicked him out, she changed the locks and made her brother come over.
He told me - She cheated on him and he broke up with her.
Funny how things work. I really did need to hear this.. I truly, honestly did. I was living on fantasy island with this guy.. and now, I see the lies. He doesn't have a heart. I am absolutely convinced, he's a psychopath.
She also told me.. his deep dark secret. The one he cried to me, and told me he'd never told anyone.. How he was the one who caused the car accident with the other ex, by pulling the emergency break (I should have left then, as she should of). I was blown away.. when she told me she knew the reason why. She said, he had said he'd been with 150 women, in more or less words. I'm now convinced, he's a sex addict to boot.
She told me how he said the same things - he wanted to marry her. She was his whole life. They would make beautiful babies.
---
This man TERRIFIES me. I feel like the biggest fool. He had me convinced, he really did. He sweet talked his way in.. like he did with everyone else. I'm absolutely PETRIFIED.. for the girl who will take my place.. Only to also be thrown down stairs, pinned against the bed, grabbed by the wrist or shoved across the room.
As much as I hate to say it, I hope this aneurysm kills him. This world, would be better off without him. I laid in bed with him at the hospital, we cried -- and he called her. He went to HER house.
How, oh how, was I so foolish? He completely played for me. He lied, lied, lied.. and I fell for it everytime.
This is what I needed, to finally say goodbye. I will NEVER go back there, and I am absolutely certain. I feel anger. I'm not even that upset. He.. he is not a real person to me anymore. He is incapable of feeling any human emotion. He. Is. Not. Real.
He has died to me. He was never really there. I'm disgusted with myself...
---------
I found out more information today, and I'm sickened. I had emailed his most recent ex when I found those sites, (he joined one while they were together), and she was very sweet. She said she'd talk to me. It was unbelievable what she told me.
She said, "Three weeks ago, I got a call at 2am from him." The voicemail said, "I'm outside your house. I'm looking for a "late night" get together, if youre interested".
She told me when she saw my message, she showed her friend, and they both wanted to contact me, to STAY away. She told me that he'd been begging for her back... while we were dating. She told me all about his brain aneurysm... HE told me, he hadn't talked to her since we've even been together.
I'm disgusted that he was begging for her back, throughout our entire relationship. This is the woman, who he told me he never even liked. He didn't understand why they stayed together so long.
She told me about the time he flipped her coffee table, threw candles, and smashed things around her house. She told me about how he was out til 4am getting wasted.. How everynight, he'd polish a bottle of wine, some beer, and half a bottle of liquor and not coming home most nights. She told me how he snooped through her phone. She then, and I quote said, "BUT GOD FORBID I EVER QUESTION HIS WHEREABOUTS" She told me, this is why she broke up with him. She said the day she kicked him out, she changed the locks and made her brother come over.
He told me - She cheated on him and he broke up with her.
Funny how things work. I really did need to hear this.. I truly, honestly did. I was living on fantasy island with this guy.. and now, I see the lies. He doesn't have a heart. I am absolutely convinced, he's a psychopath.
She also told me.. his deep dark secret. The one he cried to me, and told me he'd never told anyone.. How he was the one who caused the car accident with the other ex, by pulling the emergency break (I should have left then, as she should of). I was blown away.. when she told me she knew the reason why. She said, he had said he'd been with 150 women, in more or less words. I'm now convinced, he's a sex addict to boot.
She told me how he said the same things - he wanted to marry her. She was his whole life. They would make beautiful babies.
She also told me.. how when they broke up.. he sent her pictures of guns and bullets saying, "this is what I sleep next to everynight".
---
This man TERRIFIES me. I feel like the biggest fool. He had me convinced, he really did. He sweet talked his way in.. like he did with everyone else. I'm absolutely PETRIFIED.. for the girl who will take my place.. Only to also be thrown down stairs, pinned against the bed, grabbed by the wrist or shoved across the room.
As much as I hate to say it, I hope this aneurysm kills him. This world, would be better off without him. I laid in bed with him at the hospital, we cried -- and he called her. He went to HER house.
How, oh how, was I so foolish? He completely played for me. He lied, lied, lied.. and I fell for it everytime.
This is what I needed, to finally say goodbye. I will NEVER go back there, and I am absolutely certain. I feel anger. I'm not even that upset. He.. he is not a real person to me anymore. He is incapable of feeling any human emotion. He. Is. Not. Real.
He has died to me. He was never really there. I'm disgusted with myself...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
Jenny, I am so sorry this happened. You seem like a great person and you didnt deserve this. I hope you are proud of yourself. Now you know. Pick up the pieces, grieve ..DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO to get yourself better and stay away from poison. I am here if you need to talk. Always. I have been there too as you know. I promise it does get better. Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Think of this Jenny, Manson, Hilter and many other psychopaths/sociopaths had many followers who they all had convinced.
You're no fool, some of these sick people can be truly convincing.
Jennie, he's not your run-of-the-mill addict, he's a sociopath. Please stay away from him.
And keep posting, keep talking about it and keep expressing yourself.
It's ok to be angry, hurt and to want him dead. I agree, the earth would be a much finer place without crazy people.
It took me a good 2 months to absorb what my ex did and who he was. And my friends and family let me talk about it over and over and over.
This is the ONLY way to get it out.
You're no fool, some of these sick people can be truly convincing.
Jennie, he's not your run-of-the-mill addict, he's a sociopath. Please stay away from him.
And keep posting, keep talking about it and keep expressing yourself.
It's ok to be angry, hurt and to want him dead. I agree, the earth would be a much finer place without crazy people.
It took me a good 2 months to absorb what my ex did and who he was. And my friends and family let me talk about it over and over and over.
This is the ONLY way to get it out.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
Jenny I think you have all the information you need to know about him now. You're thoughts, your concerns, your suspicions, your gut feelings about him are proving correct. He is a psychopath, sociopath and every other kind of 'path'.
Please move on. The longer you stay engaged, even in you're head you recreate the pathology. You know better now. Keep walking and don't look back. Kudos to you.
Please move on. The longer you stay engaged, even in you're head you recreate the pathology. You know better now. Keep walking and don't look back. Kudos to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Thank you...
So, it doesn't seem like I am over exaggerating. He seems like a true sociopath to you?
It really doesn't matter - and I am aware of that. I just think.. fully acknowledging that he most likely is... will make it all the more easier to cut him from my heart and mind.
I don't feel pain, emptiness, or sadness any more. I feel completely repulsed with myself. I fell in love with someone.. who wasn't at all what he pretended to be. A lack of drinking.. wouldn't have changed a thing. This.. is who he is. Truly, mentally insane.
This really makes it so much easier. I am so happy to be free of him - I'm just so damn angry at the lies.. and myself for believing him.
So, it doesn't seem like I am over exaggerating. He seems like a true sociopath to you?
It really doesn't matter - and I am aware of that. I just think.. fully acknowledging that he most likely is... will make it all the more easier to cut him from my heart and mind.
I don't feel pain, emptiness, or sadness any more. I feel completely repulsed with myself. I fell in love with someone.. who wasn't at all what he pretended to be. A lack of drinking.. wouldn't have changed a thing. This.. is who he is. Truly, mentally insane.
This really makes it so much easier. I am so happy to be free of him - I'm just so damn angry at the lies.. and myself for believing him.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
Jenny,
Your most recent thread is about this guy threatening you and your family, having you terrified as it would anyone and you are now posting ..." I am just so angry at the lies and myself for believing him." WTH??!!
get over the feelings of betrayal and lets get serious....He is certifiable and potentially very dangerous. Have you notified the Police yet?
Your most recent thread is about this guy threatening you and your family, having you terrified as it would anyone and you are now posting ..." I am just so angry at the lies and myself for believing him." WTH??!!
get over the feelings of betrayal and lets get serious....He is certifiable and potentially very dangerous. Have you notified the Police yet?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Now.. I'm scared to make any moves really. Part of me thinks I may be over reacting.. He didn't threaten my family.
A year and half ago, he threatend HIS family.
I'm just kind of scared, really. I don't want to see silly for filing against him.. and I don't want to **** this man off.. So.. I'm just.. stuck.
I'm at work, so it's kind of hard to do it right now. I'm going to ponder it for the day, and most likely do it tonight. If anything happens.. at least I have reported him being dangerous to me...
A year and half ago, he threatend HIS family.
I'm just kind of scared, really. I don't want to see silly for filing against him.. and I don't want to **** this man off.. So.. I'm just.. stuck.
I'm at work, so it's kind of hard to do it right now. I'm going to ponder it for the day, and most likely do it tonight. If anything happens.. at least I have reported him being dangerous to me...
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
As you posted above;
"Part of me thinks I may be over reacting"
You previously posted
"If one day...I stop coming here, he's killed me."
Also you posted ;
Just last winter, after his ex broke up with him he threatened to kill his family, then self and ended up in the mental ward."
Jenny, maybe it's just me...buy I think you are UNDER REACTING.
(sorry, I misunderstood whose family he threatened to kill)
"Part of me thinks I may be over reacting"
You previously posted
"If one day...I stop coming here, he's killed me."
Also you posted ;
Just last winter, after his ex broke up with him he threatened to kill his family, then self and ended up in the mental ward."
Jenny, maybe it's just me...buy I think you are UNDER REACTING.
(sorry, I misunderstood whose family he threatened to kill)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Jenny, maybe it's just me...buy I think you are UNDER REACTING
and i do understand how a person can slowly get used to this behavior.
but, he needs a clear message, if you cant do it, from someone with the authority to lock him up.
he obviously doesnt believe what he is doing to you is wrong.
you are having a hard time believing it is wrong.
but, everyone else reading here can clearly see he is out of control.
maybe you ought to go with the group here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
You are right. You are right. You are right.
While.. I still feel like I'm blowing things up... This man IS capable of anything.. and it reminds me of the episode on Oprah, with the guy talking about the "gift of fear".
I'm sure that many women who have been mudered, or nearly killed my their husband/boyfriend... never really THOUGHT they'd actually do it.
And.. so I've heard - they're most dangerous once you've broken up with them. Even if he hates me right now.. it's all the more reason to go psycho on me...
I truly don't believe he would hurt me, I really don't. BUT... I also don't believe it's something he'd NEVER do... I'm contradicting myself here... I just feel stuck on the 'good guy, with the good heart' version of him.
While.. I still feel like I'm blowing things up... This man IS capable of anything.. and it reminds me of the episode on Oprah, with the guy talking about the "gift of fear".
I'm sure that many women who have been mudered, or nearly killed my their husband/boyfriend... never really THOUGHT they'd actually do it.
And.. so I've heard - they're most dangerous once you've broken up with them. Even if he hates me right now.. it's all the more reason to go psycho on me...
I truly don't believe he would hurt me, I really don't. BUT... I also don't believe it's something he'd NEVER do... I'm contradicting myself here... I just feel stuck on the 'good guy, with the good heart' version of him.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anywhere but here...
Posts: 227
Jenny,
Please.... PLEASE call the police, and get a restraining order against this man.
The fact that you posted, If I stop coming here, he probably killed me, should be a HUGE INDICATOR that this man is not good, kind or good hearted. He is DANGEROUS. He has been getting away with this for far too long.
The fear is what is holding you back. But trust me, hiding in a corner, closing your eyes, and pretending if you can't see the monsters, they can't see you, is a potentially dangerous situation.
Reach out to a women's shelter, domestic abuse hotline, the police and get the word out that this man CANNOT continue his reign of fear over you. Knowledge is power, and fear of the unknown is no reason to continue to put yourself in dangers' path.
If you are WRONG about him, you over reacted. BUT if you are right..................
I am praying for guidance and wisdom for you. Get help..NOW
Please.... PLEASE call the police, and get a restraining order against this man.
The fact that you posted, If I stop coming here, he probably killed me, should be a HUGE INDICATOR that this man is not good, kind or good hearted. He is DANGEROUS. He has been getting away with this for far too long.
The fear is what is holding you back. But trust me, hiding in a corner, closing your eyes, and pretending if you can't see the monsters, they can't see you, is a potentially dangerous situation.
Reach out to a women's shelter, domestic abuse hotline, the police and get the word out that this man CANNOT continue his reign of fear over you. Knowledge is power, and fear of the unknown is no reason to continue to put yourself in dangers' path.
If you are WRONG about him, you over reacted. BUT if you are right..................
I am praying for guidance and wisdom for you. Get help..NOW
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ohio
Posts: 132
Dont let this putz create a world of fear for you. You dont want to live a life of constantly looking over your shoulder, wondering if he is at your window. Its one thing to have "no contact", like no calls, texts, and so on. But when threats of harm come into play, thats different. You need to take action and let this man know you will not live in fear. He is controlling your life all over again and will continue to until stopped. Please take care of youself and be careful. You dont know what he is capable of. People snap everyday.
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