Multiple personalities
 

Hi guy's I'm confused and upset this morning, My A has stopped his binge.......4th day. And he's the meanist s.o.b. you'd ever want to meet. He's very verbaly abusive, every threat he can possibly think of he threatens me with. I know all the rules about not letting him push my buttons....But I have to say it still scares the hell out of me. To have someone so close to me Turn on me.
I guess the only thing surprising is that I'm surprised still. I have endured such hell from this man. And I struggle to keep my head above water.
The reason I wrote multiple personalities for my title is, He switches from being so loving, my friend, To my worst nightmare.
We know that when he stops drinking he goes through a cycle he's down for a couple of days He lay's in bed in our wreckroom.....the family room and just lay's there for day's in a state of remorse depression,we all know his next step, he'll ether go get some more booze or He'll go into An incredible rage wammo everyone in is sight is a target.
When he's like this I pull away from him completely, I avoid him in our home, he stay's downstairs, I stay up. And go about my bussiness.
My stomach is in knots, I feel sick, confused, angry, and plane tired of this crap.
His mental condition scares me, I sometimes feel panicked...so panicked I just want to grab my stuff and flee...
This is my Thanks Giving Weekend......spent with a raging maniac.
He 'll stomp around spitting nails, insults,.
I try my best to block him out....and I can't say I'm not releaved when I see him pick up a bottle again.
It's hell, I wish he'd go somewhere for treatment.or help and get out of our faces.
:argue:
regards Sally

Sally...

With all the love in my heart.... if someone threatens you, the safest thing to do is to act as if they were completely serious. They may be. It doesn't matter what brings on the violent behavior. Please call a spouse abuse professional right away and get advice. What you have described is far worse that the normal irritations we suffer from being around a stinky, cranky drunk.

I'm so sorry he's ruining your holiday. Please don't let him ruin more than that. Be safe first.

Hugs,
Smoke

I have to agree...the behavior you descibe is not on my radar as acceptable. After living one way for many years the lines can become blurred.

I have my glasses on and it is crystal clear to me.

Hugs,
JT

thanks guys
 

I feel I should clairify, my spouse is verbaly, mentaly abusive, intimidating,. Not violent.
I know this isn't much better, and it has had a major affect on me. I feel like I've stayed in this relationship way to long. It's changed ME, I am no longer proud of who I am. I am struggling with some Stupid mistakes I've made while we were separated and I beat myself up because I don't even have the excuse to say well I am an Alcoholic.
I'am angry with myself for allowing him to distroy me, Mentaly.
I know that that is also a cycle of abuse. they keep you beat down mentaly so they can distroy you.
I just get so damed tired and confused, and scared.....because for years I hid behind him....he was my rock. Now I have to come out and fend for myself....and Iam scared....Iam trying to do the work I need to do...to get myself better.
I've lost alot of respect, family,and peers due to this stupid situation. I've jerked our children out of their home.....only to be an unstabel nut bar. I think I left because I was trying to control his behavior get him to stop drinking, make him hit his bottom. Only I wasn't really ready to let go of my home, my life. I feel into a depression, anxiety attacks......I was scared to death, exhausted......so here I am again......

GET TO AN ALANON MEETING NOW!!!!!! they will help you find your inner strength and know that you are worthy. i finally found the strength to throw my AH out and am divorcing him. you wouldn't believe how good i feel about myself and the inner peace it has brought to me with my HP's help. let go and let God handle things for awhile. He will provide you with the answers you seek. alanon will help you find your true happy self again. it's not easy, but oh is it worth it!!! hang in there. take care of yourself and your kids!!

Thank you hopenpray.......

You give me hope.... I need to get some legal information on having him removed from the house.....if anyone has any please inform me.
It's so hard to take that step.....it's just easier to avoid him, and go into denial again.
when things are o.ik again

Sally,
I am in pretty much the same situation as you. I had to file for a PPO (personal protection order) at the court house to have him removed. I don't know what the legal guidelines are in Canada, but, verbal threats in the state of Michigan are considered basis to have someone removed. My AH also threatened to kill himself twice, which meant I had to call the police, and since that was documented it helped get him out of here. I love my husband but I won't lose my kids, sanity or my home to be with someone who refuses to help themself.
My prayers go out to you. You deserve better and so do your children.
Peace,
fotogal

Thanks very much for all your help.
It still boggles my mind how someones personality can so drasticly change.
I am going to attend an alanon meeting as soon as possible. I really would like a sponser. I am going to continue working on myself.
and keep educating myself on legal issues, ext.
He has mellowed out abit....He needs to go to AA.....he hasn't dealt with any issues at all. He needs to learn to communicate, He's so angry...so stuborn.....so self righthous.....He is the superior being.
But thats all his problem right....
I am just going to take care of me....right now.....
and if he acts like that Iam not going to be around him.....if he wants to talk....then he can grow up and have a adult conversation, instead of throwing child like temper tantrums. name calling ext........rediculous...
Thanks sally

Your AH sounds a lot like mine. Mine has never sought help either and says he doesn't have a problem. Plus, his moodswings and verbal abuse are terrible. So, I gave up on "helping" him a few years ago and decided to help myself. I got to al-anon (didn't think I needed it, but boy was I wrong), got counseling, and started reading books like Co-dependent No More.

I also used to question and agonize and try to find answers to exactly why he acts the way he does, but I finally realized that understanding HIS why is not important. I made the choice to accept that that is the way he is and the why is not important. I realized that I couldn't change him, only myself. I changed, but he didn't. Now I have a sense of peace and calm that I never felt before in my whole life.

Your on the right path--taking care of yourself and your needs.