c1e0patra2010

I feel totally manipulated. Im not totally convinced that im involved with an alcoholic and almost feel im on the wrong board and maybe should post on the mental health board here. My supposed alcoholic has been in treatment for 2 months yet is still in only the first step and is going to bars to watch sporting events and has excluded me out of every part of her recovery. she says I shoud go to alanon, (yes, i would do that for me, NOT for her) and preaches program stuff to me, but my ignorant self seems to think she is just going thru the motions because her family has rescued her so this is what she has to do to get them to pay her bills. Up until she reached out to them I was supporting her, so I just wonder. I grew up in an alcoholic home, I know what its like but her telling me out of the blue that she identifies as alcoholic throws me for a loop. behaviour wise Im more an abuser as when I do go out i like to indulge whereas she bbsits a drink all night. im stupified now she is an alcoholic. I suspecet she has a mental illness and is reaching out in this way as this is the best she knows how. in the meantime it has totally messed me up. I have lived with alcoholics before and now old wounds are reopening in me. she using her supposed aa **** as excuse for poor behavioir, "go to alanon, treatment is a selfish thing, I cant be in love with you cause I dont love myself, but i dont mind you telling me you love me", blah blah blah, Im hearing this all the time, and those are timees when she has it together., other times im being hammered down for hours on end on the phone for all my faults. Ive done lots for this girl yet its often overllooked, as if she earned everything ive done and spent on her. She vents on me and proceeds to blame me for later losing her voice and such. She screams over me so i can never be heard. that is not all, conversations are always one sided, i can never speak. things have disintegrated so bad that the only time we speak is when she reaches out to me, if a few weeks go by and i try to contact her Im ignored, this is so messed up and I know it but wtf is wron with my brain and why cant I leave this sick person alone? Its making me just as freaking sick, irrationally, just totally a basket case and I feel like I could resort to abusing myself at this time because of it, im sick of being so weak of character here.

suki44883

Just as the alcoholic or addict needs to work hard to overcome their illness, so do those who are addicted to the addict. That is what it sounds like is happening with you. You are addicted to her and you are the only one who can stop that addiction. Have you considered counseling for this issue?

dollydo

Welcome, you have just joined the codie club. A club of codependent people looking for answers.

As Suki said it sounds like you are addicted to her and this is not good. She sounds a very toxic person who plays everyone to get what she wants. She has honed her skill, she is good at it.

With that said you need to search your inner self to see why you continue to do the dance with her, theraphy may be in order. And, I do know that meetings will help you.

Also, go to the library and get the book, "Cordependent No More" by Melodie Beatty, now that's some read that will really open your eyes.

Lastly you know that abusing yourself will serve no purpose, what will that change? Not a darn thing. Jump back in the drivers seat, get to those meetings, take your life back.

I am sorry you are hurt, howver, this will pass, it is not the end of the world.

Bolina

Welcome, cleo.

All of this sounds terribly exhausting. I couldn't help noticing some things in your post.

Maybe it is time for you to seek some help for yourself? She seems to be but a symptom of your problems here.

Have a read around the stickies at the top of this board and the other ones too. Lots of information out there for you.