RollerDerbyGirl

It has been over a week now. A lot has transpired. I spent a few days down south with my family, and then decided to let the XAF come down here, to spend some time together and talk while he had the time off. I couldn't stay away I guess. Anyway, we have had some really good talks, and went and met with my therapist last week also. He got to see my dad for the first time in a few years, so that was nice. My dad offered to put his two cents in and I was interested to hear his opinion on how we should proceed. He said that we have not lived under the same roof for years and always see each other under vacation-like circumstances. He said this can really distort things since it's not living real day-to-day life together. He said that we've put a lot into this relationship, really seem to love each other, so why not try it out in Kansas until the A is out of the army next April. He also said mentioned to me and the A that he really has to want sobriety for himself, and not just to keep me in his life.

My A is trying to be really honest with himself and me, and acknowledge the issues that he has that have driven him to drinking, and the patterns of behavior that have gotten him here. He has had a sponsor now for three weeks for so and talks to him almost daily. He's been to a meeting here. He does really seem to want sobriety for himself, but I know it's really only time that will tell. I don't want to pin all of my hopes on him staying sober, but I am really thinking I want to take my dad's advice and see it through, while living together. I don't have a job here, as it is now, and my living situation has become pretty cramped, since a new roommate moved in and I'm still here. That, still, is not reason to move or make a decision based on those things. I don't feel like he has put any pressure on me to make a decision. He said he of course would be very sad if we split, but that he is going to continue his recovery, that he is really enjoying the fellowship he's experienced in his AA community. We have both agreed that if we were to split this time, it would have to be complete and total no contact. Then he said the only thing he asks is that we not divorce until he's out of army so that he can stay in the rent house. So I am trying to be honest with myself, and leaving him right now is not something I think I want to do. I want to a sober life with him, not being two states away, with both of us pursuing counseling, AA, and Al-Anon. If things aren't working, I can always come back here. I have moved many, many times so that is not foreign to me.

That's most of it for now. The situation has caused some tension with my roommate and best friend, so I'm feeling sad about that. But we are supposed to talk today and I hope we can come to understand each other better. The A and I are leaving on a camping trip tomorrow, road trip for six days. Once again, thanks for listening and all of your support.