Do you agree or disagree?
 

My A has 4 DWI's and has no license, hasn't had one in like 5 or so years. So, he has been not drinking since Feb of this year...He is eligable to get his license back now, but he hasn't followed the rules of abstaining from drinking.

He is giving 5 of his buddies at work to write saying he has been alcohol free..Of course they will all lie, which is why he is choosing them and not me or his family.

If the state were to know he had been drinking he would have to wait another 2 years.

He tells me it will be easier on me so I don't have to drive him anymore and so that he can DRIVE HIMSELF to outpatient treatment or AA.

Do you agree or disagree that his idea of lying is for the better?

I guess I disagree because he is just lying and getting out of the consequences.

It would be "easier" if he did, but I dunno I just feel like it is wrong.

Thanks!!

This is conflicting info -- can you clarify?

Actually, there is no need..... Lying to the courts is NEVER a good idea. Period. End of story.

If he is still drinking, he should never have a license. Lying priod is bad and truth be told, lying has a way of coming out in the open.

He hasn't had a drink for 5 months but in order to get his license back you are not suppose to drink AT ALL and have 5 close people to verify and tell the courts or state or whatever that he has been dry and stayed out of trouble.... and he is never supposed to drink again!!

Um... you don't have to drive him NOW. He's an adult and can figure out a way out of his own problems, if you let him.

CLMI

I agree with Catlover. It is very hard to stop enabling the A in any way, shape or form (I'm still figuring that part out), but once you do, it feels so darn good.

I agree! But its like between do I want to take him to where ever or start a whole big argument about how he financially provides for the family and works for the money to get gas in the car that he should be able to ask for a ride if needed. Which he rarely does since he can walk or gets rides to work...

I am just pretty angry and somewhat scared because this will entitle him to a whole new source of freedom, WHICH I know I shouldn't even worry or care about since he is a grown adult...but I just worry that this will happen again (drinking and then leading to him driving)

Lindsey,
Let Go and Let God. You cannot control this; not any of it.
Are you going to Al-Anon?

Just because he financially supports the family doesn't mean he's got a right to endanger a whole bunch of innoncent people on the road while he drives around drunk *again*.

Just so I've got this straight: are YOU being asked to lie for him? If so, I wouldn't. If not, I'd just stop driving him around as a natural consequence to his previous irresponsible choices. It's not your job to help him get around those consequences. I know it'll cause conflict between you and him, but perhaps he needs to be reminded of certain things...

oh he knows not to ask me because I refuse to lie for him....I had accidently found out when he had these 5 papers for his co workers to fill out.

lindsey,

whose car is he proposing to drive?
who will insure it?
will you be liable?
and, this is a tragedy waiting to happen.
you know he is not supposed to drive for two more years, he knows he is not supposed to drive for two more years, but the idea is to make life easier for you?
uh, no. no way.
my experience with alcoholics (family of origin, married to it, and in recovery myself) any break we get, we see as "deserved". Got away with it again.
4 DWI's? So what? I can drive whenever I want. I have friends. Friends that will lie for me. Who cares who gets in the way?
Who will pay when he f***s up again?
Ask yourself that.

*sorry for the rant tone this took on, my best friend was killed by a drunk driver 15 years ago. he had 3 priors. I had to identify her body, cause her family was not in town. nice, huh?