MaryGoRound

So I know most of are familiar with the dating scene post a.d. (that's alcoholic disaster)....its not exactly easy. There are many questions and things to consider like, how do you know you're ready?do you date VERY casually, or not at all? I think the answers mostly depend on the individual and I think I'll know when I'm ready.

The thing I'm concerned about is that for whatever god-forsaken reason men and boys kind of throw themselves at me (which in hind-sight is what got me into trouble in the first place with my little friend I'd like to call vodka breath, a.k.a. pill brains or "fresh cool" (I just vomited). As you can see I'm not bitter and hold no resentments whatsoever. (Just a weirdo magnet?)

LOL. In all seriousness, once you start to tell someone is going there...what do you say? I don't want to embarrass myself or the other person by assuming they're trying to date me. In the past I was really horrible at being ASSERTIVE and not telling the other person I wasn't interested.

Does a simple "I've gone through a rough time and I'm not looking to date anyone any time soon, but I'd like to be friends" actually work?!

For those that don't already know from my very disdainful anti-drug crusade about everything that has gone down in the past three years, I really just want some NORMALCY and don't want to have to talk about drugs, or how I'm codependent to people who may be a good prospect sometime in the future....(uhh, maybe depending on if I can figure out what I WANT for the first time in my life)

I'd love to hear what y'all did in that reguard....

Freedom1990

"No thanks."

That's always worked for me.

MaryGoRound

note to self: why does a simple no thanks seem so cruel?

LOL. dang it...I'm still not assertive. I'm a guilt cookie! Wrapped in resentment. With a tag that says DATE ME I HAVE BAGGAGE!

JessicaNAJ

You could easily say that you are not interested in dating anyone right now. No one needs to know your reason...like my mom always said (and I catch myself saying now), if they ask why, its "because I said so"

TakingCharge999

I am/was like that
It feels GREAT when you say NO.

Period.

Or "I gotta go".

Period.

GREAT GREAT Feeling!!!

I also see that as a test from HP. Something like "really? are you done? or are you in for more madness? how much do you love yourself now?" ..

Kassie2

Hi mary,

I don't think it is necessary to explain yourself to someone you hardly know.

You have the choice to be honest and say something like," I am not interested in dating right now" or you can avoid the confrontation and say something like, " I have too much on my plate right now".

I used these and gave them to my children and friends etc, " I have work", " I have studies", "I have to run errands for my mom, brother, sister etc", "I have to babysit or I have help ____"

When my estranged husband and I first met - I used to where a ring on the married finger that was not specifically a traditional wedding band (so I could I say I wasn't trying to mislead anyone) and most men would avoid the risk. (Not my husband though). When he first got sober, he kept asking me to date and I wasn't ready. I had a list of excuses when the truth didn't work. But what I did learn is this, if you are going to be truthful - just keep it brief and don't offer explanations - most don't care why after you say no - and explanations lead to further conversation for someone who is pushy to resolve your problem for you to clear the way.

Still Waters

"No, I think you're probably a disgusting fool who is acting the part just to trap me into your downward spiral of an insane life." <<< might be considered cruel.

"No, thanks ". <<<< not considered cruel.

JenT1968

yeah, be careful about too much information. There are people for whom a girl just out of a damaging relationship is exactly what they are after.

You really want to avoid these people, some of them can be very cunning in their campaigns to secure a person not ready for a new relationship.

"no thanks" is strong and confident and truthful and kind (not stringing someone along) and all that is required

wicked

LOL
:rotfxko

this is hilarious, thank you!

hehehehehe

Taking5

"No thank you". Is a perfectly good answer. We are MEN for crying out loud. We are experts at being able to take rejection. (Maybe if I looked like Brad Pitt this would not be the case).

Hammerhead

MaryGoRound I'm soooo glad you posted this.

I am recently divorced with absolutely no desire to date... I don't hate men... but just the idea of dating makes me want to puke.

I've been asked out by 3 men in the small town where I live... 2 are alcoholics... (talk about a sign on my forehead) the other... I don't know enough about.

I've said no to all 3... 2 are "persistent".... persistent to the point where I'm ready to throw them a middle finger when I see them ... What part of "NO" don't they understand!!!

I seriously have questioned what signals I've put out... cuz from my perspective... I've not said anything or done anything to attract them... I'm short and curt when I tell them "NO.... I have a ton of bills to pay and that I'm working a whole lot... don't have time".

... perhaps I should have just said "No... Thanks" ... now there's a sign that is crystal clear.