Another milestone without the A
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Another milestone without the A
This weekend my youngest son graduates from high school. In the Fall, he'll be going off to college.
I've been having mixed emotions all week, thinking of this. Thinking of how much I will miss him being home under my roof. Thinking about how fast the time went by, thinking of all we have been through the last few years.
His father (the XAH) is no longer part of our lives. He's been gone for over 2 years from our home. Disaster and divorce. Domestic violence, and financial ruin. He does not keep in touch with his son.
And while I am in some ways feeling a bit teary-eyed over the reality of my baby leaving home - I am happy for him and excited to witness his life unfold. I have tried very hard to provide him with a happy home, guidance, and a good example of an adult these last few years... trying to be "the parent on duty" and do a good job so he has a good future. Bitter and sweet, as I know I have to now let go of those reins.
I can't help but stop and think about all the events my X has missed out on the last few years... as our son went through high school, excelled in his studies and on the sports teams he was involved with. His dad was not there last week when they had the honors scholarship dinner. He won't be there in the audience when the graduation ceremonies are held later this week. He's missed it all due to alcoholism. He got his priorities mixed up but good.
I also can't help but wonder if he realizes these facts and if it haunts him in the wee hours of the morning when he has short moments of clarity. It's likely the only time of the day he's got any form of sobriety.
I've been having mixed emotions all week, thinking of this. Thinking of how much I will miss him being home under my roof. Thinking about how fast the time went by, thinking of all we have been through the last few years.
His father (the XAH) is no longer part of our lives. He's been gone for over 2 years from our home. Disaster and divorce. Domestic violence, and financial ruin. He does not keep in touch with his son.
And while I am in some ways feeling a bit teary-eyed over the reality of my baby leaving home - I am happy for him and excited to witness his life unfold. I have tried very hard to provide him with a happy home, guidance, and a good example of an adult these last few years... trying to be "the parent on duty" and do a good job so he has a good future. Bitter and sweet, as I know I have to now let go of those reins.
I can't help but stop and think about all the events my X has missed out on the last few years... as our son went through high school, excelled in his studies and on the sports teams he was involved with. His dad was not there last week when they had the honors scholarship dinner. He won't be there in the audience when the graduation ceremonies are held later this week. He's missed it all due to alcoholism. He got his priorities mixed up but good.
I also can't help but wonder if he realizes these facts and if it haunts him in the wee hours of the morning when he has short moments of clarity. It's likely the only time of the day he's got any form of sobriety.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
How lucky your son is to have YOU!
As much as we may wish it were so, we don't need everyone who "should" be there to be there at the important moments of our lives - we just need at least one loving witness, someone to stand up for us, someone to share all the stories and memories with. And there you are for your dear son!
I know this sadness you are describing. It is tough stuff. My A dad missed out on a lot of cool stuff when we were kids. But I had a grandmother and 2 grandfathers whose eyes would shine every time I walked in a room and they sustained me!
((((((((hugs))))))))
peace-
b
As much as we may wish it were so, we don't need everyone who "should" be there to be there at the important moments of our lives - we just need at least one loving witness, someone to stand up for us, someone to share all the stories and memories with. And there you are for your dear son!
I know this sadness you are describing. It is tough stuff. My A dad missed out on a lot of cool stuff when we were kids. But I had a grandmother and 2 grandfathers whose eyes would shine every time I walked in a room and they sustained me!
((((((((hugs))))))))
peace-
b
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by isurvived 
And while I am in some ways feeling a bit teary-eyed over the reality of my baby leaving home - I am happy for him and excited to witness his life unfold.
My youngest daughter's father has been in AA for over 32 years now. We were never married.
He only lives 40 miles away.
He has for the most part, been an absentee parent as my youngest daughter grew up.
He wasn't there for his first set of kids when he was drinking, and he wasn't there for my daughter in sobriety.
My daughter knows who the present and loving parent has been.
Today we have a good relationship.
Your son knows who the present and loving parent is in his life.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
Just a bit of feedback I want to add. I was so proud of my son today as he crossed the stage to get his diploma. When he got up from his seat after they called his name, he looked up into the stands where I was sitting and gave me a 'thumbs up" and a smile.
On the way home he thanked me for being "the best mom he could ever want", and for being so strong and being the person he could count on through the years.
It made my heart swell.
He didn't even get a card or a call from his father which hurts him I am sure, but he didn't let on.
On the way home he thanked me for being "the best mom he could ever want", and for being so strong and being the person he could count on through the years.
It made my heart swell.
He didn't even get a card or a call from his father which hurts him I am sure, but he didn't let on.
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