Need Advice...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1
Need Advice...
Hello,
I'm not sure if this is the place to post this but here it goes anyway. My mother has been an alcoholic my whole life, and although she has had one long period of sobriety (~10 years), she has mainly been a constant drinker throughout my childhood and into my adult life (I am 25 now). In the last 10 years she has suffered 2 strokes and had arterial bypass surgery to remove a blockage in her brain... and although alcohol isn't the only cause (she smokes as well) it's a major contributing factor. It has been a constant struggle to get her into rehabs, she will be sober for a month, then relapse right back into drinking. Today, I spoke to my father to discover this has once again occurred. What makes today different, however, is that it's the first time I've heard my father both angry and generally fed up with the situation. My mother is very spiteful of my father, although she is civil, she is a master at snide comments and generally hurtful. My mother hasn't worked for over 13 years now, so my father is the main source of income for the family. He works all day to come home to a drunk wife who doesn't seem to appreciate him. With my father's new 'tone' I am hoping that I might be able to convince my father to do something besides helping get my mother into rehab (family counseling, etc). I worry about her health and know that if she keeps this up she won't last another 5 years...
Having said that, I guess my question is: what do you recommend I do? Can I do anything?
Thanks,
Kevin
I'm not sure if this is the place to post this but here it goes anyway. My mother has been an alcoholic my whole life, and although she has had one long period of sobriety (~10 years), she has mainly been a constant drinker throughout my childhood and into my adult life (I am 25 now). In the last 10 years she has suffered 2 strokes and had arterial bypass surgery to remove a blockage in her brain... and although alcohol isn't the only cause (she smokes as well) it's a major contributing factor. It has been a constant struggle to get her into rehabs, she will be sober for a month, then relapse right back into drinking. Today, I spoke to my father to discover this has once again occurred. What makes today different, however, is that it's the first time I've heard my father both angry and generally fed up with the situation. My mother is very spiteful of my father, although she is civil, she is a master at snide comments and generally hurtful. My mother hasn't worked for over 13 years now, so my father is the main source of income for the family. He works all day to come home to a drunk wife who doesn't seem to appreciate him. With my father's new 'tone' I am hoping that I might be able to convince my father to do something besides helping get my mother into rehab (family counseling, etc). I worry about her health and know that if she keeps this up she won't last another 5 years...
Having said that, I guess my question is: what do you recommend I do? Can I do anything?
Thanks,
Kevin
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Take your dad to an alanon meeting for starters. That's a 12 step group for folks who love an alcoholic. There, your dad can at least get some support from other people in his shoes, but can also start working on healing himself.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Hello Kevin, and welcome to this forum.
It is so, so hard, to just let go of the addict. But we learn - sometimes after a lifetime - that it is what we must do. If your father is having a change of attitude, take heart! It is the beginning of him doing so.
The ingrained patterns in your father & mother's relationship take a long time, and concious effort, to change. You can gently encourage your father without telling him what to do. I hope you are able to go to an Alanon meeting together. He might be uncomfortable, but assure him that he doesn't have to talk if he doesn't wish to, and the folks that are there know just what he has been living with.
It is so, so hard, to just let go of the addict. But we learn - sometimes after a lifetime - that it is what we must do. If your father is having a change of attitude, take heart! It is the beginning of him doing so.
The ingrained patterns in your father & mother's relationship take a long time, and concious effort, to change. You can gently encourage your father without telling him what to do. I hope you are able to go to an Alanon meeting together. He might be uncomfortable, but assure him that he doesn't have to talk if he doesn't wish to, and the folks that are there know just what he has been living with.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
