Is this abuse?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
If she can stay away, then yes, stay away, but if you know you're going to go back to the "dance" then just go back. The back and forth is what will make you sick.
I'm in no way condoning staying with an abusive addict, but if you cannot, and you keep doing this drama crazy dance with him, just stay and work out your sh*t while in the relationship.
When you walk in the doors of Al Anon, they wil tell you not to make any decisions in the 1st 6 months because of this. I thought they were mad, but it makes sense now.
I'm in no way condoning staying with an abusive addict, but if you cannot, and you keep doing this drama crazy dance with him, just stay and work out your sh*t while in the relationship.
When you walk in the doors of Al Anon, they wil tell you not to make any decisions in the 1st 6 months because of this. I thought they were mad, but it makes sense now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
by the way Jennie, I was doing this dance as well (not to the extent of your situation), but my therapist said to me (he's an addicton therapist) "Either stay or go, if you go, mean it, if you stay, be still and grow"
Again, not condoning you to stay, just showing you a different perspective
Again, not condoning you to stay, just showing you a different perspective
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Thanks guys... You know, as I was reading your response summerpeach, it gave me an 'excuse' to stay with him. The sad truth is - when I am with him, I struggle putting together my life. I become completely consumed in him, and in all honesty, all the negative things he's done cease from my mind. I completely forget.
I woke up this morning feeling completely empty. All I wanted to do was call him, to see him, to talk to him, something. I was making excuses in my head about how we can make this work... and then I read your reply, and I was like, "okay, maybe I can give him another shot". The truth is, he's destroying me. I may be weak, and it may be hard to stay away, but as coffeedrinker put it... I get stronger with each steps. Two months ago, I wouldn't have made it through one day of breaking up with him. It really does get easier to stay strong. While I may cry, miss him, want to hear from him, I'm making a conscious effort not to give in.
His brain is going to explode. That won't be his wake up call. I won't be his wake up call. I need to completely remove myself from his life. It's just DAMN hard... and I feel really weak at times. I was thinking about it this morning. How can a man who can potentially die rather soon, not give a sh!t about his life? If he doesn't care about his health, he sure as hell doesn't care about mine.
Also, the longer I stay.. the more I fall into his manipulation. I so badly want to run back to him right now. He told me he I was confused, and he'd be waiting for my return. He thinks I'm a fool, and perhaps I am. Maybe this one time I want to show him I wasn't kidding. I'm doubting myself, but I am truly trying this time.
I woke up this morning feeling completely empty. All I wanted to do was call him, to see him, to talk to him, something. I was making excuses in my head about how we can make this work... and then I read your reply, and I was like, "okay, maybe I can give him another shot". The truth is, he's destroying me. I may be weak, and it may be hard to stay away, but as coffeedrinker put it... I get stronger with each steps. Two months ago, I wouldn't have made it through one day of breaking up with him. It really does get easier to stay strong. While I may cry, miss him, want to hear from him, I'm making a conscious effort not to give in.
His brain is going to explode. That won't be his wake up call. I won't be his wake up call. I need to completely remove myself from his life. It's just DAMN hard... and I feel really weak at times. I was thinking about it this morning. How can a man who can potentially die rather soon, not give a sh!t about his life? If he doesn't care about his health, he sure as hell doesn't care about mine.
Also, the longer I stay.. the more I fall into his manipulation. I so badly want to run back to him right now. He told me he I was confused, and he'd be waiting for my return. He thinks I'm a fool, and perhaps I am. Maybe this one time I want to show him I wasn't kidding. I'm doubting myself, but I am truly trying this time.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
If you can stay away and stay strong, then of course, do that. I certainly was not trying to find excuses for you to stay if you have the strength to stay away.
It was my option plan if you were not able to stay away.
Can you remove yourself completely from him at this point?
And yes, maybe it is his wake up call, we just never know
It was my option plan if you were not able to stay away.
Can you remove yourself completely from him at this point?
And yes, maybe it is his wake up call, we just never know
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
I am not clearly understanding the brain annuryism, normally the operate immediately. Did you actually see the report and or talk to the doc? Or, are you just going by what he told you?
You are obsessing about him yet again. Figure out something else to do with your brain power. Read a book, learn a new hobby, go swimming, ride your bike, go to the gym, just do something.
You are obsessing about him yet again. Figure out something else to do with your brain power. Read a book, learn a new hobby, go swimming, ride your bike, go to the gym, just do something.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Jenny,
You write "I am weak," as if it were something unchangeable and out of your control. Like "I have brown eyes," or "I am 5 feet 7 inches tall." It's not. We all have weaknesses, and we all have the power to change them. When a particular "muscle" is weak, it means it hasn't been exercised enough to get strong yet. I can't start out with a 20 mile bike ride. I have to ride a couple of miles at first, then gradually increase in order to get stronger.
It takes work and determination, but you can get the weak parts of you stronger. You don't just wake up one day with strength. You start by exercising the weak part a little bit at a time, gradually building up strength. So, just don't call today. Find something you enjoy doing and do it. Then tomorrow, do something else. If you keep exercising your independence and self-worth muscles, they will get stronger.
L
You write "I am weak," as if it were something unchangeable and out of your control. Like "I have brown eyes," or "I am 5 feet 7 inches tall." It's not. We all have weaknesses, and we all have the power to change them. When a particular "muscle" is weak, it means it hasn't been exercised enough to get strong yet. I can't start out with a 20 mile bike ride. I have to ride a couple of miles at first, then gradually increase in order to get stronger.
It takes work and determination, but you can get the weak parts of you stronger. You don't just wake up one day with strength. You start by exercising the weak part a little bit at a time, gradually building up strength. So, just don't call today. Find something you enjoy doing and do it. Then tomorrow, do something else. If you keep exercising your independence and self-worth muscles, they will get stronger.
L
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