Jenny1232

I keep seeing "unavailable" pop up. Can someone please explain exactly what makes one, an "unavailable man"?

I never considered myself to be with one... because they seem SO emotionally available (well, not one of my exes). What exactly does this entail?

Jenny1232

Interesting.. Actually, I feel like I'm the one who is emotionally unavailable..

Thank you for sharing/explaining.

Duped

I think I have become somewhat emotionally unavailable through the act of detachment probably. It probably is a trust issue.

tchappy

That is possible. I know after I ended my relationship with my ex ABF. I did a ton of soul searching and realized I actually went for emotionally unavailable men because I was not available either. I was not capable of trusting men so it was easier to just pick one of these men. I always knew the relationship would not last for some reason or another. Very strange to realize that I was actually the one jepordizing my chances of meeting someone not just the addicts I was attracted to.

SomeoneElse

Wow, my AH has called me an emotional cripple before, but after reading the article above, I'm emotionally unavailable all the way. I have to do some self-searching to understand if I've always been this way, or if it's just the past few years. I wonder how 'unavailable' I'll become after I master this detachment thing I'm working on.

coffeedrinker

Thanks, Anvil, great contribution

LS2

That is very interesting thanks for posting. I can relate to myself being the emotionally unavailable one too.

littlefish

I would like to chime in here and thank you anvil for that article. That was me all over, totally emotionally unavailable. I am a recovering alcoholic female, so I liked reading that being emotionally unavailable is not just a guy thing. In recovery I realized I have been terrified of intimacy and closeness all my life.

I guess we all assume that women are naturally emotionally available, but it's not true. I think we can all think of women whe are not emotionally available: I think of my mother, and then I think of myself.

It is very frightening to try and trust people now and be emotionally available, but I am trying.

Jenny1232

Thanks for posting that littlefish...

I never realized myself, until a few days ago how terrified of intimacy I am too. It's extremely difficult to trust people.. especially when you've been let down so many times before.

This was posted elsewhere, but it applies. Maybe it can help!

Fear of Intimacy - the wounded heart of codependency