DetachMe9

I'm back. Sigh. This comes after spending 2006-7 in the 'Infidelity' Forum and then the last 3 years in the 'Friends and Family Of Alcoholics' Forum. Then getting divorced. Guess I'm coming full circle.

So here's the question in a nutshell: I put myself out there on an online dating service (one of the big ones) and after a month, decide to email back/forth with a 54 y/o guy. It goes very well and we decide to meet for the first time about 2 weeks ago.

We talk for hours, eat pizza, laugh, eat chocolate. Really hit it off and enjoy each other's company. At the end of the evening (stupid me), we end up in a very heavy makeout session that fortunately does NOT end up with full-blown sex.

We've emailed and texted a few times over the past 10 days (forgiving each other for going too far on a first date at our age, ha), but didn't see each other last weekend because he was moving from a loft into a new home. He was also moving his daughter out of her dorm the same weekend.

Now I haven't heard from him for 6 days. Nothing. Not a text or peep. I'm vacillating between waiting or not to contact him. I want him to contact me, but I don't want to look desperate if I reach out to him. I don't know what the rules are, or if there are any rules. I haven't dated for 25 years!

Feedback....please.....someone.

Thanks.

ElegantlyWasted

Welcome back to the dating saddle. My take on stuff like this (my Gf is a professional matchmaker and I've heard alot of what goes on in her clients minds, which has assured me that my past anxieties about dating make me perfectly human), is figure out why you're on the fence about not contacting him. A lot of it, I think, is fear of the unknown that implies the possibility of rejection, being perceived as a stalker etc. No contact 6 days, you seem to like the guy. Something is going on, but what? I would throw it out to him, express genuine interest in continuing to see him and see what happens. If he continues to avoid, detach and move on. Some people like games, I don't, you seem to either. Go after whatever you think will make you happy, but have a predetermined point at which you will pull the plug and move on. From what I've seen honest effective communication from the get go lays a foundation for a real caring, loving and effective relationship, whether it's a lfe partner business collegue etc. At the very least you figure out who they are and how to deal with them if you need to emotionally detach. Have fun! Fifty is the new 30 and Cougars have grabbed the public consciousness in a good way...

Summerpeach

Listen, you're 49, you don't have time to wait to fool around ;-)
Kidding, I am old too and would wait at least until the 3rd date

Contact him. Call up and say "hey"
Make small talk and see if he wants to go out again.

If not, well I can tell you this, once I started dating again, I had to go through many a man on these single sites.

Take it all with a great of salt and be detached in a way

tjp613

If he moved himself AND his daughter in one weekend he's probably in traction!!! I know I would be!

nowinsituation

Totally agree with Anvilhead.... Let's him know you are interested, and not desparate.... Good luck!

Taking5

As a 48yo man, please let him know if you are interested. It's not like you are falling back on the bed with your legs up in the air!

Freedom1990

DeVon-formerly of the 'who dates' club too

Still Waters

This topic makes me want to

DetachMe9

"...he's a guy, not an internal organ.
it was a date, not a marriage ceremony."


Lmao! Ah, so very much what I needed to hear. Thanks Anvil... Reminds me of so many other comments you made over the years; I've missed you all.

OK, then, my plan is to wait it out until tomorrow - - then send a very brief email. High time for me to grow a pair, I'm almost 50!

Why does it feel like we never seem to get out of junior high school when it comes to times like these. God.

Thanks everyone, D9.

wanting

Haha! I totally feel ya on the junior high school thing. Send him an email that says, "Do you like me? Check one: Yes, No, Maybe."

Still Waters

That would be Do U Like Me? Y N or M. K thx bai.

Jazzman

Just report back with DETAILs!!!

wanting

LOL, Still Waters. You're right.

Summerpeach

Just came back to see if she put out yet?!

;-)

Jadmack25

If I am on the bed with legs in air........I AM in traction!!!

God bless

coyote21

Whew, thought I was the only one who at 57, still feels 17 when an attractive woman is around. Damn.

Heck, in a weird way, I hope that never changes.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Trying2Fly

I'm 33, and my thoughts about the dating world (when I was dating), was that you should just go for it with no worries--what's the worse that can happen? It doesn't work out? Then you pick yourself back up, dust yourself off, and....you know the rest! Hugs to you--get out there!

brundle

LOL!!!! You guys are a hoot!!! I'm a huge fan of Millionaire Matchmaker she has a great book on dating. I'm not really into it yet. But I like to flirt. I can't wait to see who legs end up in the air here!!! I'm 42 I didn't know it got so dangerous out there. That's what happens when your off the market for 10 years!!! LOL!!!
Hugs,
Nan

DetachMe9

My god, you all! Here I am trying so hard to play it cool, do whatever it is that's "right", and not blow it (no pun....). Now I've got an online image of myself with legs in the air and everyone waiting/digging for the dirt. Hilarious.

Actually, I semi-caved and sent the (very brief) email last evening about 8:30pm. It's about 8:30am the next day and so far - - NOTHING. Damn.

Ultimately I know I'll be just fine, but all this internal angst has got my red flags waving. Feel like I should probably go to a meeting to help detach or something....

And that pisses me off too! I take this small step back out into the relationship-world and now I've got to go to a meeting. Jesus. Wish it didn't have to be such a thing. Like if I can't find my fave flavor of ice cream at the store later today, I'm going to have to go to a meeting about it. Aagghhhh!!

stella27

I feel EXACTLY the same way. I need to learn how to detach. I have an email crush/buddy who didn't respond to me for a couple of days and I became a lunatic.

Did I offend him?
Is he mad at me?
He must be in love with me and scared of how strong his feelings are.
He must hate my guts.
Who does he think he is?
Doesn't he know how special I am?
Maybe he has been injured and lost all access to email.
Maybe he is dating someone.
Maybe he doesn't want to hurt my feelings.
Does he think I'm fat?
Why would I think he would like me? I am old, damaged, and have 3 young children.

As you can see, I am just spinning like a top.

I clearly need a meeting.