Petty Annoyance, But Still....
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,118
Petty Annoyance, But Still....
OK, in the grand scheme of things this is nothing. Compared to all the other threads this may come off as an "Are you kidding me? Don't you have something more important to worry about?"
But it falls under boundaries and respect, which I have a hard time with.
AH had stopped drinking during the years 1999 and 2004. Around 2002 he also quit a lifelong smoking habit. He always said that while had a hard time justifying not drinking, he felt incredibly stupid that he had ever smoked. He was so glad he had stopped.
Of course, it wasn't long after his drinking relapse that we went to visit my brother in Florida and he came back addicted to these nasty little cigars called Black and Mild. I was so disappointed for him, but more than that, there was no way I was going back to living in a stinky, smelly, toxic house. The rule has been from that time, NO SMOKING IN THE HOUSE.
Well, he doesn't smoke in front of me, but every morning there are ashes on the floor around his chair, and the plastic filter of the cigar is in his Pepsi bottle. I have repeatedly come downstairs if I go to bed first, which I always do, and smell it. I'll tell him to put out the cigar, so it's not like a rule I've let slide.
His blatant disregard for my feelings about this just really bugs me. It's emblematic of his "me,me,me" behavior. I don't ask for much, believe me. But this is kind of like the straw that breaks the camel's back. So, I'm frustrated at this point. I'm not going to say, stop smoking in the house or I'm leaving--that's laughable considering I haven't been able to say that with regard to his drinking. But the smoking seems like an easier thing to hate (especially since my mother died of emphysema) and at the same time try to control in some ways.
So, I guess the question is, is this a petty diversion I should let go of, or does this go on the list of things that I have a right to demand of him?
But it falls under boundaries and respect, which I have a hard time with.
AH had stopped drinking during the years 1999 and 2004. Around 2002 he also quit a lifelong smoking habit. He always said that while had a hard time justifying not drinking, he felt incredibly stupid that he had ever smoked. He was so glad he had stopped.
Of course, it wasn't long after his drinking relapse that we went to visit my brother in Florida and he came back addicted to these nasty little cigars called Black and Mild. I was so disappointed for him, but more than that, there was no way I was going back to living in a stinky, smelly, toxic house. The rule has been from that time, NO SMOKING IN THE HOUSE.
Well, he doesn't smoke in front of me, but every morning there are ashes on the floor around his chair, and the plastic filter of the cigar is in his Pepsi bottle. I have repeatedly come downstairs if I go to bed first, which I always do, and smell it. I'll tell him to put out the cigar, so it's not like a rule I've let slide.
His blatant disregard for my feelings about this just really bugs me. It's emblematic of his "me,me,me" behavior. I don't ask for much, believe me. But this is kind of like the straw that breaks the camel's back. So, I'm frustrated at this point. I'm not going to say, stop smoking in the house or I'm leaving--that's laughable considering I haven't been able to say that with regard to his drinking. But the smoking seems like an easier thing to hate (especially since my mother died of emphysema) and at the same time try to control in some ways.
So, I guess the question is, is this a petty diversion I should let go of, or does this go on the list of things that I have a right to demand of him?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,894
Well, you can demand until the cows come home, but he's going to do whatever he wants to do. You cannot force him to stop smoking in the house any more than you could force him not to drink. He is showing a definite lack of concern about your feelings, but you have to decide what you will and will not accept in YOUR life. Just as he has a right to do what he wants, you have that same right.
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
I would not put up with anyone smoking in my home. I'm a former smoker and I cannot stand that smell all over everything. I hated it then, and I hate it now.
It's not too much to ask that he smoke outside.
It's not too much to ask that he smoke outside.
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