sesh

I'm doing good, quite good under the circumstances. AH left on Friday, I'm not thinking about what's he doing, I'm sad for him, I hope one day he might find it in himself to start recovering, but I'm perfectly aware that has nothing to do with me.
Mornings are hard, it's been like that for the longest time, I feel nauseus and it takes me some time to get my bearings back. It's not about emotions as much as it is about phisicaly not feeling well.
In general I'm pleased with how I am doing. I try to make most of the day, if I don't feel like doing much, I just stay in with kids and do stuff at home. I'm not overwhelmed with emotions, it's sad, it's hard, but I know it's a process I have to go through, and my mind and hearth are on the same page.
But than yesterday, I took my kids out for a walk, and I started having a panic attack, or at least I think that was one. Everything around me felt so hectic and busy, and I felt lost, I couldn't bear walking not holding my kids hands, as it felt they might wonder off, or get hit by a car, or fall or the bridge we were crossing. That was insane as it was middle of the day, not too much traffic, and my kids are 11 and 6. But still I just needed to get off the street. So I almost run to my friends house, went to her bedroom and stayed there for a awhile, just breathing and being grateful there is no one in the room with me. I stayed like that for 5 - 10 minutes and those feelings desapeared.
Now I'm quite confused by it. I'm not bottling my emotions inside, I let myself experience them, so I'm surprised by my reaction.
Maybe it's too do with my PMS, I don't know.
I'm not freaking over it, but last night again I had this pain in the upper part of my head like I've banged my head against something, and than it started to feel numb. I got scared I'm about to have stroke or something. So I took AD pill and went to bed.
I'm confused with this? Is it that my body can not stand any more tension or is it that I'm finally starting to relax, so I'm having all these side effects?
I honestly have no idea.
What do you think? have you ever experienced something like this?
I'd really like to take a close look into this one, as it feels my body is trying to tell me something.
I'd appreciate your thoughts

Kmber2010

You need to discuss with your Dr. ASAP. I have had panic attacks and well....you feel like you are being smothered, can't breath, overwhelming dread, anxiety, etc.

Please see your Dr. You have had massive stress in your life.

All the best~!

sesh

And also, bacause I'm so sad, sometimes I feel like crying but I can't.

So I'm thinking about Pelican's thread Which are you...? http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...01032-you.html

and I'm thinking am I becoming an egg?

Kmber2010

You have taken on so much stress and even though you physically are making changes and doing what you need to, well the pain is still there.

Are you doing any counseling? I am a recovering alcoholic and I will tell you that even when my divorce from my mentally abusive ex ended.....well I still had quite a bit of baggage there. I got sober and I got counseling.

It is amazing how much we hold in and take with us.

sesh

Thanks Kmber,
I'll try to make an appointment.
I'd love to hear how are you dealing with it. Are you taking some meds for it? Are you going to counseling? Is that how you treat panic attacks?
I don't know anything about it, and I'd appreciate any info, before I see my Dr.
Thanks

sesh

We posted in the same time.
I'm not doing counselling. I'll see if I can arrange something.

Jazzman

Anyone with a conscious would have physical reactions to the amount of stress you've been under lately. I had great success with a good counselor to get me through some rough spots.

sesh

Thank you, I will definetelly try to find a counselor.
I had a good cry just now. I really needed it. I read one of the LaTeeDee posts here and it made my cry. I wanted to cry for few days, but couldn't do it. Now I did, and I don't even know how I feel. Better? Worse? More fragile?
At least I've released some of that tension that's been chocking me.
I'm trying to figure out what all this exactly feels like. The best I came up with is it feels like I've chopped off my own hand, like if I didn't do that it's would kill me, but still that doesn't help the pain.

Pelican

I also recommend following up with a medical professional. Be honest and tell them what your are experiencing.

About the parable:
Am I a carrot, egg or coffeebean? I'm still striving to be the coffeebean. My boiling water situations aren't rich, aromatic, smooth coffee YET. But I am making progress.

Be gentle with yourself.
You have had some major changes in your life.
(((Sesh)))

Lotus2009

(((Sesh)))

Hang in there ... it gets easier after a while.

I left my AH several weeks ago and the first month was pretty tough. I had pretty bad anxiety for about a week or so after I left. I also had a panic attack after I saw him one day - I was freaking out, couldn't breathe, etc. During the first few weeks I had to make sure I was in a peaceful, safe, serene environment and even then I had some bad moments. I think all that stress really started catching up with me. It has gotten better this past two weeks... but I still have my ups and downs (my downs during pms are really, really low). Make sure you find someone to talk to (counselor), it will make a big difference. I wish you all the best!!!! This too shall pass!

Trying2Fly

Even if you "think you're okay", stress will find a way to manifest itself; i.e. through panic attacks. I've had them and I feel your pain; they are terrible. I agree with other posters that maybe you should see your Dr. I've done yoga for years now, and that's helped my stress levels...
I also relate to the "want to cry, but can't" feeling...I think this can happen when our bodies go into over-stress mode: the brain kicks in and does not allow you to express emotions for survival reasons (my theory at least, anyway).

When I broke up with my ex, I felt many similar feelings...and eventually I got to the place where I made "mini goals" for my day (i.e. bake cookies, go for a walk), and slowly, I felt more normal.

Wishing you good thoughts, and take care of you.

Jadmack25

Stress gave me asthma attacks for the first time at age 45, also a form or Uticaria (hives) that looked awful, and the itch nearly sent me nuts, insomnia and nightmares. Finally, after 5 years of Angina, having gotten to 3 to 5 attacks a day, I graduated to a heart attack.

I got treatment for the itches and heart problems, but never disclosed the strain I was under due to a drunken husband and me trying to keep it all hidden, and later on...being with a binge drinker and the rotten Mr Hyde he turned in to.

I did let it all out after the heart attack....and got the therapy and help I should have had 20 years ago. The last 12 months have been like being reborn, and I have learned how to recognise what is my business and what isn't, and how to cope with life as it is.

Please get to a Dr for the physical check up, and seek counselling or psychological therapy to help you thru the minefield that has been your life for some time.

God bless