steph1972

Hi all...Thanks for all your wonderful responses to my last post. I think I just needed to vent. This weekend I kidnapped my best friend and we went to Cedar Point and rode some roller coasters. It was so much fun. I felt guilty for going without my children, but I am taking them next month...I haven't gone anywhere without them in many years. I hope its okay that I didn't tell them where I went. I just told them I needed a little vacation.

And now I'm back at home and feel a little nervous, because I know my husband will be home soon. I didnt tell him my destination either. Im sure I will get all the accusations of cheating and abandoning my family...which I did not. My children were with grandparents.

My moods come and go...Happy...angry....sad...depending on the moment. Is it okay to just be totally happy and perky in front of him like the world is wonderful? I know how stupid this sounds. Really I do, but I can't quite find the point I am trying to make. I think it gives him some sense of satisfaction if he sees me sad or upset....Is it okay to fake the happiness even when I'm not feeling it? I know I'll get there someday....It probably would do no good to yell at him or cry....Sorry for the rambling. Maybe someone can understand what I'm trying to ask......First alanon meeting tomorrow after work....Right now I just want to get til tomorrow peacefully....Does he really need to know how much he has hurt us all? UGH....

Pelican

Take a few deep breaths.
Inhale Peacefulness
Exhale Fear

I know when I start awfulizing (a.k.a. stinking thinking), I can get all worked up over anticipating something that might happen. In getting myself worked up over something that might happen, I have wasted my precious time and energy of this moment. I became obsessive in my thinking and worrying over an alcoholic. I became obsessive of hoping to control the reactions of an alcoholic. I became obsessed with an alcoholic. I stopped thinking and worrying about me.

You did something for yourself today. Good on you. I hope you can enjoy your moment. Try to stop the stinking thinking and enjoy your evening with your children.

steph1972

You are absolutely right. I over complicated the whole situation. Worrying doesn't fix much of anything. Sometimes my own head is my worst enemy. I will take your advice....thank you.

dollydo

It appears to me that you are living with an abuser. Your emotions are a direct response to his accusations and badgering.

I am glad you had a nice day, savor it, don't let him ruin it.

Jadmack25

I am sorry that his irrational beliefs, can spoil your enjoyment of this little vacation, but he is only going to do that if you let him.
If he starts up, maybe just shrug your shoulders, shake your head and look at him with pity, as you say, "If that is what you want to believe, be happy doing it." Then walk away somewhere.

Even if you actually feel like throttling him, or bawling with sheer frustration....don't.
Put on that Mona Lisa smile and fake detachment and happiness, til these actually become reality for you.

You needed the break from him, enjoyed it and now you keep the memories out of range of his cruel and offensive remarks.

I have found that often, the person who yells "you are cheating", has done or is doing just that themselves.

God bless

Bernadette

It's a pretty classic sign of codependency when we don't know "how to feel" or "how to act" in front of certain people!

I know I felt that way because I was suffering from a serious self-knowledge deficit!!

I had to get to know myself before I could just be myself and not tip toe around other people's moods or try to second guess how my behavior would affect their mood. YUK! Glad those crappy nervous feelings are behind me. No more eggshells ever again!

Therapy is what got me out of that behavior. Starting with the questions: "Who am I? What do I want MY life to look like?"

Your trip to the coasters sounds like a blast! Let yourself bask in that joy and freedom. There's NOTHING wrong with that!

peace-
b