Cassey

I was so full of I cant, I cant, I cant!! It took me a long time to figure out YES I can and I am and I will.

I dont know what hit me or what came over me, but I have had it, I am done, I need to take care of me. I am learning for all those years that I said I couldnt change things I really could. I used my kids, my job, my house and everything I could for excuses why I had to stay in the relationship or surroundings that I chose to stay in for so many years. I didnt have to I know that now, and it took me a long time to figure out, "Hey you know what, you are just as crazy and sick as the A is in your life." When I came to that realization is the day I started my recovery. I stopped focusing on what he was doing, and started focusing on what I never even knew I wanted and just did it.

When you get to a point and you know when the point is, nothing matters, except freedom and a way out, happiness, no more endless nights of crying over something or someone else that I cant control, or change.

I am learning to get control over the only person I can control and that is myself and my choices that I make. I have made so many big choices as an independent, individual the last six months, I have kept very quite about them. I made little progress, than just a little more progress, all those little's has turned to big.

I have let myself get pulled back in so many times, but the difference is this time I still kept my focus on my goals to take care of me. I know my eyes are wide open, I do have a way out, I can take care of myself. I have a huge goal set for August and I look at it daily. I have drawn a chart with all the little goals I have achieved and it feels so incredibly good to see how close I am to my August goal the "Life Changing Goal for ME"

For years I didnt want help and didnt realize I really didnt want help, I always said I did, I talked to anyone who would listen to me. My hope and potential of what could be is gone. I now have hope and potential for me and what I can do for MY future.

Duped

It's hard for people like us to focus on ourselves because for whatever reason we unlearned that healthy self interest/selfishness that everyone should have. Guilt is a powerful emotion.

lulu1974

I feel they emotionally battered us so much they beat us down to the point that at least I have to crawl back up. I know my stbaxh did that. He put me down a lot cause he was so insecure and my self worth plummeted. I am only starting to realize that now..We have to take care of ourselves and get healthy again....
Hugs
Lulu

Cassey

You are right Duped but I am one of those people and it has taken me a very long time, years to let go of that guilt. Baby Steps

Duped

Letting go of guilt is hard because along with anger and anxiety, guilt is one of the main weapons in the alcoholic/addict's arsenal. Not to mention projection, namely of anything and everything they are the most guilty of. The spouse of an addict/alcoholic is indeed more insane than the A themselves are if we remain mired in the relationship.