6 weeks of NC and then a letter
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
6 weeks of NC and then a letter
It's been 6 weeks. He sent me a letter in the mail (I have him blocked on the phone and email). The letter is short.
The letter says he misses me, says he's "doing better", he "hopes we can talk someday" soon, and he hopes I'm not sad anymore.
The letter doesn't say if he's sober or how long he's been sober.
The ambiguity annoys me. It irritates me that he would send me that crappy letter when I know he's still drinking. He must know that because he said nothing about sobriety, that I would know he's still drinking. It's insulting. I want to write back to him to tell him something. Something that will make him leave me alone. That's the problem though:
There's nothing you can SAY to an alcoholic that will fix anything, solve anything, or help anything. It's all about doing. So I guess in this case, what I need to DO is nothing.
Just checking in!
The letter says he misses me, says he's "doing better", he "hopes we can talk someday" soon, and he hopes I'm not sad anymore.
The letter doesn't say if he's sober or how long he's been sober.
The ambiguity annoys me. It irritates me that he would send me that crappy letter when I know he's still drinking. He must know that because he said nothing about sobriety, that I would know he's still drinking. It's insulting. I want to write back to him to tell him something. Something that will make him leave me alone. That's the problem though:
There's nothing you can SAY to an alcoholic that will fix anything, solve anything, or help anything. It's all about doing. So I guess in this case, what I need to DO is nothing.
Just checking in!
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Well done for resisting the temptation to reply! I used my journal to write out the responses I wanted to make to XAH rather than email/say them to him. It helped me to get it all out on paper. You're doing really well!
Persevere, Never give up!
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Stellenbosch, South Africa
Posts: 882
There's nothing you can SAY to an alcoholic that will fix anything, solve anything, or help anything. It's all about doing. So I guess in this case, what I need to DO is nothing.
Morning, that just gets to one doesnt it, no contact and then he writes a simple letter, like that is going to make it all go away.
Unfortunately I am beginning to think you right, there is nothing we can do or say to an A to make them listen or understand. It is really sad.
Thinking of you.
Morning, that just gets to one doesnt it, no contact and then he writes a simple letter, like that is going to make it all go away.
Unfortunately I am beginning to think you right, there is nothing we can do or say to an A to make them listen or understand. It is really sad.
Thinking of you.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((KP))) - He's just trying to string you along. I really wouldn't be surpised if you get another letter, after his imagination has gone wild, something along the lines of "oh, so you're so busy with your wonderful life you don't even have time to write me back? Just forget about me...obviously I never meant anything to you...quack quack quack". At least, that's what a lot of A's tend to do when they finally realize they are losing their enabler.
I agree with bookwyrm..write it out in a journal or a letter you have no intention of sending. Get it out of your head and onto paper or computer then let it go. The BEST way of making your point to him, is not saying a word. He's still drinking and he still wants things his way...you in his life, but him doing what he wants to do.
I know these types of contact are maddening, but the more you don't respond, the faster he will, hopefully, leave you alone and let you get on with your life.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
I agree with bookwyrm..write it out in a journal or a letter you have no intention of sending. Get it out of your head and onto paper or computer then let it go. The BEST way of making your point to him, is not saying a word. He's still drinking and he still wants things his way...you in his life, but him doing what he wants to do.
I know these types of contact are maddening, but the more you don't respond, the faster he will, hopefully, leave you alone and let you get on with your life.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
After spending years answering ABF, or begging for answers from him, I learnt the hard way that only what he wanted to say or bleat about was important, and my input was of no account.
Kept my breath to cool my porridge, and let it all go into thin air, cause that's where my input would end up anyway, so saved myself all that wasted effort.
Ignore it all, til he finally gives up and you get peace again.
Do not stop pedalling.
God bless
Kept my breath to cool my porridge, and let it all go into thin air, cause that's where my input would end up anyway, so saved myself all that wasted effort.
Ignore it all, til he finally gives up and you get peace again.
Do not stop pedalling.
God bless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
I'm glad you're all agreeing that I shouldn't reply. It's so tempting. I want to tell him to forget about me because I've moved on. But I'm sure that won't work. I'll just never believe in him again. I could never risk my emotional health like that again. It's too devastating.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
YouTube - Ashley Tisdale - "It's Alright, It's OK" Official Music Vide
the video is dumb but just listen to the lyrics
the video is dumb but just listen to the lyrics
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