I'm being manipulated.
Just for today....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Venus
Posts: 118
I'm being manipulated.
So,
I had my conversation with STBX last weekend about moving up his move out date to this week. He stayed his his moms on Monday and was back last night. I went to his mom's house to pick something up and had a conversation with her about the situation. Because of the fact her and I have had so many ER trips with STBX, and have been through so much, we are very close. In fact, I am probably closer to his family than he is. Anyway, right before I left she started crying..Now, I have known her for 11 years and have seen her cry about 2 times....not very emotional people....She was saying how she just loves STBX and I together, and she thinks if we did some counseling we could fix this because there was always so much love. I told her that I didn't think so, that we are better off without eachother and that she might not see it now, but someday she will....Then the waterworks came....I felt awful. I gave her a hug and left.
So, I go home, didn't say anything to STBX about this. But driving home I felt absolutely terrible. I get home and he is making dinner...After a while he says to me, you know what, here is what I think should happen, you should go on your little vacation this weekend, with your happy little friends, have a great time, come home, we will go to counseling and call this whole thing off"...o which I replied, um ya, ok....
Those type of comments continued through out the night. Finally I just went upstairs and went to bed.
I have some theories about what is going on
1. I asked him to move out sooner, he knows I mean it and he is panicking
2. He knows that he is going to live with his mom..at this point it will be harder to lie about going out with his girls or whatever because she is watching him, and so far in her eyes he is the "victim", so he has to keep that up
3. He is no longer going to have a house, even though every chance he gets he says that the house is just a shell, and he doesn't care about it...he does.
4. maybe him and his gf broke up and now he wants me back?
5. He finally sees I am serious
The funny part of this is he left his Facebook page open this morning, of course I looked...he had messages from 3 different women, they were asking things like "are you coming over today", "text me if you wanna hang out", "I have what you need, can you give me what I need?" yuck.
So, I am being totally manipulated. Thank God I am leaving his weekend to get my mind clear. What is wrong with these A's? I just don't get it....
Anyway, hoping to keep my guard up and keep pluging along...the sad thing is how much you want to believe what they say to be true...I try to think when AH opens his mouth of that commercial about the dentist where they open their mouth and an alarm goes off..lol.
I just want to be done with this. It's so hard.
I had my conversation with STBX last weekend about moving up his move out date to this week. He stayed his his moms on Monday and was back last night. I went to his mom's house to pick something up and had a conversation with her about the situation. Because of the fact her and I have had so many ER trips with STBX, and have been through so much, we are very close. In fact, I am probably closer to his family than he is. Anyway, right before I left she started crying..Now, I have known her for 11 years and have seen her cry about 2 times....not very emotional people....She was saying how she just loves STBX and I together, and she thinks if we did some counseling we could fix this because there was always so much love. I told her that I didn't think so, that we are better off without eachother and that she might not see it now, but someday she will....Then the waterworks came....I felt awful. I gave her a hug and left.
So, I go home, didn't say anything to STBX about this. But driving home I felt absolutely terrible. I get home and he is making dinner...After a while he says to me, you know what, here is what I think should happen, you should go on your little vacation this weekend, with your happy little friends, have a great time, come home, we will go to counseling and call this whole thing off"...o which I replied, um ya, ok....
Those type of comments continued through out the night. Finally I just went upstairs and went to bed.
I have some theories about what is going on
1. I asked him to move out sooner, he knows I mean it and he is panicking
2. He knows that he is going to live with his mom..at this point it will be harder to lie about going out with his girls or whatever because she is watching him, and so far in her eyes he is the "victim", so he has to keep that up
3. He is no longer going to have a house, even though every chance he gets he says that the house is just a shell, and he doesn't care about it...he does.
4. maybe him and his gf broke up and now he wants me back?
5. He finally sees I am serious
The funny part of this is he left his Facebook page open this morning, of course I looked...he had messages from 3 different women, they were asking things like "are you coming over today", "text me if you wanna hang out", "I have what you need, can you give me what I need?" yuck.
So, I am being totally manipulated. Thank God I am leaving his weekend to get my mind clear. What is wrong with these A's? I just don't get it....
Anyway, hoping to keep my guard up and keep pluging along...the sad thing is how much you want to believe what they say to be true...I try to think when AH opens his mouth of that commercial about the dentist where they open their mouth and an alarm goes off..lol.
I just want to be done with this. It's so hard.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
*hugs* you're doing so well at seeing through his b.s.
Also, as much as you love your MIL, you need to realize that she's losing an enabler too. With you out of her son's life, she won't have any help with him, and it seems he's quite the handful. Perhaps in the years of your relationship, she'd relied on you to set boundaries for her son, and now she may have to step up and do it herself,which she may not be ready or willing to do. She may also be mourning the dream she had of "a good woman" saving her messed up son from himself. That's not to say she's decent and kind hearted, but I hope you see what's really going on.
As for him, well, let's remember that he's desperate and will do anything to save himself from the consequences of his own decisions. He may even have spoken to his mother and asked her to speak with you...
You're doing GREAT!
Also, as much as you love your MIL, you need to realize that she's losing an enabler too. With you out of her son's life, she won't have any help with him, and it seems he's quite the handful. Perhaps in the years of your relationship, she'd relied on you to set boundaries for her son, and now she may have to step up and do it herself,which she may not be ready or willing to do. She may also be mourning the dream she had of "a good woman" saving her messed up son from himself. That's not to say she's decent and kind hearted, but I hope you see what's really going on.
As for him, well, let's remember that he's desperate and will do anything to save himself from the consequences of his own decisions. He may even have spoken to his mother and asked her to speak with you...
You're doing GREAT!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
maybe it's manipulation, maybe he's just asking for something he wants.
and i do exactly what you are doing in your head, so i get it. "what could be going on? it could be this....or it could be this...."
it doesn't change anything. bottom line, you are staying strong, not buying into his bs about your marriage being fixed, and you didn't engage with him over it.
i sounded like you said "ya, ok" then walked away. so, you are being clear with him that nothing's changed for you right?
and i do exactly what you are doing in your head, so i get it. "what could be going on? it could be this....or it could be this...."
it doesn't change anything. bottom line, you are staying strong, not buying into his bs about your marriage being fixed, and you didn't engage with him over it.
i sounded like you said "ya, ok" then walked away. so, you are being clear with him that nothing's changed for you right?
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