Contradicting Emotions: What is real?
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Contradicting Emotions: What is real?
I know I keep starting new threads like crazy! I'm just livid, sad, irritated, heartbroken, happy, confused, annoyed, scared, disgusted, and every realm of emotion available.
I told him that his ignoring me was unacceptable behavior. He said, "Screw you, did you forget what you did in the truck"?
Welp, story got turned on me. Yes, I had an emotional breakdown. After he picked that fight with me, and I had been drinking, and on the devil hormone pills, I lost it. I threw a fit, crying hysterically. Does that call for grounds of disrespecting your woman, not letting her know you are safe and need time? I don't think so.
I told him, he drank too much, I just couldn't do it anymore. He said, "Screw you Jenny, I didn't even drink. On Sunday you are the one who drank an entire bottle of wine and I had three beers in four hours".
Here I am, blaming myself. This is why I told him I don't want to drink anymore. Whether it's an argument of who drank what, or who did what, we're still fighting over DRINKING.
He doesn't seem to care much that I said I wanted to end things. He just told me to leave him alone, since I didn't want him anymore. Thing is, I do WANT him.. I just also, DON'T.
IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. I want him. I hate him. I love him. I miss him. I despise him. What the heck do I want from this guy? I want him to beg for me? Hello, I'm the sick one here. I'm really upset, that he isn't even trying to convince me otherwise. I told him I wasn't making any final decisions, that I wanted to go to Fl, and thnk about it over the weekend. He just said, "give me my belongings, and leave me alone".
Argh. I'm obsessing. I didn't even want to break up, for sure. I wanted a damn apology. HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY HE WAS SORRY.
I told him that his ignoring me was unacceptable behavior. He said, "Screw you, did you forget what you did in the truck"?
Welp, story got turned on me. Yes, I had an emotional breakdown. After he picked that fight with me, and I had been drinking, and on the devil hormone pills, I lost it. I threw a fit, crying hysterically. Does that call for grounds of disrespecting your woman, not letting her know you are safe and need time? I don't think so.
I told him, he drank too much, I just couldn't do it anymore. He said, "Screw you Jenny, I didn't even drink. On Sunday you are the one who drank an entire bottle of wine and I had three beers in four hours".
Here I am, blaming myself. This is why I told him I don't want to drink anymore. Whether it's an argument of who drank what, or who did what, we're still fighting over DRINKING.
He doesn't seem to care much that I said I wanted to end things. He just told me to leave him alone, since I didn't want him anymore. Thing is, I do WANT him.. I just also, DON'T.
IT MAKES NO SENSE TO ME. I want him. I hate him. I love him. I miss him. I despise him. What the heck do I want from this guy? I want him to beg for me? Hello, I'm the sick one here. I'm really upset, that he isn't even trying to convince me otherwise. I told him I wasn't making any final decisions, that I wanted to go to Fl, and thnk about it over the weekend. He just said, "give me my belongings, and leave me alone".
Argh. I'm obsessing. I didn't even want to break up, for sure. I wanted a damn apology. HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY HE WAS SORRY.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
When we expect, we set up ourselves for pain.
My BF doesn't apologize either and he has a PHD in blameshifting. What I've come to realize, he needs to act this way in order to save his ego. It's not personal, though it sure feels like it.
And also, you need to look at your actions and how they are affecting him. Men hate drama and women spew all sorts of drama and most men just want to run from it
This is why it's important to learn how to detach.
Are you in Al Anon or therapy?
You're in the midst of the addict/codie dance it seems. Be the change you want to see
My BF doesn't apologize either and he has a PHD in blameshifting. What I've come to realize, he needs to act this way in order to save his ego. It's not personal, though it sure feels like it.
And also, you need to look at your actions and how they are affecting him. Men hate drama and women spew all sorts of drama and most men just want to run from it
This is why it's important to learn how to detach.
Are you in Al Anon or therapy?
You're in the midst of the addict/codie dance it seems. Be the change you want to see
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Actually, a therapist just now called me back. She could squeeze me in thursday, but I'm leaving. We set an appointment up for tuesday. Tonight, I plan on going to an alanon meeting.
My ex? bf is like a woman when it comes to emotions and drama. I'm not sure it even scares him. He's not like typical men, but he's still an A. I am learning to detach, slowly but surely.
My ex? bf is like a woman when it comes to emotions and drama. I'm not sure it even scares him. He's not like typical men, but he's still an A. I am learning to detach, slowly but surely.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
what you want
sweetheart,
you want him, but re-made. you want to create a man in his likeness - with his personal style (the good parts), his looks, the way he holds you, his scent. you want the good parts of him, and have him acknowledge the bad parts, and leave them behind.
prob is, that ain't happenin. and no one can re-make another person, nor is it their right to even wish for it. how would you feel if someone became your friend, then told you that they didn't really like you the way you were - you had to change this, that and the other thing or they would ditch you? you would be insulted, you would dig in your heels like an adolescent who doesn't want to do what their parents want.
you want him to be a puppy, when he's really a kitty.
there's a difference between that and healthy, constructive criticism that is asked for. he didn't ask you to tell him how to re-invent himself and then he'd hop right to it and become a different person, the one jenny ordered up.
i'm sorry you had a conversation with him. i'm sorry you set yourself up for this. what summerpeach said: expectations create future pain.
i hope now you will not return the next phone call (if it comes) or text.
and this: :ghug3
you want him, but re-made. you want to create a man in his likeness - with his personal style (the good parts), his looks, the way he holds you, his scent. you want the good parts of him, and have him acknowledge the bad parts, and leave them behind.
prob is, that ain't happenin. and no one can re-make another person, nor is it their right to even wish for it. how would you feel if someone became your friend, then told you that they didn't really like you the way you were - you had to change this, that and the other thing or they would ditch you? you would be insulted, you would dig in your heels like an adolescent who doesn't want to do what their parents want.
you want him to be a puppy, when he's really a kitty.
there's a difference between that and healthy, constructive criticism that is asked for. he didn't ask you to tell him how to re-invent himself and then he'd hop right to it and become a different person, the one jenny ordered up.
i'm sorry you had a conversation with him. i'm sorry you set yourself up for this. what summerpeach said: expectations create future pain.
i hope now you will not return the next phone call (if it comes) or text.
and this: :ghug3
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Your description of your bf (I want him. I hate him. I love him. I miss him. I despise him.) really crystalizes for me the fact that this man--and I use the term very loosely here, is your *drug*. Talk to hardcore addicts and ask them to describe the relationship they have with their drug of choice...the description is very similar to what you stated about your bf.
I honestly don't see how anything healthy or positive can come of interacting with this...person. Maybe it isn't apparent in your posts, but to me, he seems to bring you nothing but heartache.
I honestly don't see how anything healthy or positive can come of interacting with this...person. Maybe it isn't apparent in your posts, but to me, he seems to bring you nothing but heartache.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Virginia
Posts: 685
Well.. he seems okay with breaking up, which is good. We were both very civil. Said, I love you, but neither of us make each other happy. It's a lot easier, when it's not hectic.
He IS my drug.
I'm HIS drug.
It is VERY toxic.
"you want him, but re-made. you want to create a man in his likeness - with his personal style (the good parts), his looks, the way he holds you, his scent. you want the good parts of him, and have him acknowledge the bad parts, and leave them behind."
That is the sad, sad truth. I could feel myself melt at the beginning of this sentence.. then I cringed. His smell, the way he holds me.... his anger, the way he yells at me. Ick.
I, feel like a lost cause. I cannot wait for therapy next tuesday!!!
He IS my drug.
I'm HIS drug.
It is VERY toxic.
"you want him, but re-made. you want to create a man in his likeness - with his personal style (the good parts), his looks, the way he holds you, his scent. you want the good parts of him, and have him acknowledge the bad parts, and leave them behind."
That is the sad, sad truth. I could feel myself melt at the beginning of this sentence.. then I cringed. His smell, the way he holds me.... his anger, the way he yells at me. Ick.
I, feel like a lost cause. I cannot wait for therapy next tuesday!!!
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