Never once, have I ....
today4me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 311
Never once, have I ....
Never Once, have I met a woman so beautiful.
Never once, has a woman told me she loves me first.
Never once, have I sang in a car with a woman.
Never once, have I worshipped the Lord with a woman.
Never once, have I prayed with a woman.
Never once, have I heard such a beautiful singing voice.
Never once, have I met a woman and waited a year to meet her parents.
Never once, have I parked somewhere when meeting a woman at her house.
Never once, have I observed a woman sitting on the lap of a man.
Never once, have I been with a woman that desired other woman.
Never once, have I been so sexual with a woman.
Never once, have I felt so guilty in the Lords eyes.
Never once, have I been told by a woman's child that they love me.
Never once, have I had a woman's child run towards me with open arms.
Never once, have I been told "If I were you I'd run far and fast".
Never once, have I been broke up with multiple times by a woman.
Never once, have I heard a woman admit she wanted to die.
Never once, have I heard a woman call her daughter a "b...ch".
Never once, have I observed a woman lying to her daughter.
Never once, have I saw a woman lying to her mother.
Never once, have I not saw a woman hug her father, ever.
Never once, have I met a woman that never wanted to meet my friends.
Never once, have I been with a woman that drank more than me.
Never once, have I felt a person twitch all night long while they slept.
Never once, have I heard a voice mail of despair from a woman.
Never once, have I ever felt so insecure.
Never once, has a woman I've dated drove vehicles with severe hail damage.
Never once, have I observed a woman hanging laundry frequently.
Never once, has a woman I've dated forgot my birthday.
Never once, has a woman told me she wanted a partner in life, not a provider.
Never once, has a woman told me she was cutting methanphetamines when asked what pills she was cutting.
Never once, have I found empty bottles in the bedroom closet.
Never once, have I had a potential Mother-in-Law cry and cry when talking to me about her daughter.
Never once, have I been told a woman that I am a martyr and dysfunctional.
Never once, have I felt so spiritual when dating a woman.
Never once, have I been told to stay out of the life of a woman or legal action will occur.
Never once, have I ever ended a relationship with a woman that I loved.
Never once, have I ever been in love with an alcoholic or drug addict.
Never once, has a woman told me she loves me first.
Never once, have I sang in a car with a woman.
Never once, have I worshipped the Lord with a woman.
Never once, have I prayed with a woman.
Never once, have I heard such a beautiful singing voice.
Never once, have I met a woman and waited a year to meet her parents.
Never once, have I parked somewhere when meeting a woman at her house.
Never once, have I observed a woman sitting on the lap of a man.
Never once, have I been with a woman that desired other woman.
Never once, have I been so sexual with a woman.
Never once, have I felt so guilty in the Lords eyes.
Never once, have I been told by a woman's child that they love me.
Never once, have I had a woman's child run towards me with open arms.
Never once, have I been told "If I were you I'd run far and fast".
Never once, have I been broke up with multiple times by a woman.
Never once, have I heard a woman admit she wanted to die.
Never once, have I heard a woman call her daughter a "b...ch".
Never once, have I observed a woman lying to her daughter.
Never once, have I saw a woman lying to her mother.
Never once, have I not saw a woman hug her father, ever.
Never once, have I met a woman that never wanted to meet my friends.
Never once, have I been with a woman that drank more than me.
Never once, have I felt a person twitch all night long while they slept.
Never once, have I heard a voice mail of despair from a woman.
Never once, have I ever felt so insecure.
Never once, has a woman I've dated drove vehicles with severe hail damage.
Never once, have I observed a woman hanging laundry frequently.
Never once, has a woman I've dated forgot my birthday.
Never once, has a woman told me she wanted a partner in life, not a provider.
Never once, has a woman told me she was cutting methanphetamines when asked what pills she was cutting.
Never once, have I found empty bottles in the bedroom closet.
Never once, have I had a potential Mother-in-Law cry and cry when talking to me about her daughter.
Never once, have I been told a woman that I am a martyr and dysfunctional.
Never once, have I felt so spiritual when dating a woman.
Never once, have I been told to stay out of the life of a woman or legal action will occur.
Never once, have I ever ended a relationship with a woman that I loved.
Never once, have I ever been in love with an alcoholic or drug addict.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by tpen 
Never Once, have I met a woman so beautiful.
Never once, has a woman told me she loves me first.
Never once, have I sang in a car with a woman.
Never once, have I worshipped the Lord with a woman.
Never once, have I prayed with a woman.
Never once, have I heard such a beautiful singing voice.
Never once, have I met a woman and waited a year to meet her parents.
Never once, have I parked somewhere when meeting a woman at her house.
Never once, have I observed a woman sitting on the lap of a man.
Never once, have I been with a woman that desired other woman.
Never once, have I been so sexual with a woman.
Never once, have I felt so guilty in the Lords eyes.
Never once, have I been told by a woman's child that they love me.
Never once, have I had a woman's child run towards me with open arms.
Never once, have I been told "If I were you I'd run far and fast".
Never once, have I been broke up with multiple times by a woman.
Never once, have I heard a woman admit she wanted to die.
Never once, have I heard a woman call her daughter a "b...ch".
Never once, have I observed a woman lying to her daughter.
Never once, have I saw a woman lying to her mother.
Never once, have I not saw a woman hug her father, ever.
Never once, have I met a woman that never wanted to meet my friends.
Never once, have I been with a woman that drank more than me.
Never once, have I felt a person twitch all night long while they slept.
Never once, have I heard a voice mail of despair from a woman.
Never once, have I ever felt so insecure.
Never once, has a woman I've dated drove vehicles with severe hail damage.
Never once, have I observed a woman hanging laundry frequently.
Never once, has a woman I've dated forgot my birthday.
Never once, has a woman told me she wanted a partner in life, not a provider.
Never once, has a woman told me she was cutting methanphetamines when asked what pills she was cutting.
Never once, have I found empty bottles in the bedroom closet.
Never once, have I had a potential Mother-in-Law cry and cry when talking to me about her daughter.
Never once, have I been told a woman that I am a martyr and dysfunctional.
Never once, have I felt so spiritual when dating a woman.
Never once, have I been told to stay out of the life of a woman or legal action will occur.
Never once, have I ever ended a relationship with a woman that I loved.
Never once, have I ever been in love with an alcoholic or drug addict.
Never once, has a woman told me she loves me first.
Never once, have I sang in a car with a woman.
Never once, have I worshipped the Lord with a woman.
Never once, have I prayed with a woman.
Never once, have I heard such a beautiful singing voice.
Never once, have I met a woman and waited a year to meet her parents.
Never once, have I parked somewhere when meeting a woman at her house.
Never once, have I observed a woman sitting on the lap of a man.
Never once, have I been with a woman that desired other woman.
Never once, have I been so sexual with a woman.
Never once, have I felt so guilty in the Lords eyes.
Never once, have I been told by a woman's child that they love me.
Never once, have I had a woman's child run towards me with open arms.
Never once, have I been told "If I were you I'd run far and fast".
Never once, have I been broke up with multiple times by a woman.
Never once, have I heard a woman admit she wanted to die.
Never once, have I heard a woman call her daughter a "b...ch".
Never once, have I observed a woman lying to her daughter.
Never once, have I saw a woman lying to her mother.
Never once, have I not saw a woman hug her father, ever.
Never once, have I met a woman that never wanted to meet my friends.
Never once, have I been with a woman that drank more than me.
Never once, have I felt a person twitch all night long while they slept.
Never once, have I heard a voice mail of despair from a woman.
Never once, have I ever felt so insecure.
Never once, has a woman I've dated drove vehicles with severe hail damage.
Never once, have I observed a woman hanging laundry frequently.
Never once, has a woman I've dated forgot my birthday.
Never once, has a woman told me she wanted a partner in life, not a provider.
Never once, has a woman told me she was cutting methanphetamines when asked what pills she was cutting.
Never once, have I found empty bottles in the bedroom closet.
Never once, have I had a potential Mother-in-Law cry and cry when talking to me about her daughter.
Never once, have I been told a woman that I am a martyr and dysfunctional.
Never once, have I felt so spiritual when dating a woman.
Never once, have I been told to stay out of the life of a woman or legal action will occur.
Never once, have I ever ended a relationship with a woman that I loved.
Never once, have I ever been in love with an alcoholic or drug addict.
... Never once did I read in this list... what you are doing for yourself...today.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by tpen
Never Once, have I met a woman so beautiful.
Never once, has a woman told me she loves me first.
Never once, have I sang in a car with a woman.
Never once, have I worshipped the Lord with a woman.
Never once, have I prayed with a woman.
Never once, have I heard such a beautiful singing voice.
Never once, have I met a woman and waited a year to meet her parents.
Never once, have I parked somewhere when meeting a woman at her house.
Never once, have I observed a woman sitting on the lap of a man.
Never once, have I been with a woman that desired other woman.
Never once, have I been so sexual with a woman.
Never once, have I felt so guilty in the Lords eyes.
Never once, have I been told by a woman's child that they love me.
Never once, have I had a woman's child run towards me with open arms.
Never once, have I been told "If I were you I'd run far and fast".
Never once, have I been broke up with multiple times by a woman.
Never once, have I heard a woman admit she wanted to die.
Never once, have I heard a woman call her daughter a "b...ch".
Never once, have I observed a woman lying to her daughter.
Never once, have I saw a woman lying to her mother.
Never once, have I not saw a woman hug her father, ever.
Never once, have I met a woman that never wanted to meet my friends.
Never once, have I been with a woman that drank more than me.
Never once, have I felt a person twitch all night long while they slept.
Never once, have I heard a voice mail of despair from a woman.
Never once, have I ever felt so insecure.
Never once, has a woman I've dated drove vehicles with severe hail damage.
Never once, have I observed a woman hanging laundry frequently.
Never once, has a woman I've dated forgot my birthday.
Never once, has a woman told me she wanted a partner in life, not a provider.
Never once, has a woman told me she was cutting methanphetamines when asked what pills she was cutting.
Never once, have I found empty bottles in the bedroom closet.
Never once, have I had a potential Mother-in-Law cry and cry when talking to me about her daughter.
Never once, have I been told a woman that I am a martyr and dysfunctional.
Never once, have I felt so spiritual when dating a woman.
Never once, have I been told to stay out of the life of a woman or legal action will occur.
Never once, have I ever ended a relationship with a woman that I loved.
Never once, have I ever been in love with an alcoholic or drug addict.
Never once, has a woman told me she loves me first.
Never once, have I sang in a car with a woman.
Never once, have I worshipped the Lord with a woman.
Never once, have I prayed with a woman.
Never once, have I heard such a beautiful singing voice.
Never once, have I met a woman and waited a year to meet her parents.
Never once, have I parked somewhere when meeting a woman at her house.
Never once, have I observed a woman sitting on the lap of a man.
Never once, have I been with a woman that desired other woman.
Never once, have I been so sexual with a woman.
Never once, have I felt so guilty in the Lords eyes.
Never once, have I been told by a woman's child that they love me.
Never once, have I had a woman's child run towards me with open arms.
Never once, have I been told "If I were you I'd run far and fast".
Never once, have I been broke up with multiple times by a woman.
Never once, have I heard a woman admit she wanted to die.
Never once, have I heard a woman call her daughter a "b...ch".
Never once, have I observed a woman lying to her daughter.
Never once, have I saw a woman lying to her mother.
Never once, have I not saw a woman hug her father, ever.
Never once, have I met a woman that never wanted to meet my friends.
Never once, have I been with a woman that drank more than me.
Never once, have I felt a person twitch all night long while they slept.
Never once, have I heard a voice mail of despair from a woman.
Never once, have I ever felt so insecure.
Never once, has a woman I've dated drove vehicles with severe hail damage.
Never once, have I observed a woman hanging laundry frequently.
Never once, has a woman I've dated forgot my birthday.
Never once, has a woman told me she wanted a partner in life, not a provider.
Never once, has a woman told me she was cutting methanphetamines when asked what pills she was cutting.
Never once, have I found empty bottles in the bedroom closet.
Never once, have I had a potential Mother-in-Law cry and cry when talking to me about her daughter.
Never once, have I been told a woman that I am a martyr and dysfunctional.
Never once, have I felt so spiritual when dating a woman.
Never once, have I been told to stay out of the life of a woman or legal action will occur.
Never once, have I ever ended a relationship with a woman that I loved.
Never once, have I ever been in love with an alcoholic or drug addict.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anywhere but here...
Posts: 227
How about a list of all the things you plan to do for YOU, all the good about you, all the wonderful things coming your way.
Life is short and sweet, it's precious and God WANTS to give you blessings and an abundant life! Why are you stopping Him?
Life is short and sweet, it's precious and God WANTS to give you blessings and an abundant life! Why are you stopping Him?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by tpen
Yes - this is about my ex.
Moving on...........just stating the facts.
Moving on...........just stating the facts.
Mine always banged on about how she and I had the same morals. Um, no, we don't. Mine painted a picture of how we would get married, raise a family, everything would be hunky dory. Slowly the truth came out, and it was an ugly one.
tpen - this person did not live up to her billing. I know it's shocking and hard to believe. I think taking an inventory such as this is helpful though - because it's helping you to outline the facts.
Now, the question is, do you love yourself enough to see through this dog's breakfast of craziness that you are better than that and deserve better?
I could make a similar list myself, but I use that as my means of standing firm and 'reforming the line' when I feel I am faltering. No matter what type of manipulation my ex A uses, I can always refer back to it.
You're lucky in a way because she hasn't come running back to you. I certainly hope that if she does you will have the courage to say, 'Get lost'.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Tpen, are you seeing a therapist? It might help you get past this obsession you have since you seem to be stuck. While it's true that we all handle these things differently and in our own time, it seems that you are truly stuck. While al-anon is helpful, perhaps a more one-on-one therapy course would be a better benefit.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
tpen, you can't dwell on this person forever - she's gone, you need to move on with your life. If I was in your position with no ties, I'd be doing cartwheels down the street and chatting up the first bit of skirt that I saw. (no offence to any of the ladies on here, but, you know, that's what men do when they need to move on - meet other women.) Have some fun dude! You're free of this disease!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anywhere but here...
Posts: 227
Duped,
No offense taken! It made me laugh! Good advice, one man to another. Moving on doesn't mean JUMPING into a new relationship. But it does MEAN showing interest in the opposite sex, and looking for an opportunity to meet new people!
No offense taken! It made me laugh! Good advice, one man to another. Moving on doesn't mean JUMPING into a new relationship. But it does MEAN showing interest in the opposite sex, and looking for an opportunity to meet new people!
today4me
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 311
I am seeing a therapist, yes. Was for the last 6 months. Am i stuck? Yes. I'd rather be stuck and heal slowly then go out and find another woman, drink, lay in the bed, or keep all of this inside. I'm here on this site to express myself, I hurt. Encouragement is welcome and loved. However, sometimes all we want when we post threads like this is acknowledgement of our hurt.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by IamSaved
Duped,
No offense taken! It made me laugh! Good advice, one man to another. Moving on doesn't mean JUMPING into a new relationship. But it does MEAN showing interest in the opposite sex, and looking for an opportunity to meet new people!
No offense taken! It made me laugh! Good advice, one man to another. Moving on doesn't mean JUMPING into a new relationship. But it does MEAN showing interest in the opposite sex, and looking for an opportunity to meet new people!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
Originally Posted by tpen
I am seeing a therapist, yes. Was for the last 6 months. Am i stuck? Yes. I'd rather be stuck and heal slowly then go out and find another woman, drink, lay in the bed, or keep all of this inside. I'm here on this site to express myself, I hurt. Encouragement is welcome and loved. However, sometimes all we want when we post threads like this is acknowledgement of our hurt.
Me, I'm just happy to not be in a dysfunctional relationship with someone who never showed me love properly. A's don't feel love like we do. It's something much more self serving to them. They are too busy being parasitic from people's life force to feel love.
I just concentrate on family and friends now myself. For the first time ever in my life, I am not desperate to be in a relationship. I feel like my own man now. It's a wonderful feeling. Because when you are desperate than any relationship you enter would be created by need, and that's a bad thing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anywhere but here...
Posts: 227
Originally Posted by tpen
I am seeing a therapist, yes. Was for the last 6 months. Am i stuck? Yes. I'd rather be stuck and heal slowly then go out and find another woman, drink, lay in the bed, or keep all of this inside. I'm here on this site to express myself, I hurt. Encouragement is welcome and loved. However, sometimes all we want when we post threads like this is acknowledgement of our hurt.
I think you are taking this the wrong way.
No one here is telling you to jump into bed with another woman.
There is a difference between healing, moving on in a healthy way, pursuing new friendships and relationships, and jumping back into another dysfunctional relationship with an addict. Or bedding down another woman because you are lonely. Those things are destructive and in NO WAY a means of healing in a healthy way.
Your posts are always about her. About what she was to you. What she 'filled' in you. I know that YOU know the only one that can fill you up is God, and his abundant, amazing, unfailing love.
Step back a moment, and realize that we have ALL been hurt. We have all relapsed, we have all gone through the pain of loving an addicted person. No one here is judging you, nor telling you that your healing process is wrong. All we are trying to point out, is that this has got to start being about you. About YOUR healing. Staying stuck does not promote healing in any way. It's time, tpen, beloved, to move forward. To get your tires out of the mud, and get UNSTUCK.
And that does NOT mean jumping into another relationship with another woman. It means getting unstuck enough to pursue your relationship in God, with friends, with family and stop the madness she has you stuck in!
Blessings and prayers for you, my brother in Christ!
~~Linda~~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 394
You are letting her have too much power over you tpen - you haven't seen her or had contact in weeks or even months, and yet she still owns you. That must be a real blow to your pride - take your pride back, hold your head high - you did nothing but right by this person and she flogged you for it. You will not let her have this power over you any longer - you are better than that!
Develop some anger towards her if you must. Some contempt - stick up for yourself because if you do not than she will continue to win.
I am not totally apart from my ex A because we have a child together, but she now knows she cannot get to me - only if I let her.
I love not being in a relationship and I never thought I would hear myself say that. Life has so very much to offer.
You have it in you tpen - you are a strong man. Be that man and be done with this once and for all. Go out and be a man and good things will come to you, I guarantee it.
Develop some anger towards her if you must. Some contempt - stick up for yourself because if you do not than she will continue to win.
I am not totally apart from my ex A because we have a child together, but she now knows she cannot get to me - only if I let her.
I love not being in a relationship and I never thought I would hear myself say that. Life has so very much to offer.
You have it in you tpen - you are a strong man. Be that man and be done with this once and for all. Go out and be a man and good things will come to you, I guarantee it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by tpen
I am seeing a therapist, yes. Was for the last 6 months. Am i stuck? Yes. I'd rather be stuck and heal slowly then go out and find another woman, drink, lay in the bed, or keep all of this inside. I'm here on this site to express myself, I hurt. Encouragement is welcome and loved. However, sometimes all we want when we post threads like this is acknowledgement of our hurt.
In the meantime... (for me) I found this article helpful.
7 STAGES OF GRIEF
The final stage model we have included is the "7 stages of grief".
Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.
For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.
Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".
Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.
For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.
Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".
Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
7 Stages of Grief...
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.
2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.
5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
I just read a great quote yesterday: "Never once have I met a man that I couldn't live without." (Woman, in your case, tpen.)
I think sometimes you just need time to heal. But it also helps to fill your life with things that are YOU, that propel you forward to the YOU that you want to be. What are you doing with your spare time to make your spirit feel joy?
I totally feel you on not wanting to date. I am not even going there until I know my picker is fixed.
I've been trying to spend time dating myself. It's fun. I cook myself fancy dinners and take long walks on the beach with myself.
I think sometimes you just need time to heal. But it also helps to fill your life with things that are YOU, that propel you forward to the YOU that you want to be. What are you doing with your spare time to make your spirit feel joy?
I totally feel you on not wanting to date. I am not even going there until I know my picker is fixed.
I've been trying to spend time dating myself. It's fun. I cook myself fancy dinners and take long walks on the beach with myself. Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Anywhere but here...
Posts: 227
Originally Posted by wanting
I've been trying to spend time dating myself. It's fun. I cook myself fancy dinners and take long walks on the beach with myself.
Did you ever see the movie 'Runaway Bride'? Julia Roberts and Richard Gere...*sigh* Every man needs to learn to kiss a woman like Richard Gere does...but I digress!
Anyway, EVERY man she was ever engaged to, she ran from. She took on HIS habits, HIS favorite things, HIS identity, and never had one of her own. Richard Gere's character asks her how she likes her eggs, and she says, How do you like YOURS?
She finally comes to the conclusion, at the end, she needs to FIND HERSELF FIRST! She decides what she likes, what she needs, what she wants, and is confident in that choice!
Date yourself, find out what you love to do. Read some books, take a walk, join a gym, do martial arts, take a cooking class, go to church, get involved in helping others. What makes YOU happy. Once you figure that out, others will flock to you, and want to be with you!
Now, get to it!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 545
Originally Posted by wanting
I totally feel you on not wanting to date. I am not even going there until I know my picker is fixed. I've been trying to spend time dating myself. It's fun. I cook myself fancy dinners and take long walks on the beach with myself.
I've been trying to spend time dating myself. It's fun. I cook myself fancy dinners and take long walks on the beach with myself.
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