Can a codie develop PTSD??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 83
Can a codie develop PTSD??
If you are involved with an alcoholic for a long time (5years for me and my boyfriend; a lifetime with my father) can this cause you to develop PTSD.
My dad never beat me...he just left when I was child and denied my brother and I...
My boyfriend on the other hand....well, our relationship was somewhat violent (pushing shoving choking)...I had never been through anything like it in my entire life...
He's not drinking as much as he used to and the violence has stopped, but I still get angry and pissed off at him, when he does anything that reminds me of his drunk self....
I know I need to get out once and for all, and I know this decision is ALL up to me...but I just wanted to know if codies develop PTSD, because I'm pretty sure that's whats going on with me....
Any insight would be awesome! Thanks guys! <3
My dad never beat me...he just left when I was child and denied my brother and I...
My boyfriend on the other hand....well, our relationship was somewhat violent (pushing shoving choking)...I had never been through anything like it in my entire life...
He's not drinking as much as he used to and the violence has stopped, but I still get angry and pissed off at him, when he does anything that reminds me of his drunk self....
I know I need to get out once and for all, and I know this decision is ALL up to me...but I just wanted to know if codies develop PTSD, because I'm pretty sure that's whats going on with me....
Any insight would be awesome! Thanks guys! <3
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 581
Dear Emerald, maybe you should see your doctor.
I spoke with my GP about 2 years ago because I felt as though I had signs of PTSD as well. My memory was really going, quickly, all of a sudden. I couldn't think of things. I felt dread and doom at night and on the weekends and in general. I developed twitches - once in my eyelid, once in my upper lip.
Since I left my XAH, the symptoms have faded. My stomach aches disappeared completely. My memory seems better. I am not as nervous or anxious or depressed. I also take Trazadone which may help a bit (it is very mild but also helps sleep.)
If you are in an abusive relationship, I pray you find the strength to leave. Do you attend Al Anon at least?
In any case, seeing a doctor or therapist is a good start if you feel like you are falling apart from being involved with an alcoholic.
All my best,
Soph
I spoke with my GP about 2 years ago because I felt as though I had signs of PTSD as well. My memory was really going, quickly, all of a sudden. I couldn't think of things. I felt dread and doom at night and on the weekends and in general. I developed twitches - once in my eyelid, once in my upper lip.
Since I left my XAH, the symptoms have faded. My stomach aches disappeared completely. My memory seems better. I am not as nervous or anxious or depressed. I also take Trazadone which may help a bit (it is very mild but also helps sleep.)
If you are in an abusive relationship, I pray you find the strength to leave. Do you attend Al Anon at least?
In any case, seeing a doctor or therapist is a good start if you feel like you are falling apart from being involved with an alcoholic.
All my best,
Soph
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 136
Yes you sure can I did for about 3 months after I made my ExABF leave. I finally had a break down one morning and went to the doctor. Started Lexipro for the anxiety and panic attacks. I'm a new person now.
I could not think straight, I was obsessed with how he had treated me, that is all I could think about. I was anxious all the time, sad, crying ALL the time. I was a mess. I found these symtoms online. Hope this helps and just take care of yourself.
Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:
1. Repeated "reliving" of the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity
Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
Recurrent distressing memories of the event
Repeated dreams of the event
Physical reactions to situations that remind you of the traumatic event
2. Avoidance
Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don’t care about anything
Feelings of detachment
Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
Lack of interest in normal activities
Less expression of moods
Staying away from places, people, or objects that remind you of the event
Sense of having no future
3. Arousal
Difficulty concentrating
Exaggerated response to things that startle you
Excess awareness (hypervigilance)
Irritability or outbursts of anger
Sleeping difficulties
You also might feel a sense of guilt about the event (including "survivor guilt"), and the following symptoms, which are typical of anxiety, stress, and tension:
Agitation, or excitability
Dizziness
Fainting
Feeling your heart beat in your chest (palpitations)
Fever
Headache
Paleness
I could not think straight, I was obsessed with how he had treated me, that is all I could think about. I was anxious all the time, sad, crying ALL the time. I was a mess. I found these symtoms online. Hope this helps and just take care of yourself.
Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:
1. Repeated "reliving" of the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity
Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again
Recurrent distressing memories of the event
Repeated dreams of the event
Physical reactions to situations that remind you of the traumatic event
2. Avoidance
Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don’t care about anything
Feelings of detachment
Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
Lack of interest in normal activities
Less expression of moods
Staying away from places, people, or objects that remind you of the event
Sense of having no future
3. Arousal
Difficulty concentrating
Exaggerated response to things that startle you
Excess awareness (hypervigilance)
Irritability or outbursts of anger
Sleeping difficulties
You also might feel a sense of guilt about the event (including "survivor guilt"), and the following symptoms, which are typical of anxiety, stress, and tension:
Agitation, or excitability
Dizziness
Fainting
Feeling your heart beat in your chest (palpitations)
Fever
Headache
Paleness
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I was never diagnosed with PTSD, but I will say that for several months following my separation from my XABF, I had physical symptoms (high anxiety, racing heart, restlessness, confusion, headaches, stomach upset) at very specific times of the day.
I was safe, in limited contact with him by phone only and then no contact within a month, and in daily contact with suuportive family and friends. I had concerns, of course, but I did not fear him and I had not suffered any physical abuse.
When I investigated things further I did realize that these feelings occurred at times during the day when he would be arriving home after work if he had no money for booze, angry and looking for a fight or when he would be arriving home late having been out drinking and would be intoxicated and unstable.
I was able to work through these feelings once I identified the source and in time they passed.
I do believe I suffered a level of PTSD. It is entirely plausible and understandable given the rollercoaster of emotional stress I lived with for so many years. I believe I was blessed in not needing more than my faith and the support of my family to work through it.
Never hesitate with your health. If you find your feelings disturbing or distruptive to your life, please seek out help. There is no need to suffer needlessly....Ever!!
Wishing you well.
Alice
I was safe, in limited contact with him by phone only and then no contact within a month, and in daily contact with suuportive family and friends. I had concerns, of course, but I did not fear him and I had not suffered any physical abuse.
When I investigated things further I did realize that these feelings occurred at times during the day when he would be arriving home after work if he had no money for booze, angry and looking for a fight or when he would be arriving home late having been out drinking and would be intoxicated and unstable.
I was able to work through these feelings once I identified the source and in time they passed.
I do believe I suffered a level of PTSD. It is entirely plausible and understandable given the rollercoaster of emotional stress I lived with for so many years. I believe I was blessed in not needing more than my faith and the support of my family to work through it.
Never hesitate with your health. If you find your feelings disturbing or distruptive to your life, please seek out help. There is no need to suffer needlessly....Ever!!
Wishing you well.
Alice
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
I began having Angina attacks, finally having up to 5 a day, and was diagnosed with Stress induced Angina, but Drs couldn't work out what was causing the stress.
I didn't tell them about the misery, hell and pain of having a full blown bingeing Alkie in one's life, until I had a real bad one and thought I was dying. Finally told I had been in the grip of PTSD, and it needed to be addressed.
RABF was warned of the consequences for me, of his behavior....also told by me that I would leave him to it if he drank again. He did, and I followed my promise to walk out, and went NC for quite a while. I came here to SR, and stayed out of his life and business and let him do whatever he needed for himself, by himself.
Prayer, meditation and SR, have given me peace and control over my life and how I want to live it.
God bless
I didn't tell them about the misery, hell and pain of having a full blown bingeing Alkie in one's life, until I had a real bad one and thought I was dying. Finally told I had been in the grip of PTSD, and it needed to be addressed.
RABF was warned of the consequences for me, of his behavior....also told by me that I would leave him to it if he drank again. He did, and I followed my promise to walk out, and went NC for quite a while. I came here to SR, and stayed out of his life and business and let him do whatever he needed for himself, by himself.
Prayer, meditation and SR, have given me peace and control over my life and how I want to live it.
God bless
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Oh yes, absolutely. 100%.
I am still dealing with it, and I've been separated from my AH for well over a year. Every contact with him (letters from his attorney or his attempts to contact friends and family) bring it back on.
The severity and length of those feelings are getting less though.
I am still dealing with it, and I've been separated from my AH for well over a year. Every contact with him (letters from his attorney or his attempts to contact friends and family) bring it back on.
The severity and length of those feelings are getting less though.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
I've been wondering the same thing about PTSD (whether I may have it). I've been reading a lot about abandonment lately and was surprised to learn that it is possible for people who have suffered abandonment to develop PTSD. I see a lot of my symptoms in the three categories above; I hate to self-diagnose, and haven't talked to a professional about PTSD yet.
Has anyone here ever experienced adrenaline overdrive -- the kind where it just won't shut down, sometimes for an hour or two? I am finding that when I have any kinds of thoughts about my XABF, OR anytime I think about my abandonment by my XAF or XAH, the adrenaline rush takes over my scalp and runs down the sides of my neck and across the tops of my arms -- it feels like a dull burn in my nerve endings.
I have asked my counselor who has a medical background about it, as well as my close friend who is an RN -- neither of them has ever had a patient describe something similar. I just know that it is completely associated with my fear of abandonment, and it doesn't go away unless I am thinking about something completley different. It kicks in when I am reading about abandonment, and it is happening right now, in fact.
Has anyone here ever experienced adrenaline overdrive -- the kind where it just won't shut down, sometimes for an hour or two? I am finding that when I have any kinds of thoughts about my XABF, OR anytime I think about my abandonment by my XAF or XAH, the adrenaline rush takes over my scalp and runs down the sides of my neck and across the tops of my arms -- it feels like a dull burn in my nerve endings.
I have asked my counselor who has a medical background about it, as well as my close friend who is an RN -- neither of them has ever had a patient describe something similar. I just know that it is completely associated with my fear of abandonment, and it doesn't go away unless I am thinking about something completley different. It kicks in when I am reading about abandonment, and it is happening right now, in fact.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: At my computer
Posts: 28
I definately think it is possible. My husband has been sober for 5 months now and there are certain situations, songs, smells that bring back very painful memories and when these memories emerge I sometimes feel as if I am having a panic attack. I myself am still trying to figure out how to deal with these situations.
I also want to say to please take care of yourself. It concerns me that you say you have been choked, shoved etc.....No one deserves to be treated that way.
I also want to say to please take care of yourself. It concerns me that you say you have been choked, shoved etc.....No one deserves to be treated that way.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Yes I wrote about this in post a while back...catsnpajamas gave me some insight into her experiences with it.
I never experienced physical violence with axbf,
but you can bet I still question whether anyone is ever telling the truth. i.e. the woman i babysit for says" okay I'm going to the store ..see ya later" and my immediate response is to think is she really going to the store?
and you can bet everytime I'm on campus I'm constantly looking around and over my shoulder (ex stalked for quite sometime) oh, but he made it look like it was by chance....except for the one time he literally followed me into another building and then let it slip one drunken day how he enjoyed watching me.
What it comes down to, is that these people are SICK. Depression, other mental disorders, ALCOHOLISM...Whatever the diagnosis...it can most certainly traumatize you and especially if you are subjected to physical violence.
I know it feels like you've heard it all before, but really you should explore why you AREN'T leaving.
Its nice to hear he currently isn't doing those things, but I can only hope it will stay that way for you. Of course you are still mad, you are most likely being triggered. And I can bet you've still got a lot of pent up resentment. Thta's not to say without reason. OKay so maybe he's grown, but have you?
We've been there. Take care, be strong.
I never experienced physical violence with axbf,
but you can bet I still question whether anyone is ever telling the truth. i.e. the woman i babysit for says" okay I'm going to the store ..see ya later" and my immediate response is to think is she really going to the store?
and you can bet everytime I'm on campus I'm constantly looking around and over my shoulder (ex stalked for quite sometime) oh, but he made it look like it was by chance....except for the one time he literally followed me into another building and then let it slip one drunken day how he enjoyed watching me.
What it comes down to, is that these people are SICK. Depression, other mental disorders, ALCOHOLISM...Whatever the diagnosis...it can most certainly traumatize you and especially if you are subjected to physical violence.
I know it feels like you've heard it all before, but really you should explore why you AREN'T leaving.
Its nice to hear he currently isn't doing those things, but I can only hope it will stay that way for you. Of course you are still mad, you are most likely being triggered. And I can bet you've still got a lot of pent up resentment. Thta's not to say without reason. OKay so maybe he's grown, but have you?
We've been there. Take care, be strong.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I just want to say thank you ES, for starting this thread. And thank to everyone who has contributed. Even though I haven't said much, it has really got me thinking about my own fear and triggers. I think I will start a thread later after I've had some time to process my insights. This is a really big topic.
L
L
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: NJ
Posts: 197
I too would like to say thanks to ES for this thread and to everyone who has shared their experience.
My experience is slightly different but the same...
I am an acao with codie tendancies; I grew up with AF and Narcissistic mother. To cope, I dissociated - I was numb for 45 years. Last year, my wall of denial was punched through and piece by piece the wall is coming down.
Currently I am back "under threat" not by AF/NM but just by normal life stresses - dh job under threat, no money, worried about paying mortgage, etc. The PTSD and fear is insane - completely out of proportion and inappropriate for the current problems. My reactions are not those of a mature adult but those of an abused child.
Will be following this thread and LTDs thread with interest as I agree this is a huge area. Thanks again everyone, IWTHxxx
My experience is slightly different but the same...
I am an acao with codie tendancies; I grew up with AF and Narcissistic mother. To cope, I dissociated - I was numb for 45 years. Last year, my wall of denial was punched through and piece by piece the wall is coming down.
Currently I am back "under threat" not by AF/NM but just by normal life stresses - dh job under threat, no money, worried about paying mortgage, etc. The PTSD and fear is insane - completely out of proportion and inappropriate for the current problems. My reactions are not those of a mature adult but those of an abused child.
Will be following this thread and LTDs thread with interest as I agree this is a huge area. Thanks again everyone, IWTHxxx
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I identify with alot on this post. I had an abusive A father and codependent mother. I married an alcoholic. I defiinitely had PTSD. My hair would fall out, had the sleepless nights, the eye twitch, grinding my teeth......am divorced now with no contact so it is better. Been divorced 3 yrs. but can look back and see the effects......the verbal abuse was like being pecked to death by a buzzard.......
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