WizeDeb

Hello ladies,

Its been 4 months since AH passed, prior we were separated, Couple of months before the separation I started going out and seeing my friends. For a very long time I didnt accept inviations to parties becuase I knew by the end of the night I would be embarresed by his behavior.

So recently my daughter and I have been accepting invitations and going out with our friends. Or both of us hang out separatly. This weekend was alot of fun. Two parties (Im beat..lol) I even had a couple drinks, now sitting here at work Im feeling guilty for having a good time. Its been like I was let out of prison or something. Or I feel as tho I should be mourning more. All of my friends know the situation, and are happy even joyfull to see me come back around.

Does this seem normal to you gals? I know in time things will feel somewhat normal again, but Im not forcing the normal any more. Just letting it set its own pace. Looking forward to your replys

nodaybut2day

well, I'm no expert here, but in my limited experience, grief can come back at anytime and for any reason. You can process a major part of the grief, then find yourself in a more peaceful state of mind, ready to enjoy life's little pleasures, and then a year or two later, you're dealing with another portion of the grief. So, give yourself permission to enjoy the present happiness! I'm not saying or predicting that you'll be drowning in grief later on, but it's been known to happen.

WizeDeb

I just re read my Fridays post. I was really in high sprits, sometimes these thoughts just nag and nag at me.

tjp613

Awww, Deb. (((Hugs)))

I'm not anything close to a certified grief counselor, nor do I play one on TV, but it seems to me that
a) there is no right or wrong way to mourn -- everyone mourns in their own special way. Mourning him "more" isn't going to change anything or anyone's perspective.
b) getting out with your friends is a healthy thing ALWAYS!
c) living your life on your terms and doing what makes YOU fulfilled is a healthy thing, too.
d) feeling "guilty" sounds like Class-A Co-dependent thinking to me, so just keep doing that NEW thing which is flexing those self-care muscles! It's gonna feel a little weird at first.

Now try this deep breathing exercise:
Breathe IN Love of Self and Healing
Breathe OUT useless guilt and remorse
Breathe IN Love of Self and Healing
Breathe OUT useless guilt and remorse
Breathe IN Love of Self and Healing
Breathe OUT useless guilt and remorse

Good job!

Jazzman

In the last several years I have really come to appreciate the fine art of, and benefits of relaxing. I find that spending good times relaxing with good friends has a therapeutic value that can't be underestimated. While married to Mel social settings were normally cause for concern and were NOT relaxing. It's good to be back in the saddle again enjoying the reason we keep and hang out with good friends. Embrace it, it's a good thing.