Jenny1232

that the loved one in your life was an Addict?

Why, I'm constantly in denial, I'm not sure. I don't believe he's truly an alcoholic.. but, he HAS to be.

I must be too...

What was YOUR pattern in your relationship?

When did the lightbulb turn on?

What reinforced your belief when you had doubts?

nodaybut2day

...finding SR and accepting that no matter what the "label" was--whether AH was a brown spotted cow or a "functional alcoholic" or whatever, *I* had a problem with his drinking and THAT was enough. Whether he drank 2 liters of beer a day, or 1 bottle of Jack Daniels every 2 days, or WHATEVER, it didn't matter. What mattered was me and my inherent problem with his drinking.

When I accepted that it was ok for me to have a problem with his drinking, then I started to ask myself what I was going to do and if I was willing to continue to be in a relationship with a man who not only blew all our cash on booze and cigarettes, but also regularly treated me like less than human and would NEVER be the partner I had dreamed of being with.

Eventually, I knew I HAD to make a move, especially when he slammed his fists repeatedly on the kitchen table, trembling all over, yelling at me at the top of his lungs that he was being victimized by the government, while I was holding our infant daughter. That began it all.

I still don't know what "kind" of alcoholic he is, but I do get confirmation that I made the right choice when I see his teenage son take down a large bin full of empty bottles down to the trash, or when I receive drunken texts, voicemails or emails.

So, it's not about your addict Jenny. It's about you. What are you willing to accept?

Duped

I realised when mine dropped to about 98 lbs., became very sickly and had to go into rehab. Which obviously wasn't enough to scare her straight as she merely went through the motions of recovery and began drinking again in the open not long after coming out.

alanonicnov2008

When I had to call the cops because he was calling me incessantly for 24 hours, took a break when he must have passed out, and immediately started calling the minute he woke up again.

rki84

...When he'd talk about quitting but couldn't actually do it. Drinking every night, even with me, a non drinker. Hearing how worried he was about himself, knowing what it takes to admit to YOURSELF that youre an alcoholic, let alone to someone else.
...The pattern is him constantly yo-yoing between he has a problem & that he's not "that bad".
..the "light bulb" finally turned on last week.
...still working on reinforcing myself when I have doubts.

ksumm77

I would also recommend that you attend open AA meetings and also Al Anon meetings. I have a background in working with alcoholics/ addicts, so I knew all the signs to be aware of. However, when I met my husband, that all went out the door and even though the signs were there, I was so caught up in "love". Once we moved in together and I actually saw the drinking and the patterns and the lies, I knew for sure he was an alcoholic. Then when he got the DUI 3 days before we got married, he finally hit his bottom. He had to be able to admit to himself that he's an alcoholic, which he can now do. Before he was able to admit, it did not matter how many times I told him I was concerned about his drinking and that he needed help. I see now that at that time, I needed a lot of the help!

rki84

ksumm,

my boyfriend regularly admits he's an alcoholic. He's been admitting it for the last 3 years or so, but that's as far as it goes. I tried to tell him that doesn't make it any better - he still drinks KNOWINGLY so in fact, it may be even worse as someone who refuses to admit it to himself. So frustrating.

Blackkat

I realized my sister was when she was in the hospital a year ago, weighing 106lbs at 5 foot 9 inches! The doctors said she had neuropathy caused by alcoholism, and yet she continued to drink, lost her marriage, and her apartment and continued to drink. She would walk with a cane down to the corner store to buy her vodka, yet claimed she was in too much pain to take a bath!

Wanttobefree

We see what we want to see. Believe what we want to believe. It hurts too much otherwise, and then we are forced to make decisions. Are you happy? Content? Relaxed? Can you see friends and family without guilt or snide comments? Do you walk on eggshells? Believe it or not, the 'Lightbulb' turned on for me when my AH QUIT drinking after 27 years. The last 2 years of sobriety has let me heal enough to know the 27 years before that was insanity. I won't allow myself to be treated badly again. It's not worth it. I was so confused for so long. What a sad way to live and such a waste of time. (Just my situation)

Jenny1232

I can completely relate to this. Can you tell me, are you much happier now? How did you find, and manage the courage to leave?

Jenny1232

So I attempted to go to an alanon meeting today. I finally made that push, even though I'm freightend.

Well, the website lied. The only thing going on tonight at that church was line dancing.

Dang it, I was really looking forward to it...

CatLover1234

This statement is so true for many relationships and I can also completely relate to it as it describes exactly where my head is right now. I'm still working on the strength to say goodbye to my RA, it's the "hurt" I know I will feel that stops me every time.

Seren

Well, our situation is a bit different in that my stepson is the addict in our lives (Mr. HG and I). I tried very hard not to get involved, but I was full of "helpful" suggestions from the beginning. Finally after attending a few Al-Anon meetings (our home group is a delight), I realized I had to step back and let my then fiance deal with what he was willing to accept on his own. For Mr. HG, I think it was the combination of his son's stealing, threatening to kill 3 different family members, and saying all kinds of horrible things about his own mother (Mr. HG's late wife--also an A).

We went no contact. Now, we let his son deal with life on life's terms. We hope and pray that someday he will find recovery. We turn him over to his HP every day.

I hope that your evening will be better! Hugs, HG

Jenny1232

Thanks

Best of luck to you all with your A's.

catlover, the pain is scary. We've all been there, time and time again. We all know, we get past it.. and it does get easier. We need that initial push... I'm so scared.

Still Waters

What are you scared of Jenny?

Jenny1232

well honestly, I'm scared of being alone. I've been so dependent on men since I was thirteen. I don't really know how to be alone. I'm scared to not feel loved. To not be held. To not be desired. To not kiss someone hello and goodbye everyday. I treasure and adore those things.

I'm a love addict.

Trying2Fly

When it started, about 12 years ago, I tried to save her from herself. And then it became clear that she had a problem.

ksumm77

It is frustrating. I don't know if any of you are familiar with the stages of change. If not, take a look Stages Of Change . Maybe that can also help with understanding. Not that it makes it any easier, though.

Jenny1232

Oooh, thank you for that reminder. I used this when I was in recovery from bulimia.. this could really be a useful tool again. I'd say I'm between preparation and action!!!

IamSaved

Jenny

I knew it was time to go when I could no longer hide my anger, disdain and disgust at his choice of the booze over me.

As painful as it was at the time, my life is SO peaceful now. No binge drinking weekends, no embarrassment at family functions. I don't walk on eggshells in my own home. I have contentment, peace and the love of God, friends and family.

Life out of the hurricane is SO MUCH BETTER than being in the eye of the storm, with the chaos all around you.

I understand the fear of change, of the unknown. But the fear of STAYING STUCK in a situation where there was no happy ending..I'll take this fear over that any day!

Prayers to you...and blessings in your future! Please continue to read, post and share! :ghug3