Insulated

when i found needles. that did it for me. the cops always being at my house made it pretty clear. but definitely finding needles.

Jenny1232

This post is very inspirational to me. Your first sentence, is exactly where I stand. All weekend, I tried to hide my disgust and anger. He clearly saw it. I looked at him, and I did not like who I saw, as he sipped his beer. It just disgusted me entirely.

It's so great to hear how peaceful you are now. In fact, I can forsee that for me. Most definitely. I know I'd have peace and contentment.. it's the initial pain and heartache I'm scared of. BUT, I'm already experiencing both... I guess I just get to sometimes, feel the love the inner child in me always desired.

I like your analogy of being in the eye of the storm - that is exactly it. Apparently, taking off on weekends, and blowing someone off, is typical of an alcoholic?

Duped

Jenny - re-read that post. I too was at that place and once I realised that all the drama was no good for me, and that it wasn't going away, something kicked in - self preservation. I realised that love cannot overcome one's instinct for survival. Now whether I felt real love for this person or just pity is up for debate, but whatever feelings I thought that I had at this point for this person vanished into thin air almost over night and I never looked back since. My mother still marvels at how that happened as she was a big advocate of me leaving this particular situation.

IamSaved

I no longer wanted to live with someone that was happy in the storm, making a mess of his life AND mine.

I have my moments where I miss him. But they pass quickly. When I see the chaos that others live in, or have lived through, I often question 'Why me? Why was I saved from the madness?" It wasn't easy, it was scary, it was the unknown of what would happen IF I left him. I was more worried about HIM than me!

I am 3 months out of it now, no contact. He has not come after me, and for that I feel grateful and blessed. God has answered that prayer with a very firm NO!

Jenny, do not be afraid of the unknown. Assess your situation, and ask yourself if this is REALLY the life you want to live. You must accept the addict as they are, RIGHT NOW, and realize they will never change. If you can live with that, then have at him. If you cannot, then you must make the difficult and painful decision to leave him, and give him teh dignity to live his life his way. Whatever that is.

I thought it meant he chose the booze over me. And that was hard. But in the end, I realized that I CHOSE ME over the booze. I chose me. He didn't. My self worth, self esteem and abundant life and future were NOT with him.

HopesandDreams

I knew my husband drank but what made me realize there was a HUGE problem was when I found piles/mountains of bottles stashed behind strange places like my wash machine. It was then I knew it was serious. You are doing the right thing by getting help for yourself. Do try again to make it to the Alanon meeting.

ElegantlyWasted

I always knew with my current girlfriend. We were both partiers with a shared instant gratification mindset. I dried out after about a year ago after we had been together about six months. Since then I have relearned how to have long term goals, as well as how to achieve them. Currently she is trying to "moderate". As best I can figure out I am still in love with her and want thing to work out. I keep reasonably healthy boundaries, and let her fight her own struggles. I believe she needs to bottom on her own and is close. She may be about to loose her commercial property. Which I think is a good thng. Like alot of other addicts she over mortgaged at the peek of the bubble and basically partied with the cash. The good thing is that she has a successful business that works without owning the underlying realestate, and will be fine financially. I'm now aware of how the addictive mindset affects all areas of ou lives; and she is on the cusp of figuring it out for herself. I have also come to believe that "leading a horse to water, but you can't make him/her drink" is the best way to give a real recovery a chance.