Talking in circles
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 13
Talking in circles
I swear the saying "talking to the bottle" is how I feel when I talk to my AH (supposedly sober). I say my peace and all he says is "Yes". hahahah.. pretty much means he can't fathom a thing and doesn't really GET it.He says he hasn't 'beat me', or 'set the house on fire', and that the fact that he's a lier and a sneak (are the same card?!) and that I can't play that card. He says he's a 'good' guy 
He has been out of the house for 2 months now and is still saying/acting like things are all hunky dory. He's even spent a few Sat./Sun. over the house watching our 9 month old son (supervised of course!) and been sober. I've seen glimpses of his old self. (but even that I don't remember). and it just makes me sad. Because reality keeps slapping me in the face, I enjoy the sober times but I KNOW he's not reached his bottom yet and is just being sober because I have set boundaries that he's not allowed around me or his son otherwise. My heart just hurts - that's all.
He told me yesterday that marriages go through 'better' & 'worse' times. I.e. For better or worse. I told him we've been 'worse' since a month into our marriage. I realized today it was WAY before that but I had some pretty nice blinders and denial going on. And the things that he's done to hurt me really are not acceptable. HOW THE HECK am I still in love with him? So like that song (2am), "If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to", Please allow me to vent.
First month into our marriage (before I even KNEW about al anon, that he was an A and that I was/am an enabler) he called me from the city sloshed and told me he missed the train home. I went to go get him and he was just a mess. Then in the morning I found a receipt (on the floor!) from a strip club for $500!! WTH?! Come to find out he spent is on booze (DUH) but at the time I believed him and someone even reasoned with myself.. we were newly (June 2007) married maybe he was nervous?(anxiety much?) and he promised me he only kissed a girl. (?really - how was/am i ok with even that??) Blah.
Ok it's in the past but I'm just absorbing how much crap he's put me through and this is just the beginning.
Most recently he took a WITHDRAWAL out of his 401K to hide that he was drinking booze. (over $1K - lied an told me he loaned his sister the $) and it of course SLAMMED us with our Taxes.
Now I ask myself why oh why did I even agree to joint taxes?
OH and I only found out all this stuff (AND WAY MORE) because my HP showed me.. I was NOT looking.
I'm glad I've shown him the door but why oh why am I now STUCK to No Action?
I'm working on me and I have a sponsor, I go to 2-3-4 Al Anon F2F meetings a week and am trying not to beat myself up. But sometimes I just want to
his head (and MINE) against the wall.
Sorry this is so disjointed, I just needed to vent & get some of this out.
Thanks for reading. Please share you ESH, I could use some.
He has been out of the house for 2 months now and is still saying/acting like things are all hunky dory. He's even spent a few Sat./Sun. over the house watching our 9 month old son (supervised of course!) and been sober. I've seen glimpses of his old self. (but even that I don't remember). and it just makes me sad. Because reality keeps slapping me in the face, I enjoy the sober times but I KNOW he's not reached his bottom yet and is just being sober because I have set boundaries that he's not allowed around me or his son otherwise. My heart just hurts - that's all.
He told me yesterday that marriages go through 'better' & 'worse' times. I.e. For better or worse. I told him we've been 'worse' since a month into our marriage. I realized today it was WAY before that but I had some pretty nice blinders and denial going on. And the things that he's done to hurt me really are not acceptable. HOW THE HECK am I still in love with him? So like that song (2am), "If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to", Please allow me to vent.
First month into our marriage (before I even KNEW about al anon, that he was an A and that I was/am an enabler) he called me from the city sloshed and told me he missed the train home. I went to go get him and he was just a mess. Then in the morning I found a receipt (on the floor!) from a strip club for $500!! WTH?! Come to find out he spent is on booze (DUH) but at the time I believed him and someone even reasoned with myself.. we were newly (June 2007) married maybe he was nervous?(anxiety much?) and he promised me he only kissed a girl. (?really - how was/am i ok with even that??) Blah.
Ok it's in the past but I'm just absorbing how much crap he's put me through and this is just the beginning.
Most recently he took a WITHDRAWAL out of his 401K to hide that he was drinking booze. (over $1K - lied an told me he loaned his sister the $) and it of course SLAMMED us with our Taxes.
Now I ask myself why oh why did I even agree to joint taxes?
OH and I only found out all this stuff (AND WAY MORE) because my HP showed me.. I was NOT looking.
I'm glad I've shown him the door but why oh why am I now STUCK to No Action?
I'm working on me and I have a sponsor, I go to 2-3-4 Al Anon F2F meetings a week and am trying not to beat myself up. But sometimes I just want to
his head (and MINE) against the wall. Sorry this is so disjointed, I just needed to vent & get some of this out.
Thanks for reading. Please share you ESH, I could use some.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
It took me 5 years of relationship/marriage to accept the fact that my AH would always lie to me, whether drunk or sober, about *everything*. It's how he works...I think he's just unable to say anything honestly. Also, he has "Over-exaggeratitis"...as in EVERYTHING is bigger, more painful, more difficult and more unfair than it actually is. If you go back and read some of my previous posts, you'll see what I'm talking about...his lying is epic.
There's a French saying that really seems to apply to him:
"Il ment comme il respire" (he lies like he breathes).
Your anger and outrage and completely justified. Most of us don't meet new people and enter into new relationships asking ourselves "Is this person a pathological liar?", so when we're fooled, we feel silly, violated and yeah, pissed off. Eventually though, the outrage fades and you just come to expect that everything coming out of a specific person's mouth will be b.s.
There's a French saying that really seems to apply to him:
"Il ment comme il respire" (he lies like he breathes).
Your anger and outrage and completely justified. Most of us don't meet new people and enter into new relationships asking ourselves "Is this person a pathological liar?", so when we're fooled, we feel silly, violated and yeah, pissed off. Eventually though, the outrage fades and you just come to expect that everything coming out of a specific person's mouth will be b.s.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
coming here is a good start. it's a long journey, in my opinion, but worth it. especially when you consider the consequences!
i, too, loved my addict LONG after sane people would have thrown in the towel. i still do, yet have made the choice to disconnect myself, for my own emotional health.
you'll get there.
and....he's a good guy, but going to a strip club within a month of a wedding doesn't sound all that good to me. perhaps he conveniently forgot about that one.
i, too, loved my addict LONG after sane people would have thrown in the towel. i still do, yet have made the choice to disconnect myself, for my own emotional health.
you'll get there.
and....he's a good guy, but going to a strip club within a month of a wedding doesn't sound all that good to me. perhaps he conveniently forgot about that one.
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