atdawn

hello, left AH over two and a half months ago now. I am moving on, house is for sale and I am buying a new one. Kids are doing well. so, all is good.
Except ... when I go to sleep I frequently have a fear of dying.
Typically it is fear of cancer. I am about to quietly fall asleep when the word cancer springs to my mind and I feel scared for a few moments. then I calm myself down, telling myself this is silly and I am probably fine.
Wondering if this is off topic or not. Could this be some kind of psychological reaction to my life with him being over. At the same time, could this be that my body is trying to tell me something - I did not mention this to my doctor, seemed kind of silly. wondered what you guys think. anyone experienced anything like this??

tpen

Courage to post this and I thank you. It is something, definetely. Perhaps when this happens pick up the Bible and read the Word to obtain insight and to determine where this is coming from.

AchilleysTendon

Hello and welcome. Stress can raise it's ugly head in many ways! Having to deal with an AH can for some people raise a huge amount of stress. Which can lead to what you are describing . IMo I would call it a panic attack. For an AH who just quit drinking night time stress is huge. I would advise you see your doctor and tell him about the stress in your life, and then get a regular check up I gaurantee you will feel better!!!

WizeDeb

Yes very common, my daughter is suffering thru this. Stages of grief is whay my theripst tell us. You dream of being toghter has died, Grief plays alot of weird thoughts and aches and pains. Keep storng it will work out. HP has something in store for you

Kittyboo

I agree 100% with Achilley's....definitely speak with your doctor. I guarantee no qualified doctor is going to think your concerns are silly.

I personally haven't experienced the same feelings that you have, but if I were, I would just feel better to be safe. The doc's are here to help

Jadmack25

Speaking as a retired professional....go see your GP, have some tests, x-rays etc if you feel the need and get cleared of this cancer worry.
It is part of the accumulated stress you have, and also a darn nuisance, so the sooner you nip it in the bud, the better.

Have a good move into your new home, and I wish you a happy and loving life ahead of you all.

God bless

freefalling

Very common. Had it very badly. Kind of panic attack from prolonged stress. For me - antidepressants took care of it. Run some checks - to know that you are fine . It will become better.

sesh

I have same kind of fears, sometimes I even have all kind of symptoms, and it's happening to me every now and than, mostly when I can't take it any more. Every time I had check up at doctors, and each time it was just stress, but having a check up relieves me from my worries.
Lately I decided to leave my STBXAH, and the fears are back, it was quite bad for few days, I thought about it a lot, and realized where my fears are coming from. And this is what I came up with: Since my H is an A and thus not able to care for our kids properly, I'm terrified something might happen to me as it feels my kids will have noone. It comes from the pressure of myself being the only person in thier life they can count on, so the mere idea of me dying is giving me a panic attack. Even by writing this my hands started to shake.
So maybe you have same fears, and you're subconciently reacting to it in your dreams.

catlovermi

So long as they are not obsessive, completely incapacitating fears, I liken it to what happens to the other side of recovery - the drinking and using dreams addicts will often experience when they embark on recovery. (I like the slang term used in the rooms of recovery: "awfulizing" - and have learned that even by giving this phenomenon a term it helps me to see it as a thing my brain does to me that I have to manage, that I actually can manage it and apply tools to get it managed. It wants to look like something I have no control over, but this is a self-sabotage lie. Maybe I can't eliminate it, but I can step away and see it for what it is, and use tools to manage it.)

I think these types of fears bloom when we embark on change, and the fears pop up and haunt us in reaction to the unknown of change. The mind is not too comfortable with the unknown, really. Typically, it seems the fears that are presented are ones that, if they became real, would derail our end goal of the changes we are making.

I think we have to forge through them, perhaps with support, and get to the other side.

CLMI

atdawn

Thanks for all the replies. I guess I'll just tell the doctor for peace of mind...
Thing is, I do not feel stressed having left him, I felt much more stress being with him. The fear of what would happen to my kids if something happened to me ... I have had that for the past couple of years.