smacked

In an old job that I had, I was trained to refer women to the ER immediately if they had ever been choked after a woman died the day after being choked due to the swelling inside her throat.

You are the architect of your life..

I wish you safety and health.

I'm frightened for your innocent children.

hello-kitty

If nothing changes nothing changes...Why do you think he is worth putting up with the abuse?

I hope your kids are being taken care of. It's impossible to "save" an alcoholic and "save" your children at the same time. They are witnessing some pretty brutal stuff and they will repeat what they see the adults in their lives do.

littlefish

mentallyexh: I don't have much more to offer because you have gotten some great feedback but I was intrigued by one aspect of your post, and that is that a lot of the communicating that seems to be going on between your husband and you is via e-post.

One thing that e-post, facebook, sms's and whatever's do is remove that "real" aspect of communicating face to face.

Maybe you should eliminate that cyber communication stuff and focus on discussing things with him in real life? Would he have made that whiney remark to you about sleeping in the truck if he didn't have that comfortable buffer of electronic mail to pump up the drama? He probably would have felt like an idjut saying it to your face!

FreeingMyself

Thank you all for your thoughts.....and littlefish...he can't or won't communicate with me about his drinking or any other issue we may have. His way of communicating is telling me to stop bi###### and shut up. Then he gets very mean w/ his words and leaves. There is NO talking to him about anything real.

wicked

mentallyexh,

your title to this thread was :plz help me understand me.....

i guess i have no idea how to understand you. out of all the responses to your thread, the only one you answered was from littlefish about your inability to communicate with an abusive alcoholic.
do you understand why you want to communicate and engage with him all the time? do you know it is a waste of energy to speak to someone about their addictions until they have some recovery time?
calling you names and telling you to shut up is NOT communication it is verbal abuse.
are your children there to witness this abuse?
you are writing in the books of their lives (something i heard from dr phil, but it still works )
the girls will get the idea ingrained in their heads that it is okay to be abused physically and emotionally by a useless lying alcoholic. Why? Because Mom did it, and they know no better.
the boys are learning that men don't need to be supportive partners, only big cry babies who drink to solve problems and lash out at the weaker people because he can.
if you used the energy you expend trying to "communicate" with this worthless fool on your children instead, you will all come out a winner.

i dont know how you grew up, but i grew up with an abusive alcoholic and a depressed mother who did little if anything to protect us.
if you think the kids are too young to remember these things, i am telling you from experience that i remember some very bad times, back to when i was 3 years old. I am 51 now.
Please get away from the addict, if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your children. You will never regret it.

Beth