Disappointed2

I have been married for 14 years to someone I love, but to someone who is an alcohol abuser. I didn't realize this until after we were married. Now with three young kids, I am seeking advice: I researched about living with alcoholics, and most say not to try to intervene or enable, the user will hit his own bottom. I have found myself emabarrased by his addiction and cannot invite couples over to enjoy a glass of wine or watch a movie because my spouse gets overly excited and decides he deserves to drink all he wants. He drinks every day when he comes home from work..., never misses a day, and starts around 1pm on weekends. A glass or two of wine, then 3-4 glasses of liquor over ice. Also, I havn't told any close friends he's addicted, although I am sure they suspect since I make excuses for not joining them for dinners etc. Should I say, "Sorry, he's still an alcoholic and unpredictabl"?. I am trying to save my reputation. "What is a girl like that doing with an overweight alcoholic like him" That is what I am feeling like. He is kind, intelligent, fun and has a great job. He interacts with the kids, but when it's drinking time, I can't stand to be near him. When does this cycle end? He does not harm any of us- he just drinks to get into a zone and relieve back pain. He is 58.
I keep thinking 'I don't want to take care of his health issues 10 years from now because of his bad choices'. I have tried to ask him to cut back, and it lasts for a week or so- down to three glasses. Can anyone give me real advice? My mind races at 3am thinking I need to ask for a separation, but then that would just reek havoc with the kids and legistics about who lives where etc.

Jazzman

Welcome to SR, here you will find a lot of people that are/have been in your shoes. Here's a good sticky from the "best of" section I like to share with newcomers. I followed each suggestion as if my sanity depended on it. I hope it helps you as much as it did me. Keep posting!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2051022

Hadassah

Welcome to SR. You will find many kind people here, who will help all they can to make what you are going through a little more bearable. I come here almost everyday, just to get some comfort that I am not alone in this. You are not alone anymore.
I too, am married to an alcoholic. Although we are no longer living in the same house, (he moved out in march), it is still painful. He still texts my kids while drunk and causes them pain, and all the decisions I am having to make regarding divorce are very difficult.
We have been married almost 20 years. Its not easy to live with an active A.
Do you have a close friend that you can confide in? It is still necessary to have someone in person to talk with. It is a burden much easier shared.
I am sure someone else will have more, and better advice. I just wanted to say welcome and to keep coming. You will find some comfort here. H