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I smiled to XABF by mistake, LOL.

Old 05-10-2010, 12:45 PM
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A jug fills drop by drop
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Talking I smiled to XABF by mistake, LOL.

I just went to our coffee room for some quick bite from the vending machine and when opening the door I smiled to XABF and his Main Enabler (our roomie in the past) and I wished they enjoyed their meal. I thought they were other coworkers !!

Good thing is as my boss is in town I dressed well and felt confident.

They NEVER eat lunch over there.
My heart is racing. UGH.

Stupid blurry contact lenses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XABF was surprised to see me and more suprised for me to SMILE. LOL.
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:05 PM
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Ok I edited my answer a few times.

For some reason I no longer feel the need to defend myself or explain myself better. And I dont find it alluring to talk about him anymore.

Perhaps that's progress? may come back later after some reflection....
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:29 PM
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I think a lot of times this forum becomes the only safe place to "vent".

I can say that I know when I go through a painful difficulty with an X, whenever I speak about him, even in a joking way, yet criticising him as well, it means I still have emotional attachment no matter how small it may be.

I also know that when I am responding to posts here, and relaying my situation with my X, it is still keeping me attached to him. Though it is therapeutic at the same time. I don't feel comfortable talking about him to most of my friends because many feel "get over it already!"...which is understandable to me

There is no doubt that you are probably further past your feelings for him, than you were before...in fact, they may be hanging on by a shredded thread which will break any day.... but that you do post about running into him, and the effect it had on you does suggest that there is still some emotional tie.
If there weren't...it would be like the other times you said when you have had some incidents and didn't post anything at all.

I don't think anyone is really judging your reaction, I think mostly everyone just wants for you to not WANT to post anything about him...even if it is just venting. Because that means that he no longer takes up any space in your mind.

The last initial thread I plan to post about my XA will probably be Friday. I am moving out of state on Saturday, and it is an emotional week for me. I am giving myself the closure.
There will be no more posting thoughts about him, things about his pathetic life that I find amusing, his enablers, his choices...anything, because I no longer want him to exist in my life anymore.
I think that is all anyone wants for you, for him to not exist to you any longer
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Old 05-10-2010, 01:53 PM
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It is healthy to post and it allows us to vent and grieve. I know when I read your posts that I can expect it because it is YOU. We are all different and take shorter/longer amounts of time to heal and understand how to rebuild ourselves after facing any letdown. I support you 100% and know you will understand your strengths and weakness ever better.

Count it all joy when you face trials for it produces steadfastness.
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Old 05-10-2010, 04:52 PM
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Arrow

You know, you are all right.


I know you are all on something when I feel much resistence.

Gladly I no longer identify with that part of me only and I can see it with some perspective! although it takes some hours..



I got some aspect that likes the suffering and drama and wants to keep a "link" for some reason.


But I DO deserve to be free of it 100%.

Thank you for "pushing the limits"
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Old 05-10-2010, 04:55 PM
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I got some troubles believing I CAN feel that way. (Totally indifferent).
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Old 05-10-2010, 10:10 PM
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One day, you will see him and think he is sort of familiar, then a while later you may walk right on past him, because he will be just "a face in the crowd".

Til then he's an ex, that means he ain't yours no more, someone else is stuck with him, and whether he's doing handstands on the boss's desk or doing a Tarzan, swinging thru the office by the light cords, it doesn't change the fact that he is still no longer your problem, your reason for shame, anger, sorrow or grief or whatever.

God bless
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