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Old 05-08-2010, 08:14 AM
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Angry struggling

Right i have wrote before here regarding exabf posting things aboout me on facebook.

Are mutual friends have told me that he is saying we are still together,and a load of other stuff that just isnt true.

Today i seen him at the shops and i said "stop spreading lies about me you f****r then walked away,as i was waiting for the bus he came out of the shop (with his fairweather friend) and laughed at me.

I am raging and hurt,i am annoyed with myself for reacting but i can't help it,he has even told people about our sex life and it is frustrating.
He has also emailed my dad to say how much he loves me and then slagging me off to other people.He has also told ppl that i have deleted his facebook so they all think im some kind of stalker.

I have blocked him on facebook now but i know his passwords and i can't help but look.
I know this is unhealthy for me and that it is hurting me to see what he is saying about me.

I hate it when i feel good about the nice things he sais about me,and when i read the bad stuff i get all uptight and react,my emotions are up and down daily.
I have been split up with him for 8 weeks now ,i havent moved on,i can't move on.I don't really know if i want to.

I feel like every time i go out ppl are laughing at me because of the lies he has told about me.

Im fed up and need some advice
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Old 05-08-2010, 08:18 AM
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Being Silent so I can Hear
 
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No contact means just that. No.Contact.

Don't read that stuff. If someone brings him up "he said, he did" politely tell them you are not interested in hearing about it.

And remember, what other people think about you is none of your business.
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Old 05-08-2010, 08:38 AM
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When you get tired of hurting, you'll quit looking on FB.

I was a slow learner too. It took a lot of pain before I was finally ready to surrender, turn things over to God, and start doing things differently.
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Old 05-08-2010, 06:36 PM
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ghirl,

do you know why you are stuck? do you think that, in the way back of your mind, you are hoping for some certain outcome down the road?
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Old 05-09-2010, 04:44 AM
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I think that is probably right coffee drinker,maybe in the back of my mind i kinda want him to stop drinking and turn his life around. I know that when he sais good stuff about me it makes me feel wanted by him,why would i want feel wanted by him?

Probably because i feel rejected by him in a way.
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Old 05-09-2010, 05:09 AM
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we all seek validation. we all do.
some of us, imo because of the lack of it from our primary caregivers (mom and dad) seek it from people that are unable to give it.

even when i knew - really knew - that my xabf LOVED me, CHERISHED me, and believed i was the best influence in his life, he was still unable to be the whole person i wanted him to be, and to give me those things in a relationship that are needed.

i don't think you've given him up yet. for some, it is a process. we take baby steps away from the person who is causing us to hurt. where are you at with this?
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Old 05-09-2010, 05:30 AM
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I really dont know, i think about him every second of everyday but i know i couldnt bear to have him back in my life the way he is and we have had a long time apart now and when i see him i do just feel anger.

I also feel sad when i see him because i cannot believe how he is acting.
He has even told one person that we are still together and that he would die for me.

I know he is drunk constantly and that i should just ignore what he sais,but i cant seem to break off what little contact i still have with him even if it isnt direct contact.
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Old 05-09-2010, 06:17 AM
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Celtic, I am a recovering alcoholic but I know where you in terms of your ex. My xh (certain he was an alchi but he never admitted) put me through hell in a handbag. I bit my tongue, held things in and kept thinking I can fix things. I was forever torn. Sadly my solution was turning to the bottle for comfort and that over time took over and consumed me.

My xh didn't necessarily spread rumors/stories but he was quite a liar. He told me one thing and others something else. I was caught out there way too many times to count. He would tell me he loved me and could be this amazing person when he felt it. Then he would turn on me and lie lie lie.

Point is that I also had access to his FB and pretty much everything so I snooped. I went as far as getting even for his stories he was saying to people that I deleted some people off his FB and so forth. Yeah, I needed to move on but I felt betrayed.

What ended up happening was long overdue.....divorce. Now that SOB is out of my life and I finally I am able to seek counseling and the support I needed to not only remain sober but to move beyond 9 years of pain and abuse.

You will find the strength my friend but you have to be ready for that. I have moved on and focused on me. I don't care anymore what people think and I tell ya it is only through sobriety that I am able to do this. Drinking was like reliving that nightmare daily.

When you are ready, you will let this go.

Huggs.
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