XABF is a goober!
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
XABF is a goober!
It's been almost a full month of NC now. Text messages and phone calls have slowed down, maybe one text, a call or two a day. Nothing like it used to be. He doesn't even leave a voice mail much anymore.
I wonder if he realizes I know he's drinking just on how much or how little he calls? If he's not drinking, it's one text just to say checking in, saying hi. If he is drinking it's 4 or 5 text messages, phone calls back to back and maybe half a dozen voice mails. I've asked myself a million times over the last couple years--does he think I'm stupid?
So last night I accidentally answered his call. I was playing with my phone (new firmware update added some whole new features) and I saw his name pop up on the screen. I went to hit the end call but answered it instead. Too much confidence got me excited I guess.
Anyway. He went on and on about everything and nothing (he musta burned his tongue on bacon--lord knows he'd NEVER call me after he'd been drinking). He said just answer him one question and he wants me to be honest, just answer one question for him. I told him there was no need, this conversations over, if you call me again I'll have him arrested for harassment. Just one question and he'll leave me alone. He asked "have you ever cheated on me and are you seeing someone now while we're separated?"
I chuckled. I said I NEVER cheated on you while we were together and right now we are not separated, we are over so what I do with my life is none of your business anymore.
Drum roll............his response.........It's none of my business? You've been cheating on me for two fricken years??? And you say it's none of my business???
I say 'good bye!' and click.
He left a voice mail then, I need to give him back his necklace, his ring and everything else that I have that's "connected to his heart" and this guy I've been cheating on him with for two years can buy me new ones.
What a goober. I am SOOO glad to be away from him!!!
But now I'm wondering.....is that going to end the calls? Or is it going to be just like it used to be where he'll wake up sober one morning and the calls will start again like nothing ever happened?
It felt really good though to listen to him bad mouth me, put me down, throw accusations at me, quack, etc, etc, etc and then me hang up the phone and not put another thought into any part of it. It did not upset me at all. I'm almost finding it a bit amusing. Amazing how sane I've become over the last year of my own recovery.
I'm sorry, XABF, you have no control over me anymore so
I wonder if he realizes I know he's drinking just on how much or how little he calls? If he's not drinking, it's one text just to say checking in, saying hi. If he is drinking it's 4 or 5 text messages, phone calls back to back and maybe half a dozen voice mails. I've asked myself a million times over the last couple years--does he think I'm stupid?
So last night I accidentally answered his call. I was playing with my phone (new firmware update added some whole new features) and I saw his name pop up on the screen. I went to hit the end call but answered it instead. Too much confidence got me excited I guess.
Anyway. He went on and on about everything and nothing (he musta burned his tongue on bacon--lord knows he'd NEVER call me after he'd been drinking). He said just answer him one question and he wants me to be honest, just answer one question for him. I told him there was no need, this conversations over, if you call me again I'll have him arrested for harassment. Just one question and he'll leave me alone. He asked "have you ever cheated on me and are you seeing someone now while we're separated?"
I chuckled. I said I NEVER cheated on you while we were together and right now we are not separated, we are over so what I do with my life is none of your business anymore.
Drum roll............his response.........It's none of my business? You've been cheating on me for two fricken years??? And you say it's none of my business???
I say 'good bye!' and click.
He left a voice mail then, I need to give him back his necklace, his ring and everything else that I have that's "connected to his heart" and this guy I've been cheating on him with for two years can buy me new ones.
What a goober. I am SOOO glad to be away from him!!!
But now I'm wondering.....is that going to end the calls? Or is it going to be just like it used to be where he'll wake up sober one morning and the calls will start again like nothing ever happened?
It felt really good though to listen to him bad mouth me, put me down, throw accusations at me, quack, etc, etc, etc and then me hang up the phone and not put another thought into any part of it. It did not upset me at all. I'm almost finding it a bit amusing. Amazing how sane I've become over the last year of my own recovery.
I'm sorry, XABF, you have no control over me anymore so
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Goober is too kind a term, I would say more like "jerk"
Holy madness, I LOVE how these twisted minds deflect who they are on others.
Of course, there is no possibility you're staying away from him because he's a sick addict, nooooooooooooo, it must be because you're a cheating pig. I mean what other reasons would you have not wanting to be with such a great guy!
I know this scene all too well.
When I left my BF for being a jerk, he was CONVINCED I left him for another guy. No, it was not cause he was verbally abusive, no way in hell, it must be because I am with someone else.
Ugh!
good for you for standing your ground. What a waste of energy these people are!
Holy madness, I LOVE how these twisted minds deflect who they are on others.
Of course, there is no possibility you're staying away from him because he's a sick addict, nooooooooooooo, it must be because you're a cheating pig. I mean what other reasons would you have not wanting to be with such a great guy!
I know this scene all too well.
When I left my BF for being a jerk, he was CONVINCED I left him for another guy. No, it was not cause he was verbally abusive, no way in hell, it must be because I am with someone else.
Ugh!
good for you for standing your ground. What a waste of energy these people are!
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Goober is that big wad of flem that no amount of Mucinex helps. It sticks in the back of your throat and makes you gag no matter what you do and the harder you try to either swallow it or hack it up, the worse you feel and often get a headache. If you are lucky enough to be able to get it to the tip of your tongue, you're worried about spitting it out cause you don't want anyone else to step in it and end up with goober syndrome too. But, on the other hand, if you let it sit there you get goose bumps and just feel all over gross and disgusted. So you choose to spit and enjoy that sense of goober relief.
That is so nasty but I know yall are laughing.
That is so nasty but I know yall are laughing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by kv816 
Goober is that big wad of flem that no amount of Mucinex helps. It sticks in the back of your throat and makes you gag no matter what you do and the harder you try to either swallow it or hack it up, the worse you feel and often get a headache. If you are lucky enough to be able to get it to the tip of your tongue, you're worried about spitting it out cause you don't want anyone else to step in it and end up with goober syndrome too. But, on the other hand, if you let it sit there you get goose bumps and just feel all over gross and disgusted. So you choose to spit and enjoy that sense of goober relief.
That is so nasty but I know yall are laughing.
That is so nasty but I know yall are laughing.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I find it funny some males find it outrageous and are hurt when one may be going out with someone else.... while when they do cheat, flirt with someone else (even infront of you and still a 'couple' 
!) etc, its "no biggie" "you have to work on your insecurities" "you are not pretty/thin/fun enough" etc.
Hugs kmv!
!) etc, its "no biggie" "you have to work on your insecurities" "you are not pretty/thin/fun enough" etc.Hugs kmv!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999
I find it funny some males find it outrageous and are hurt when one may be going out with someone else.... while when they do cheat, flirt with someone else (even infront of you and still a 'couple' !) etc, its "no biggie" "you have to work on your insecurities" "you are not pretty/thin/fun enough" etc.
Hugs kmv!
!) etc, its "no biggie" "you have to work on your insecurities" "you are not pretty/thin/fun enough" etc.Hugs kmv!
yeah I am ina mood today :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
My Ah is on a date today on my boat - NICE! He moved out less than a month ago at my request and said as of this week he wanted to work it out. He called me today though and told me he was sure I was screwing someone and proabably had been for a while because I was a w&$%e. Double standard? HELLO! By the way I am not dating - I am too damaged and need to work on me. They are nuts- You have to be amused as what else can you be ? You would go nuts. Hang in there~ Don't talk to him- You can't reason with alcohol- Believe me I have tried ~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
Originally Posted by Redheadsusie
My Ah is on a date today on my boat - NICE! He moved out less than a month ago at my request and said as of this week he wanted to work it out. He called me today though and told me he was sure I was screwing someone and proabably had been for a while because I was a w&$%e. Double standard? HELLO! By the way I am not dating - I am too damaged and need to work on me. They are nuts- You have to be amused as what else can you be ? You would go nuts. Hang in there~ Don't talk to him- You can't reason with alcohol- Believe me I have tried ~
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Talked to him today, he called to say Happy Mother's Day. What a load of crap.
He swears that he hasn't had a drink since the day after he left here. I believe him, or really want to anyway, but fact is it just doesn't matter anymore.
He claims his temper in the conversation of this original post was because he thought I was cheating on him and only one month into our separation I'm already sleeping with someone else. So he got angry that I swore up and down I loved him but obviously if I can get so involved with someone else so quickly then none of that was true.
Again, everything is MY fault. He says he doesn't understand why I'm being the way I am since it's not like he was ever abusive or ever raised his hand to me or anything like that. Ummmm DUH!!!!
A month sober or not, that's why it'll never work out. He may have admitted he had a drinking problem.....but he'll never admit that he did some really screwed up stuff to me, more than just the words he's apologized a million times for n the past.
I'm just tired of it. I don't know what else to do. He's just trying to fix our relationship, but refuses to listen to me when I say there is no fixing it. I flat out ask him to not call me anymore, he just waits a couple days before calling to just say hey.
It's over. I wish he'd accept that.
He swears that he hasn't had a drink since the day after he left here. I believe him, or really want to anyway, but fact is it just doesn't matter anymore.
He claims his temper in the conversation of this original post was because he thought I was cheating on him and only one month into our separation I'm already sleeping with someone else. So he got angry that I swore up and down I loved him but obviously if I can get so involved with someone else so quickly then none of that was true.
Again, everything is MY fault. He says he doesn't understand why I'm being the way I am since it's not like he was ever abusive or ever raised his hand to me or anything like that. Ummmm DUH!!!!
A month sober or not, that's why it'll never work out. He may have admitted he had a drinking problem.....but he'll never admit that he did some really screwed up stuff to me, more than just the words he's apologized a million times for n the past.
I'm just tired of it. I don't know what else to do. He's just trying to fix our relationship, but refuses to listen to me when I say there is no fixing it. I flat out ask him to not call me anymore, he just waits a couple days before calling to just say hey.
It's over. I wish he'd accept that.
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