Does your A ignore you as well?
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 985
Does your A ignore you as well?
Was doing well earlier in the week. I had a few people at work (where we both work) give me some positive feedback just to let me know that they see me doing well. So I guess when others started to ask if we were talking yet I began to look at our situation differently. I began to wonder why we couldn't talk to each other. I realized that we had always had an adversarial relationship. I wondered why and recalled the answer being he wanted to drink and I got in the way.
It just seems so odd. He isn't even putting on a front at work anymore. But I can't get over the fact that we see each other everyday - what is he thinking? how can he ignore me so easily? how does he do it? It feels so unnatural to me to look the other way or not say hello.
I guess after the last two weeks of failed conversation ( down right ugly) nothing has changed for him.
On the other hand, my latest problem has been the weather bringing back memories of things we did and places we went to enjoy ourselves.
These were good memories and I was wondering if others went through this at some point in their recovery? I mean recalling the good times and not just the bad ones.
So you have two issues to respond to - go for it everyone - I need to talk and not isolate.
It just seems so odd. He isn't even putting on a front at work anymore. But I can't get over the fact that we see each other everyday - what is he thinking? how can he ignore me so easily? how does he do it? It feels so unnatural to me to look the other way or not say hello.
I guess after the last two weeks of failed conversation ( down right ugly) nothing has changed for him.
On the other hand, my latest problem has been the weather bringing back memories of things we did and places we went to enjoy ourselves.
These were good memories and I was wondering if others went through this at some point in their recovery? I mean recalling the good times and not just the bad ones.
So you have two issues to respond to - go for it everyone - I need to talk and not isolate.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Reality, NJ
Posts: 853
yeap. mine did. completely stopped talking to me and started dating. i was floored. one night i went to talk to him and he drove away from me. this was not the man I married. I realized it really is a progressive disease. I pray for him now. Not sure of the future. Its very childish and babyish in my opinion but not to him. I did stay away from him then. He ended up reaching out a month later but I know there is no reasoning these days.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Boston, MA (Mattapan) Legit ghetto but I love it
Posts: 174
Well I was the alcoholic in my relationship and my ex was a soldier with PTSD. Things with us went from bad to worse and about two months ago he just started ignoring me but we're long distance so that's quite easy for him to do.
I'd assume it would be harder when you work with someone... I don't really have any answers for you. Other then the fact that he's sick and probably not really reaching out to anyone... personally I don't like opening up to people that aren't people here or people at AA meetings. Most people simply don't understand unless their an alcoholic. I figure it's the same way for my ex, he's shutting out everyone because none of us can imagine or understand what he's going through... sometimes it's hard to reach out to others when we can't even help ourselves...
That being said I don't think you need to worry so much about him. Easier said then done. I know. I'm still in love with my ex but I'm trying to work on myself. For me remembering the happy times/good memories hurts like hell. Because those times are over and NEVER coming back. So it makes me sad to think about them. So I try to keep him off my mind. In fact I try to think about all the bad stuff and the reasons why my life will be better without him. It's still hard for me to even say that and I can't tell you I accept it but sometimes you have no choice but to move on.
I'd assume it would be harder when you work with someone... I don't really have any answers for you. Other then the fact that he's sick and probably not really reaching out to anyone... personally I don't like opening up to people that aren't people here or people at AA meetings. Most people simply don't understand unless their an alcoholic. I figure it's the same way for my ex, he's shutting out everyone because none of us can imagine or understand what he's going through... sometimes it's hard to reach out to others when we can't even help ourselves...
That being said I don't think you need to worry so much about him. Easier said then done. I know. I'm still in love with my ex but I'm trying to work on myself. For me remembering the happy times/good memories hurts like hell. Because those times are over and NEVER coming back. So it makes me sad to think about them. So I try to keep him off my mind. In fact I try to think about all the bad stuff and the reasons why my life will be better without him. It's still hard for me to even say that and I can't tell you I accept it but sometimes you have no choice but to move on.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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I'm going to bet that ignoring you isn't as easy as it appears.
For me, every time I would see xabf and I had to ignore him, it was heartbreaking. The harder I tried to appear on the outside, the sadder and more I wanted to talk to him on the inside. I don't know what its like to be an A and ignore someone...
but I do know what it's like ignore people..hahaha...I can be very passive aggressive.
So just because someone appears to not care, doesn't mean they don't. I don't know him though, but I doubt its easy for him. Unfortunately, we are the ones left to deal with things SOBER.
Yeah and it is funny to think why did me and this person butt heads so much? Exactly that. You got in the way of the way he seems to want to live his life....
For me, every time I would see xabf and I had to ignore him, it was heartbreaking. The harder I tried to appear on the outside, the sadder and more I wanted to talk to him on the inside. I don't know what its like to be an A and ignore someone...
but I do know what it's like ignore people..hahaha...I can be very passive aggressive.
So just because someone appears to not care, doesn't mean they don't. I don't know him though, but I doubt its easy for him. Unfortunately, we are the ones left to deal with things SOBER.
Yeah and it is funny to think why did me and this person butt heads so much? Exactly that. You got in the way of the way he seems to want to live his life....
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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whoa that was weird we all replied right at the same time lol.
o but yeah, he did his fair share of ignoring and still does. I believe at first he ignored me because he didn't want to let anyone in. It was like a fear based thing..then he would just ignore me over trivial things..which I believe are periods when he is using/can't think of good excuses type thing...Now, he doesn't really ignore me so much, but he still does and it still would get to me.
But then we he did finally stop ignoring me, I didn't want to hear what he had to say or what he had been doing. So in someways.....although very painful the ignoring on his part has saved me from hearing what I don't want to hear and from not feeling so guilty about blocking him and ignoring him in a self-preserving manner (not just to get my point across, either).
o but yeah, he did his fair share of ignoring and still does. I believe at first he ignored me because he didn't want to let anyone in. It was like a fear based thing..then he would just ignore me over trivial things..which I believe are periods when he is using/can't think of good excuses type thing...Now, he doesn't really ignore me so much, but he still does and it still would get to me.
But then we he did finally stop ignoring me, I didn't want to hear what he had to say or what he had been doing. So in someways.....although very painful the ignoring on his part has saved me from hearing what I don't want to hear and from not feeling so guilty about blocking him and ignoring him in a self-preserving manner (not just to get my point across, either).
Last edited by MaryGoRound; 05-07-2010 at 03:43 PM. Reason: adding more
Go ask the Multivax
Join Date: Apr 2008
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We stopped talking long before he left, so I have nothing to add there.
I think it's really natural to go through all those memories. We have to, to go on. It's not good for us to only remember the bad anyway. I almost completely forgot about the positive times until just after he left. Then I thought about them. It seemed to help balance things out so I wasn't locked in hate.
But, that comes and goes as anyone can say!! The hate, not missing the old good times (for me anyway).
I know I have awesome future memories awaiting me - And I know he won't be in them. ;-)
I think it's really natural to go through all those memories. We have to, to go on. It's not good for us to only remember the bad anyway. I almost completely forgot about the positive times until just after he left. Then I thought about them. It seemed to help balance things out so I wasn't locked in hate.
But, that comes and goes as anyone can say!! The hate, not missing the old good times (for me anyway).
I know I have awesome future memories awaiting me - And I know he won't be in them. ;-)
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: NE
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I'm the "A" in the family, and 8 months sober, I tried to talk months ago, but no positive reaction. We don't talk at all right now, don't know why, but oh well. I've tried, does the person that is not a alchoholic think we are going to talk to them so we can get downgraded? Just wondering, or am I in a unique situation.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Ive just broken up with my ex he tried for so long to stay sober and even when he slipped up and things got bad we managed to fix things! However, this time I had enough of the lies the false promises the " I love you " messages whilst treating me like dirt so for the probably 100th time this year I told him. I cant keep doing this! Now Im being ignored like I never mattered anyway. Like I was just there so he could live with me and stay here when he had previously made such a mess off his life! So I put him back together so he could hurt me again. I cannot explain the pain Im in right now not knowing if anything he ever said to me was real or was I just a game or stupid. Now he has a drinking buddy back and somewhere to crash money in his pocket not for long and I don't matter.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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Hi, Rizzo, and welcome.
This is a VERY old thread (from 2010), and you will probably get more helpful responses if you start your own.
I'm sorry for your pain, but believe me, you CAN recover from this relationship. Plenty of us have endured the same kind of pain and come out OK on the other side.
Sending you a hug.
This is a VERY old thread (from 2010), and you will probably get more helpful responses if you start your own.
I'm sorry for your pain, but believe me, you CAN recover from this relationship. Plenty of us have endured the same kind of pain and come out OK on the other side.
Sending you a hug.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think once the chaos and emotional whirlwind of being with an active alcoholic subsides and we are away from it, it leaves room for those good memories to surface. Kind of like a tornado, once the darkness from the clouds pass by and the winds subside the sky turns blue and the sun shines. But that doesn't change the devastation from that storm or the damage that was done.
As for him ignoring you...........people may not always tell you how they feel about you, but they will always show you, Pay close attention.
As for him ignoring you...........people may not always tell you how they feel about you, but they will always show you, Pay close attention.
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