XABF died today
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: OHIO
Posts: 959
I too have been following your posts and I had a terrible feeling after your last one that this one was not long in coming sweetpea... You have loved this man for a long long time and I know your pain well as do several other posters here. Be gentle with yourself sweetie. You have done ALL that anyone could and then some.
Janitw
Janitw
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I'm sorry I didn't read this yesterday when you posted.
My heart is heavy for you, hon.
He was loved by you and knew it when it mattered most.
I will say a prayer for you. Please write soon and let us know how are you are because we all do care very much.
Alice
My heart is heavy for you, hon.
He was loved by you and knew it when it mattered most.
I will say a prayer for you. Please write soon and let us know how are you are because we all do care very much.
Alice
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
I am so sorry for your loss. Grieving is a hard process--remembering the good times can make us sad as well as remembering the bad times. I hope you continue to come back to get whatever will help you through this rough time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Central, La.
Posts: 422
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I too, have a very old friend who has been given at most a year. She is a ward of the state. Her liver has stopped working and has hepatic encephalopathy. It is very, very,, sad. Too many close to me have died in the last few years.
You have my sympathy, as well as, my empathy.
Peace
You have my sympathy, as well as, my empathy.
Peace
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: OK
Posts: 85
Originally Posted by TakingCharge999 
BrandiSue, I remember you well.
I get how it feels to see them vibrant and "healthy" and full of life.
This disease is horrible.
Take care of yourself. I hope you can grab a copy of "the language of letting go" and/or "the grief club" by Melody Beatty. The grief club is about going through all kinds of changes in our life, including death of a loved one.
I get how it feels to see them vibrant and "healthy" and full of life.
This disease is horrible.
Take care of yourself. I hope you can grab a copy of "the language of letting go" and/or "the grief club" by Melody Beatty. The grief club is about going through all kinds of changes in our life, including death of a loved one.
This is so hard.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: OK
Posts: 85
Thanks to all of you for your heartfelt responses. I'm crying as I read them. I can't seem to stop the tears tonight.
I've got great friends who are helping me through this but it doesn't make it any easier.
I keep looking through our old pics and can't seem to stop. Then I play the song that he told me he wanted played at his funeral and the tears flow again.
His best friend just lost his wife from cancer 6 mos ago and we've been on the phone a lot lately sharing. He's just lost his two best friends - one from a disease that could have been prevented and the other from a disease that she had no control over. What a sad state of affairs for him...for me too.
I did love him very much. He was very well liked in his community and they are all stunned that he went so quickly and at such a young age.
Thank you again. I'm going to try and get some sleep. xoxo
I've got great friends who are helping me through this but it doesn't make it any easier.
I keep looking through our old pics and can't seem to stop. Then I play the song that he told me he wanted played at his funeral and the tears flow again.
His best friend just lost his wife from cancer 6 mos ago and we've been on the phone a lot lately sharing. He's just lost his two best friends - one from a disease that could have been prevented and the other from a disease that she had no control over. What a sad state of affairs for him...for me too.
I did love him very much. He was very well liked in his community and they are all stunned that he went so quickly and at such a young age.
Thank you again. I'm going to try and get some sleep. xoxo
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: state of confusion
Posts: 351
BrandiSue - My heart goes out to you .... such a tragic loss.
For me, the saddest part regarding those whose lives are lost to this baffling and deadly obsession... is knowing their lives didn’t have to end this way.
I had always hoped my AH would find the strength and clarity to find enduring sobriety, but it was not to be his fate as his once active and productive life came to a very brutal and tragic end. Everyday it is hard for me to accept that he could still be with his sons and I ... if he had made different choices.
These past few days, I have also been going through old photos of my AH while preparing a special gift tribute album for my husband’s mother this Mother’s Day. Those old photos are filled with memories of a happier time, when my AH was still strong and healthy, so many with him smiling proudly as he stood next to his sons while sharing joyful events together. His downhill transformation is still stunningly hard to comprehend. Now, sadly he will not see his sons’ graduate from college or share in any of their milestones and accomplishments ... things I know he would have been so proud of. I have made a sincere effort these last few years to share the many memories I have of their father...remembering the best in him.
So powerfully transforming, yet so heart wrenchingly tragic .... alcoholism senselessly steals away those that once had so much potential for a productive and healthy life. LIttle by little as it progresses, it leaves behind a trail of destruction and heart break .... and forever changing the lives of those they leave behind.
His struggles are now over and he is finally at peace. Keep remembering the best in him and the happiness he once brought into your lives ... and the joy you and your sons brought into his. May you and your sons find serenity during this challenging time. My thoughts are with you.
For me, the saddest part regarding those whose lives are lost to this baffling and deadly obsession... is knowing their lives didn’t have to end this way.
I had always hoped my AH would find the strength and clarity to find enduring sobriety, but it was not to be his fate as his once active and productive life came to a very brutal and tragic end. Everyday it is hard for me to accept that he could still be with his sons and I ... if he had made different choices.
These past few days, I have also been going through old photos of my AH while preparing a special gift tribute album for my husband’s mother this Mother’s Day. Those old photos are filled with memories of a happier time, when my AH was still strong and healthy, so many with him smiling proudly as he stood next to his sons while sharing joyful events together. His downhill transformation is still stunningly hard to comprehend. Now, sadly he will not see his sons’ graduate from college or share in any of their milestones and accomplishments ... things I know he would have been so proud of. I have made a sincere effort these last few years to share the many memories I have of their father...remembering the best in him.
So powerfully transforming, yet so heart wrenchingly tragic .... alcoholism senselessly steals away those that once had so much potential for a productive and healthy life. LIttle by little as it progresses, it leaves behind a trail of destruction and heart break .... and forever changing the lives of those they leave behind.
His struggles are now over and he is finally at peace. Keep remembering the best in him and the happiness he once brought into your lives ... and the joy you and your sons brought into his. May you and your sons find serenity during this challenging time. My thoughts are with you.
No pity. No remorse. No fear
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 183
BrandiSue, I'm quite new here, but your heartfelt post touched me. My prayers to you and those others who loved your XA. Requiascat in pace.
If I may make another book suggestion: Staring at the Sun by Irvin Yalom, an eminent psychiatrist. I lost my Mother last year to the consequences of the same vile disease, and the book was a great help. Other friends have also found comfort in this book.
If I may make another book suggestion: Staring at the Sun by Irvin Yalom, an eminent psychiatrist. I lost my Mother last year to the consequences of the same vile disease, and the book was a great help. Other friends have also found comfort in this book.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 10
i've been following your story Brandisue and dreading this time for you. I am so sorry you are going through this, i hope that one day soon his passing will be a relief and you will be free. As you say, he is free from his demons now. Be gentle on yourself x
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Erie, Pa.
Posts: 91
I haven't been on SR long, so I'm not familiar with your situation. I do gather from reading that this was a hard battle for both of you for some time. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.
Being that yesterday was the 7 year passing of my son's father, in his active addictions, I wanted to revisit your post and thank you for standing by him till he passed. That was something I didn't do, and I regret it.
I do thank my HP that his struggle is over, just as you've said.
It's very hard for those left behind......
My prayers and thoughts will be with you!
HUGS!
Being that yesterday was the 7 year passing of my son's father, in his active addictions, I wanted to revisit your post and thank you for standing by him till he passed. That was something I didn't do, and I regret it.
I do thank my HP that his struggle is over, just as you've said.
It's very hard for those left behind......
My prayers and thoughts will be with you!
HUGS!
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